t_i Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 Hi guys I was just wondering if any of your experiences in bad relationships? And how you got over it? You know the score... Manipulative boyfriend / girlfriend. (In my case the boy!) Long story short : I'm 21 and spent my first two years at uni with him. We met in freshers week. But last september he decided to break up with me and we've been on and off since. Hes just very manipulative, cheated, lied and started seeing someone else and came back to me. Now we've broken up hes texting her again weighing up if he should see her again or not. I've been stalking this forum for abit and took advice and did no contact. I didnt tell him I was going to but figured he'd taken me for granted long enough. (I do everything for him, buy him amazing presents, cook for him, surprise him the works!) 4 days of no contact (very proud of myself) and he text me asking if I missed him. Of course I was strong all day sending him replies letting him know I was fine. But then he said he missed me and if I was fine he'd leave me alone. But it wasnt long before he had me on the phone saying I missed him too, to which he automatically changed his mind and decided he shouldnt have text me and apologised. He isnt going to ever be nice again, and I supose I wanted to know how other people are doing/have done in the same situation? Hes just keeping me around for abit knowing im still there. Anyone else had this? I know its not the end of the world, we weren't married but two years is a hell of a long time for me!
samm84 Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 It's human nature to want reassurance that their ex partner still misses them. It sucks. He has filled his ego for now, but I can guarantee after a week no contact he will be back wanting more updates from you. Dont beat yourself up, learn from this experience and try to keep no contact next time.
smudge21 Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 We always want what we can't have, we reach our for things that are a distance away rather than those that are nearby. One minute you have something and then it's gone, it goes from being available to out of reach. Sadly your situation isn't going to change unless you change it, I reckon he could keep doing this for a while yet. You have to decide what it is you want, as it seems from your post you're quite okay to go running back occasionally. Right now I doubt you're strong enough to stay away, so focus on you and what you really need in your life right now. Do you want him back in your life but in a better way or totally out of your life for good... think about that.
thelovingkind Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 What a complete and utter tool. My advice is, go out and meet new people who spark your interest. I don't mean, find a single person to romantically obsess about and begin the cycle anew - I mean just meet a bunch of new friends / potential dates / cute guys in that flirty, undefined sort of way. Sometimes I find if there's a noxious presence in my life in the form of an ex leaving breadcrumbs or whatever, that having these other people helps. Then, when your ex texts you and you're alone, and you think "Ohhh I love that attention", then instead of replying to your ex, text one of your cute new people for a while. You'll get the attention "fix" but without the baggage. Just don't use people. There's nothing wrong with flirty new friendships but don't blatantly lead people on if you have zero interest in them.
Author t_i Posted July 22, 2011 Author Posted July 22, 2011 The thing is he's really manipulative. In the begining he was amazing. He took me to london to see a play for xmas, he surprised me with a 3 course dinner he'd cooked after I came back from work, letters about how much he cared about me, generally be really attentive and kind. But then he started getting controlling with not liking me speak to other boys, getting jealous when people would come upto me on nights out, and not liking what I wore if it was too revealing. Once I stopped speaking to all my boy friends who he assumed liked me (a few of them did for some reason, but one of them definately didnt - he just text me at 4am and asked how I was but apparently i was being 'niave') He decided to start saying 'well you can talk to who you want I'm not stopping you' the moment he wanted to speak to all the girls HE has slept with or kissed in the past. If I tried to point out the hypocracy he'd say I was stopping him doing what he wanted and was crazy. Now he basically is saying its all my fault, that because I try and stick up for myself and try not to take any crap (if he goes out and pulls after an argument - AKA starts an argument to be able to 'storm off' and ignore me all night then say he genuinely thought we were over and kissed other people - I'll go out and enjoy time with my friends and ignore him to see how he likes not being number 1), that I get too 'stroppy' and he could very well be nice if I 'deserved' it, which I havent for the last year regardless of what I do for him on a daily basis. So he's now using all the nice memories he gave me to make me feel awful, that I don't deserve him to be nice again and he will to it for someone else who deserves it. Of course, he hasnt done anything remotely nice for about 18 months other than pick me up from work and bring me a KFC chicken wrap as he passed it on the way - which by the way I'm meant to be eternally grateful for. Yet I spent over £250 on his last birthday but he's convieniently instigated a 'break' on my birthday for the past this year and last year. Which he says I shouldnt have been 'unbearable' then. Basically hes got me where he wants me, I dont want to be anywhere near the new person he is now, but when he misses me he knows he can pretend to be nice again and I'll miss who he was and how he made me feel over a year ago. Oh and he also told me yesterday that he was going to see this girl as I was horrible and didnt text him back straight away once he broke NC. And because I text him sounding like I was fine. I think he'll end up regretting it and missing me/ trying to get me back then changing his mind for the next 6 months untill he's moved on/ found someone else and I just want to save myself going through that (ive had almost a year of him messing me around being on and off thats quite enough!) If he cant stick to NC for 4 days before texting me, who knows how long NC will last next time? How long will he last if he thinks im going to move on/ found someone else? I know if he shows up on my door with flowers or begs for another chance I'll struggle regardless of how far I've come in a few weeks! Ha, getting it all out has just stopped my urge to call him! Sorry for the rant! Has anyone else had an ex beg for them back? Or try and manipulate them? How do you stop yourself from being sucked in?
wilsonx Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 you say NO and walk away... its about your self respect and dignity at this point. Will it be impossible to do, probably! But it's something you need to do for you. If its a bad relationship, you end it and walk away.
smudge21 Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 Your own posts say you know exactly what you should do, how weak you feel, how bad he is... everything is there, you just have to stay strong and turn him away. Don't let this poor excuse for a man hold you back any longer. There's a lot better specimens out there...
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