silktricks Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 But doesn't Jesus also teach us to turn away from sin and encourge others to do the same? Threads that turn to religion on the OW board tend to get shut down really fast, so I'll move on. Actually, I don't agree with you completely, and here's why: I don't look at the ability of a cheater to change from a religious standpoint. I personally don't think most do. I look at anyone's ability to change from a psychologoical standpoint. In my experience, most cheaters will not do the hard work to find out why they do what they do, and to also do the hard work to change themselves. Most cheaters are conflict avoiders, and changing oneself inherently involves confronting that conflict. Most simply won't follow through. Again, I'm saying most, certainly not all. I see. So, you can do it, but others can't or won't. OoooKKKK. Now I understand....
jthorne Posted July 28, 2011 Posted July 28, 2011 I see. So, you can do it, but others can't or won't. OoooKKKK. Now I understand.... You don't know how happy I am that we could come to a quick understanding.
Equinox Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 (edited) Actually, I don't agree with you completely, and here's why: I don't look at the ability of a cheater to change from a religious standpoint. I personally don't think most do. I look at anyone's ability to change from a psychologoical standpoint. In my experience, most cheaters will not do the hard work to find out why they do what they do, and to also do the hard work to change themselves. Most cheaters are conflict avoiders, and changing oneself inherently involves confronting that conflict. Most simply won't follow through. Again, I'm saying most, certainly not all. Actually, I can see that too. Just replace "cheaters" with "people" in general. From the perspective of an former alcoholic (anyone who has spent time with an alcoholic will know why the former bit is so shaky) WH, that works as a counsellor, most people won't change. Or think that they have learnt their lesson, but actually haven't. Why do the hard work of actually learning your lesson and changing...when it's easier not to? Why excel at something when it is easier to maintain the status quo? Of course, I'm following Sturgeon's Law on this. Edited July 29, 2011 by Equinox
fooled once Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 I think it's funny how it seems there are degrees of wrong here and that the only sin that is conceivable is adultery - but unforgiveness and lack of charity to your fellow man is also a sin. Maybe not grave, but definitely worthy of contrition. Who said/implied the only sin that is conceivable is adultery? Are you remorseful from your affair? Have you asked for forgiveness? Do you plan to be a mistress/OW in the future? If so, why when you know it is wrong? If not, is it because you know now that it is wrong, it hurts and it hurts so many people? Not being snarky, just asking.
jthorne Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 Actually, I can see that too. Just replace "cheaters" with "people" in general. From the perspective of an former alcoholic (anyone who has spent time with an alcoholic will know why the former bit is so shaky) WH, that works as a counsellor, most people won't change. Or think that they have learnt their lesson, but actually haven't. Why do the hard work of actually learning your lesson and changing...when it's easier not to? Why excel at something when it is easier to maintain the status quo? Absolutely. I was going to mention that, but didn't want to steer too off-topic. But since you mentioned it... the recidivism rate for things that bring instant gratification is very high, be it drinking, affairs, drug abuse, internet porn, etc. That doesn't mean it can't be done, it just means that many choose not to. Congratulations on your sobriety.
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