shell-shocked Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 My boyfriend and I are in a 6yr live-in very close, loving relationship, we rarely argue. Without all the gory detail let's just say we've been through hell and back, but we've done it together. When I say hell and back I mean just bad circumstances not relationship issues. We have lived together almost 6 yrs, I am 40 and him 39. He is incredibly handsome and believe me many notice. TOO MANY. He is a Chef in a high end restaurant and works with a lot of young good-looking girls. Well, here's the issue, I found some text messages from 3 different girls. (yes I know I snooped..."seek and ye shall find") Anyway..... all of them begging to be him, he is very flirtatious in the texts, calling one girl "hunny bunny" and "babe" in another a waitress says "I dropped that entree, I'm so sorry what can I do to make it up" and he replies with "hmmmmmm?" BUT in all the messages the girls go on to say "Why won't you be with me, I cant believe you've turned me down", "The offer is still standing if you ever change your mind" and "I been waiting on your friend to come around but if I can mess with you that would be better, but you're breaking my heart". In a nutshell, he is flirting just to get a response then turns them down. WTF? Is this out of the norm for men, don't they just usually go through with it? Hell I am still looking pretty good myself but well.....I'm 40, these girls are in their 20's, that doesn't help my esteem much and although there doesn't seem to be any cheating, I am still incredibly hurt. Does anyone have any advice on what I should do and any input why he would do this. This is the same man that always comes home early from rare guy's nights out and says I would rather just watch a movie with you, the same man that is ALWAYS there is a flash to make me fell better when I am having a bad day. Link to post Share on other sites
sm1tten Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 Maybe he likes the attention and ego-stroking, but isn't (yet) willing to follow up on any of these offers. I think the real question is what made you go snooping through his phone in the first place? Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 My boyfriend and I are in a 6yr live-in very close, loving relationship, we rarely argue. Without all the gory detail let's just say we've been through hell and back, but we've done it together. When I say hell and back I mean just bad circumstances not relationship issues. We have lived together almost 6 yrs, I am 40 and him 39. He is incredibly handsome and believe me many notice. TOO MANY. He is a Chef in a high end restaurant and works with a lot of young good-looking girls. Well, here's the issue, I found some text messages from 3 different girls. (yes I know I snooped..."seek and ye shall find") Anyway..... all of them begging to be him, he is very flirtatious in the texts, calling one girl "hunny bunny" and "babe" in another a waitress says "I dropped that entree, I'm so sorry what can I do to make it up" and he replies with "hmmmmmm?" BUT in all the messages the girls go on to say "Why won't you be with me, I cant believe you've turned me down", "The offer is still standing if you ever change your mind" and "I been waiting on your friend to come around but if I can mess with you that would be better, but you're breaking my heart". In a nutshell, he is flirting just to get a response then turns them down. WTF? Is this out of the norm for men, don't they just usually go through with it? Hell I am still looking pretty good myself but well.....I'm 40, these girls are in their 20's, that doesn't help my esteem much and although there doesn't seem to be any cheating, I am still incredibly hurt. Does anyone have any advice on what I should do and any input why he would do this. This is the same man that always comes home early from rare guy's nights out and says I would rather just watch a movie with you, the same man that is ALWAYS there is a flash to make me fell better when I am having a bad day. He's enjoying the attention from other women. And he's encouraging it. Whether he's actually been physical with anybody else is hard to say, but let's assume he's just flirting. You need to put a stop to that if you can. Some men seem to think that flirting with other women is OK as long as they don't do any more than that. Well, it is disrespectful to your relationship and to you, and he needs to make a choice. He can't have both. If he wants the freedom to flirt and act like he's available by encouraging the attention from other women, then he had better set you free. He wants his cake and eat it too. You have to set the boundary with him by asking him to make the choice. Either he's with you in a committed relationship and he is very clear to others that he is not available, and does not encourage that kind of attention from other women, or he is free to do what he wants without you. Can't have it both ways. You have to set the boundaries and have him make a choice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author shell-shocked Posted July 21, 2011 Author Share Posted July 21, 2011 @Sm1tten, I dont know exactly what made me go through his phone or why for that matter, he just upgraded to a new phone and had his other just laying around and my curiosity got the best of me. He has more than once proven his love for me so I just don't know how to respond to this. I have some other issues going on right now with extended family and with my job (commission sales, slow right now), I don't know how much more I can take much less start a big thing with the one person that holds me up everyday and helps keep me sane. Link to post Share on other sites
robdrm32 Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 In my opinion he is playing with fire. Even if he has no intention of cheating, how would he feel if he saw those same sort of texts on your phone, from other men? He would probably think you are giving them the wrong idea and be just as upset as you are. Ask him about it, tell him its not cool and if he turns it around on you saying he can't believe you snooped... well thats not good. If he wants you to trust him he shouldn't have anything to hide, and I don't think that he wanted you to see those texts. Link to post Share on other sites
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