zengirl Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 I live in a suburb of DC, so it's not really a "large city" nor a rural area. I think OKC works best in cities. So I wouldn't take it personally if you're in the 'burbs. Guys from the 'burbs used to write me all the time, but I'm a citygal and don't want to date anyone not in the city (they don't have to be downtown like me, but they have to be within 30 minutes or close-to, even during traffic, and in the city proper), which my profile basically says. So, I'd always write them back, "You don't live in the city, so I'm not interested in talking. Sorry." But I'm more blunt than most. I imagine a lot of girls who think like me would rather just ignore the messages. I write back to most people at least to say NTY unless they're creepy, out of my age range, or should obviously know they're WAY too far away to chat. I don't know D.C. well though or the city culture there. One question related to this though: I've noticed that almost all the profiles in my search range list DC as their location and hardly anyone lists any of the surrounding suburban communities, do you think that it's because they all actually do live in DC, or do you think it's because they're just listing it as their location? Obviously I don't expect you to have the answer, but I'm just tossing ideas/questions out there. OKC doesn't have you fill in your location. It does it by zip code. So unless they're very intentionally putting in the wrong zip code. . . that's where they actually are. I always used the closest-to-me metric, and that even was WAY to far away for me in some instances (I think it's like 25 miles). But I'm weird about proximity, so don't get too discouraged. Not too many in the 90%+ range. A lot more in the 80%+ range though, and of them I'd say roughly 50% (maybe a little less) seemed attractive (at least in my cursory examination). This would tell me that while some girls who might be a match for you use OKC, it's not rife with people just 'made for you.' I think I have luck on it because I'll literally find 6-7 pages of 90%+ matches in each of the cities I've had luck with it on. So, I must be attracted to/compatible with the kind of person who is on there in my age range/education/location parameters. Not all mediums work for all people. Circuit dating (dating in various places, on and offline) is the way to go.
NoReallyThatHappened Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 Your ratings will change dramatically when you answer more questions. For me there wasn't one thing that made me want to contact some men over others. I had to recognize that we had things in common and I had to find the man attractive. For some reason I get the impression that in general, women tend to read through profiles more than men to determine compatibility. Rather than state what you are looking for talk about yourself. Try not to be ambiguous like "I like to stay in and go out" etc.
fortyninethousand322 Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 I think OKC works best in cities. So I wouldn't take it personally if you're in the 'burbs. Guys from the 'burbs used to write me all the time, but I'm a citygal and don't want to date anyone not in the city (they don't have to be downtown like me, but they have to be within 30 minutes or close-to, even during traffic, and in the city proper), which my profile basically says. So, I'd always write them back, "You don't live in the city, so I'm not interested in talking. Sorry." But I'm more blunt than most. I imagine a lot of girls who think like me would rather just ignore the messages. I write back to most people at least to say NTY unless they're creepy, out of my age range, or should obviously know they're WAY too far away to chat. I don't know D.C. well though or the city culture there. I think that's reasonable, I personally don't know how much I'd like to date someone who lived more than 45 minutes away or so. I will move much closer to DC when I finally save up enough money to get my own place but for right now I'm in the 'burbs. I probably won't ever live in DC though, because I don't think I could consciously live in a city that doesn't have congressional representation (as cynical as I am about politics). OKC doesn't have you fill in your location. It does it by zip code. So unless they're very intentionally putting in the wrong zip code. . . that's where they actually are. I always used the closest-to-me metric, and that even was WAY to far away for me in some instances (I think it's like 25 miles). But I'm weird about proximity, so don't get too discouraged. Yeah that's what I think they might be doing. It's not hard to look up the zip code for DC. Most of my friends have DC listed as their location on facebook (even the ones who live right down the road from me), so I thought maybe the same thing happens on OKC. This would tell me that while some girls who might be a match for you use OKC, it's not rife with people just 'made for you.' I think I have luck on it because I'll literally find 6-7 pages of 90%+ matches in each of the cities I've had luck with it on. So, I must be attracted to/compatible with the kind of person who is on there in my age range/education/location parameters. Not all mediums work for all people. Circuit dating (dating in various places, on and offline) is the way to go. Yeah, I understand this. I guess I was just hoping for some form of dating that I could be good at. I've tried online, activities, common friends and college. The only one left really is cold approaching.
zengirl Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 Your ratings will change dramatically when you answer more questions. For me there wasn't one thing that made me want to contact some men over others. I had to recognize that we had things in common and I had to find the man attractive. For some reason I get the impression that in general, women tend to read through profiles more than men to determine compatibility. Rather than state what you are looking for talk about yourself. Try not to be ambiguous like "I like to stay in and go out" etc. Oh, God yes, and never use the nuggets: "I'm a laid back guy" "I pretty much get along with everyone" "I don't know how to describe myself" (this one is occasionally okay if you go on to prove you're a really interesting person that I could believe defies description, but that's exceedingly rare, and if you then actually do endeavor, in a decent amount of words to describe yourself, but it never actually HELPS and should be cut) "I'll listen to any kind of music" and/or "I watch all movies." Talk about your passions and what makes you unique! I get that people don't want to be boxed in, but when your passions change, you can re-write the profile. It's not carved in stone, guys! And update stuff often, so you appear on feeds. Gaming OKC's system to get it to show you off more often is fairly easy. Just constantly add/change photos and sections of your profile, answer questions, and do stuff on the site.
sm1tten Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 (edited) I've never written "check out my profile." It seems redundant. If you have a good picture and you sent a message that asked me a question, I'm going to look. I also only answered a hundred-ish questions. But they were the ones that really mattered to me. However, I should note that none of the people I had high matches with worked out - the best, 90%, exploded after four months. I don't put a ton of stock into the question/answer or percentage matches thing. But, you know, different strokes for different folks. As far as the question about geography goes, people will often put the biggest city they are near even when they aren't all that near it. I got a lot of responses from people in outlying suburbs (I live in Chicago) and I'm from Cleveland, so I sometimes get "I'm from Cleveland too!" "Oh, where?" "Small town/city many miles out!" ETA: people were putting in city zip codes. My guess is so that they'd show up in more match searches, I don't know? When you write, do you ask questions and what kind of questions do you ask? If they are the kinds of questions that don't require elaboration that could be a problem, or if they seem too generic. Edited July 21, 2011 by sm1tten
zengirl Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 When you write, do you ask questions and what kind of questions do you ask? If they are the kinds of questions that don't require elaboration that could be a problem, or if they seem too generic. I'm interested in how well people think questions work. For me, I stopped really asking them (I'd say I wanted to know more about something maybe and definitely comment on a guy's profile so he knows I read it) for the same reason I don't like receiving them---it seems like manipulation to get a response back and leads to maybe one response (which gets your hopes up) and then not a lot of subsequent communication. Not sure if that's just my random experience though. While I'd say 90% of guys I wrote would write me back if I asked a question, I found the dropoff brought me down around to that 70% mark anyway and I'd rather someone not write back/say not interested, rather than write me once or twice and then disappear.
sm1tten Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 zengirl, I think when you're a girl messaging a guy it can go either way. I sometimes asked questions, sometimes didn't. I never got to the point of "drop off" so much as I grew uninterested and dropped them, so I never found out if they were just being polite. I did get more responses if I asked a question but I got a decent rate back even when I sent a generic "liked your profile" type of message. But I think that when you're the guy messaging the girl, some women think questions are a sign of serious interest. It had no bearing on my responses to them but I know that my friends, for example, wouldn't answer if it didn't read as a conversation. And a lot of the advice here on LS suggests that this is the way to go about things. So I'm curious too.
fortyninethousand322 Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 When you write, do you ask questions and what kind of questions do you ask? If they are the kinds of questions that don't require elaboration that could be a problem, or if they seem too generic. Well one girl mentioned she had done research on South Asia (one of my areas of expertise) so I asked her about that. Another girl mentioned that she had done some extensive traveling so I asked her for travel suggestions. Sometimes I ask questions on books they listed, or movies, stuff like that. And they're not dumb questions that require one word answers, they're aimed at getting them to elaborate. Almost all of these women look at my profile, they just don't write me back.
Enchanted Girl Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 Well one girl mentioned she had done research on South Asia (one of my areas of expertise) so I asked her about that. Another girl mentioned that she had done some extensive traveling so I asked her for travel suggestions. Sometimes I ask questions on books they listed, or movies, stuff like that. And they're not dumb questions that require one word answers, they're aimed at getting them to elaborate. Almost all of these women look at my profile, they just don't write me back. Would it freak you out to share your profile with us? Maybe we could suggest how to improve it if they are getting turned off by your profile . . . .
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