Do I leave?

[Bulldog23]

Hello and new on here so hopefully I can maybe get a little advice. I've been married now for 5 years (together for 11). I don't love my wife the way I should I believe. We have 2 wonderful boys (3 and 1). I'm obviously in a situation now that is very hard because of the kids. You read so much stuff saying not to break up the family, but again you see things that say not to stay in the family if you're miserable and the kids would be happier if the parents are happy. I'm biased either way I guess. My wife has literally verbally abused me forever! I'm 31 now and really didn't see it until this past year. My parents have always said they've seen it but obviously didn't know everything in our relationship. She is an extremely LOUD person. Over time this did itch at me so I would begin nicely asking her to keep it down a little before going into a restaurant because it truly would embarrase me. She never changed this and began giving me the same excuse of "if you want someone quiet then go marry someone else! You knew I was loud when you met me so that's that!" I really would overlook this somehow and GOD help me I don't know how. Anyway, about a year ago things just got terrible and told her I wanted out because of all the negativitly, manipulation, abuse, etc. We ended out going to counseling for a few months and she still goes to this day. The first month, the counselor couldn't believe I had stayed around for this long. I guess it was so nice hearing that 'I' wasn't the crazy one here. So yes, counseling has been done and the lady even mentioned 'alot' of her being verbally abusive and/or have many traits of borderline personality disorder. I moved out of the house (just down the street in an apt) for around a month. I paid 60% of all the bills since I make 60% of our income along with my new place. Of course she called/texts me always acting so nice and sincere asking me to come home. Well, I did and now I'm back in the same situation I was in last year.

 

I feel like I am truly 'forcing' myself to stay in this marriage. Yes, I believe I'm here 100% to see the kids everyday. Is this bad? We have no affection. She'll try I guess, but I just can't do it. There is no spark left and I don't think it will return. I've asked her time and time again not to yell at the kids for such minor stuff, yet refuses when I ask and tells me that I need to 'help' her. Umm 5 seconds ago I told her that she was yelling at the kids again. I know from an outsider, it is just "oh she wants your help".. Well she is a different breed trust me. I just looking for any advice I guess. Do I deal with all this abuse/manipulation or get out? Her parents by the way are brutal!! They have the worst marriage anyone could ever imagine. It is truly embarrasing being around them. Her father HATES her and her mother just keeps on nagging him or just 'talking' when he's not even looking at her. I just see my wife growing up with this and now she is her mother and i'm turning into her dad. I can't do this right? I'm just scared for the kids. Will they forget about me or resent me?