girlgirlgirl Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 Hi I am going on a second date tonight with the first person I could consider being exclusive with after about ten really, really bad dates. We click, but he kind of intimidates me--he is 29 and I am 22. I just got my first full-time job out of college and he is more established and is a lawyer, which is the slightly intimidating part. He seems a little bit awkward in an endearing way, and on our last date we went to a really low-key biergarden kind of place, and tonight he proposed going to a nicer place for drinks. I am no stranger to relationships, but I am not an experienced "second dater", it is unusual I feel enough chemistry or initiative to want a second date. We already talked a little about past relationships (overviews, no details), school, music, friends, family--is there anything juicier that is considered okay to talk about on second dates? I want to keep his interest and I feel like I might have to initiate starting a little deeper conversations. I just get nervous! Any advice to kind of bridge that awkward, second-date gap where you know you are interested in someone--I feel like I just have to wait for him to make a move and it is annoying! How do I let him know I am interested without seeming immature or too forward? Something that complicates this--he is not a texter--at all. He isn't really a call and chat kind of guy either, he works a lot so our conversation is usually in person and we just arrange meeting up via text. In a way this is good--I haven't seen him for a week and I have a lot of good follow up questions for him because we don't text a lot like most guys I have dated. ANY ADVICE IS WELCOME! ANYYY! Thank you all!
sleepykitten Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 Thats great you really like hi. I dont think any topic is really "off" limits on a second date, it all just depends on the person, i would avoid any stuff about emotions, sex and baggage (although at 22 you probably dont have much baggage!), just be honest and above all be yourself. Talk about what drives you, what your passions are, ask him what his are, holidays, favourite places, dream places, theres loads to talk about. You'll be cool. Have fun.
zengirl Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 Talk about your passions and ask about his, when you find them. I think the best conversation flows from what you're most passionate and excited about, and if that doesn't intrigue a guy . . . well, then he's probably not going to be that guy that totally digs you as you are, right? Because your passions are what you love. That's what makes them powerful to talk about. There's no secret set of "good topics" that works for everyone or every date. People click or they don't. Stop being nervous about where he is in life or comparing yourself to him and focus on what makes you great; then he'll do the same. That said, any 29 year old who is proposing places for drinks as his date choices. . . that doesn't exactly spell looking to get serious to me. I'm not saying it's a huge red flag (it's not) but I'd be a bit keen to figure out what he was looking for. You are thinking LTR mode, but be aware he may not be there, at least with you. I feel like the first date is one thing but if a guy really sees a girl as relationship potential, he's proposing something a bit more than drinks for Date #2 (dinner, at the very least, but I also tend to see guys doing a really good job planning second dates to interesting -- not necessarily expensive but more "I actually sat down and thought about what would be awesome" -- places when they really see a girl as GF material; then again, some guys don't decide that till later).
Author girlgirlgirl Posted July 21, 2011 Author Posted July 21, 2011 I think he takes a while to warm up because he is kind of a nerdy dude, but he told me "you are fun!" and texted me a day later to hang out again. He hasn't talked about sex AT ALL, even in passing, so I am kind of baffled, because it isn't like he just wants sex....
zengirl Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 I think he takes a while to warm up because he is kind of a nerdy dude, but he told me "you are fun!" and texted me a day later to hang out again. He hasn't talked about sex AT ALL, even in passing, so I am kind of baffled, because it isn't like he just wants sex.... Oh, that wasn't what I meant at all with the drinks thing. There are more types of guy mindsets than just "looking for serious" and "looking for sex." I was just responding to your assertion that he seemed like LTR material and I would say, from his date choices, he may not be thinking about that yet. Some guys do really early on, and as I said, some guys take awhile to think about things like that. I just find it's best to never be too ahead of the guy in that mindset. Which doesn't mean don't have fun or that it's pointless or that he's some jerk or something. Nerdy dudes are awesome.
Author girlgirlgirl Posted July 21, 2011 Author Posted July 21, 2011 Thanks for your advice, you rock!
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