irc333 Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 Recently, I've been doing my online dating thing, but also getting out in the world among circles of friends, singles groups, other special interests, etc. Well, typically, you know how it goes with online dating, you send out an email, don't get a response, or if you do, "Sorry, thanks, but we're not a match" responses. Well, there was this one woman I had met in real life recently from the dating sites. She gave me such an email, and about several months later, I bump into her in real life, she was new to the circle of friends, and well...I introduce myself. Guess that's where I first learned of her name, because she never gave it to me in her email response. lol We shook hands, anyhow, I've seen her at quite a few events, and when some opportunity would arise to talk with her, I'd feel this sense of awkwardness like, "Does she remember me from Match.com? Is it pointless in trying to talk with her? Am I creeping her out and she's thinking, 'Didn't I just reject this dude online....can't he take a hint'? I do sometimes think, though, that I suppose for women who reject guys online, when if by sheer coincidence you bump into each other in person, do you see this as a 2nd opportunity, men? Would this be awkward for the ladies that if you recognize a man from online, that's one of your best friends friends if he tries to talk to you?
zengirl Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 I might be friends with a guy I met in the real world but rejected online, but I cannot imagine any circumstances --- unless I rejected him because I was dating someone else at the time (which I occasionally did when I was single because I wouldn't be dating seriously enough to take my profile down but I'd be too into someone to go out with anyone new; but that's a rare case I wouldn't hang your hat on) --- because I rejected him for a reason. And that reason isn't going to be something I forget or something that goes away. But I imagine it all depends on the person. I certainly wouldn't put a lot of hopes into it, especially if she sent you a rejection note back (that means she's polite, so she's going to talk to you if you go up to her, out of the same politeness).
Arasae Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 I've been recognized by men from dating websites a few times... I've had a few guys try to hit on me by saying, "hey, weren't you on so-and-so website?" ...That's a little creepy. Don't do this. If I've ever recognized someone from online, if they didn't bring it up, I was totally cool with hanging out with them in a friendly manner. It wouldn't be that weird unless the guy threw and absolute hissy-fit (also has happened) when I politely told him "no." Most likely, if she hasn't said anything, she doesn't remember you. If she DOES remember you and is still being friendly, courteous, nice, and polite, then no, she's most likely not thinking "can't he take a hint?" If she's curt or otherwise doesn't really want to talk to you, then maybe, but that's her problem. Really, how dare you make conversation in real-life situations. The nerve. Honestly, I wouldn't worry so much about it--take her at face value and try not to dwell on the online-rejection thing. We women are too judgmental for our own good online, and not as much IRL, usually. So.. keep that in mind.
serial muse Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 I've been recognized by men from dating websites a few times... I've had a few guys try to hit on me by saying, "hey, weren't you on so-and-so website?" ...That's a little creepy. Don't do this. If I've ever recognized someone from online, if they didn't bring it up, I was totally cool with hanging out with them in a friendly manner. It wouldn't be that weird unless the guy threw and absolute hissy-fit (also has happened) when I politely told him "no." Most likely, if she hasn't said anything, she doesn't remember you. If she DOES remember you and is still being friendly, courteous, nice, and polite, then no, she's most likely not thinking "can't he take a hint?" If she's curt or otherwise doesn't really want to talk to you, then maybe, but that's her problem. Totally agree with this. This happened to me too; someone I saw on a dating website happens to be in the same field I'm in, and when we met at a work event he sort of blurted out "didn't I see you on so-and-so site" by way of introduction. That was awkward and it sort of cast a pall on our attempts at friendly conversation. As it happens, I really wasn't interested so that wasn't going to change. But I don't think that's a hard-and-fast rule; there can be different chemistry IRL than online, so I don't think there's a moratorium on asking someone from a dating website out in person if you happen to run into them. Just don't mention that you saw them on the dating website; I think a lot of people feel uncomfortable about having their "cover" blown in that way when they weren't prepared for it.
manders_01 Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 You will enjoy this story. It's a little different scenario though.
OliveOyl Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 There's a big difference between online and in-person. Someone may have rejected you because you didn't fit what they thought they were looking for online. Or perhaps the photographs didn't come across well. But in-person you can get a much fuller impression and someone's physical presence may completely change things. As well, an online profile is kind of 1 or 2- dimensional, and it's much easier to forget there's a real person there. I wouldn't pass up the opportunity to get to know someone just because there had been an online rejection. It could be a second chance.
sm1tten Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 This happened to me once. I had a decreasingly low level of interest; I stopped emailing him. He stopped calling. Cue a month or so later when I ran into him at the pharmacy. Awwwkward. We definitely recognized each other and while I wouldn't have blown him off if he had approached, he had that look - you may recognise it as the "cover blown" look. But frankly, the only reason I remembered him was because of his distinctive looks, and the very uncomfortable air that was giving off in the pharmacy jogged my memory. Maybe he was uncomfortable because I implicitly rejected him but I had the impression it was more that he had been recognised by a fellow online dater. I wouldn't have felt weird talking to him.
Author irc333 Posted July 21, 2011 Author Posted July 21, 2011 Yeah, I see this woman more frequently now in our outings with other friends and such. I talked to her, and she was cordial, I asked about her, and she'd answer, but would never really ask many questions about me. I mean, she'll be conversational about everyday stuff, but when it came to personal conversation about what she does for work, where she was from originally, what she likes to do for fun.....you could tell by her tone she tried to not talk about herself too much. But I never said, "Hey, I know you from online!" lol But...I did one day kind of do that with another woman. Whath appened was this, a female friend of mine invited us to see the movies. You know those "My Matches" you get weekly from Match.com in your email? Where they match you up with people, well one of "My matches" was THAT woman. LOL I knew I had recognized her from somewhere. Anyway, my friend introduces me to her, and we chat a bit, and the movie starts. After the event, I went home, few days later, I see her post something on my friends wall on FB, so I decide to add her as a friend. We started talking through FB....and had asked, "Hey, did you have a subscription on Match.com at one time?" And she goes, "Yeah, did, but I cancelled it, was too pricey" And I said, "I knew I recognized you, I think you were on that site....so you seeing anyone now?" And she says, "My dating life is none of your business" She stops talking to me, and the next day, she UN-friended me from FB. Wack job.
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