OWoman Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 Assertions have been made on another thread about OWs and their behaviour on meeting BWs. In the interests of testing these assertions: 1) as an OW, were / are you prepared to meet the BW post-DDay? Would the views of your MP influence this decision? 2) why would you, or would you not, be prepared to meet the BW? 3) If you met the BW, would you: a) answer her questions honestly b) answer her questions, but embellish the truth so as to hurt her c) downplay the truth so as not to hurt her d) downplay the truth to protect the MP e) use the opportunity for your own purposes, rather than hers? 4) Would you want the MP present during such a meeting? Why? ********************************************************** 5) as a BS, would you have been prepared to meet the AP post-Dday if s/he had instigated that? Would the views of your WS have influenced your decision? 6) why would you, or would you not, have been prepared to meet the AP? 7) If you met the AP, would you: a) answer their questions honestly b) answer their questions, but embellish the truth so as to hurt them c) downplay the truth so as not to hurt them d) downplay the truth to protect the WS e) use the opportunity for your own purposes, rather than theirs? 8) Would you want the WS present during such a meeting? Why?
Author OWoman Posted July 21, 2011 Author Posted July 21, 2011 omitted to add - single genders used for convenience of typing; the post applies equally to OMs and MWs as it does to OWs and MMs, or to same-sex Rs.
NoIDidn't Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 Assertions have been made on another thread about OWs and their behaviour on meeting BWs. In the interests of testing these assertions: 1) as an OW, were / are you prepared to meet the BW post-DDay? Would the views of your MP influence this decision? 2) why would you, or would you not, be prepared to meet the BW? 3) If you met the BW, would you: a) answer her questions honestly b) answer her questions, but embellish the truth so as to hurt her c) downplay the truth so as not to hurt her d) downplay the truth to protect the MP e) use the opportunity for your own purposes, rather than hers? 4) Would you want the MP present during such a meeting? Why? ********************************************************** 5) as a BS, would you have been prepared to meet the AP post-Dday if s/he had instigated that? Would the views of your WS have influenced your decision? 6) why would you, or would you not, have been prepared to meet the AP? 7) If you met the AP, would you: a) answer their questions honestly b) answer their questions, but embellish the truth so as to hurt them c) downplay the truth so as not to hurt them d) downplay the truth to protect the WS e) use the opportunity for your own purposes, rather than theirs? 8) Would you want the WS present during such a meeting? Why? As the BS, I would not feel the need to answer any questions by an OW as my answers concerning my marriage are truly none of their business. I don't set out to hurt people on general principle, and certainly not when they've agreed to meet with me about something so sensitive, so b thru d really won't occur to me. But of course I would use the opportunity for my own purposes. What would I meet with an OW for to benefit her? It wouldn't have mattered if my H was present or not. I would say all that I had to say in his presence or not. I would think that the OW wouldn't want the MM there, though. It would be really disappointing for her to see the MM present any kind of protectiveness towards the W she helped betray. At least that's my opinion of what would happen.
MissBee Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 (edited) Assertions have been made on another thread about OWs and their behaviour on meeting BWs. In the interests of testing these assertions: 1) as an OW, were / are you prepared to meet the BW post-DDay? Would the views of your MP influence this decision? I never thought about it...never considered a dday. I somehow always knew it would come to some type of ending that didn't include some dramatic confrontation/dday scenario. 2) why would you, or would you not, be prepared to meet the BW? Same as above. I wouldn't be prepared as I never considered meeting her so it wouldn't be something I had pre-rehearsed. 3) If you met the BW, would you: a) answer her questions honestly If I was at the height of the affair and depending on how she confronted me and what she asked I would either answer honestly or not answer at all but I wouldn't make up answers, lie or deny my involvement with him b) answer her questions, but embellish the truth so as to hurt her No, I would not. I actually felt bad for her and had a conscious regarding her, so I wouldn't try to hurt her by embellishing the truth. My dad's OW did this though, made up all kinds of things to hurt my mom c) downplay the truth so as not to hurt her I wouldn't go into gory details, example, a wife I know asked the OW how many times she and her husband had had sex....the OW told her how many times I would not give such details honestly. I would most likely gauge my answers and make them truthful without it being a tell-all d) downplay the truth to protect the MP There was another thread in which I stated I never really had these feelings of loyalty and needing to protect the taken guy or side with him and so on. I loved him but I did feel he should own his shyt therefore I never felt this need to protect him in regards to being in the affair. So no, I would not downplay the truth for his sake. e) use the opportunity for your own purposes, rather than hers? At the time, if I agreed to talk to her, some of it would have to be for my purposes.It just wouldn't make sense while in the affair for me to be meeting up with her solely for her sake. I would gain something out of the meeting as well but I don't think me getting something out of the meeting would be at her expense. 4) Would you want the MP present during such a meeting? Why? No. It would be quite awkward. He is the common denominator in the foolishness and if any lies have been perpetrated it would most likely be on his end, so as the OW I would have loved to hear what his gf had to say without his watchful eye and she would probably feel the same. I see no need for him there to influence either of us or to punish himself. ********************************************************** My answers are bolded. Edited July 21, 2011 by MissBee
Waffles Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 Assertions have been made on another thread about OWs and their behaviour on meeting BWs. In the interests of testing these assertions: 1) as an OW, were / are you prepared to meet the BW post-DDay? Would the views of your MP influence this decision? Yes to the first, no to the second. 2) why would you, or would you not, be prepared to meet the BW? Think ahead and be prepared. I'd expect something like that. 3) If you met the BW, would you:a) answer her questions honestly b) answer her questions, but embellish the truth so as to hurt her c) downplay the truth so as not to hurt her d) downplay the truth to protect the MP e) use the opportunity for your own purposes, rather than hers? I choose a) 4) Would you want the MP present during such a meeting? Why? If he's there, he's there. If not, than he's not. I'd be interested in his reactions at the meeting though. ********************************************************** 5) as a BS, would you have been prepared to meet the AP post-Dday if s/he had instigated that? Would the views of your WS have influenced your decision? Yes to both. 6) why would you, or would you not, have been prepared to meet the AP? I guess that I'd like to know what she has to say. 7) If you met the AP, would you:a) answer their questions honestly b) answer their questions, but embellish the truth so as to hurt them c) downplay the truth so as not to hurt them d) downplay the truth to protect the WS e) use the opportunity for your own purposes, rather than theirs? a) again. 8) Would you want the WS present during such a meeting? Why? Yes. So that he could get an earful. Of constructive questions. There you go.
seren Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 (edited) 5) as a BS, would you have been prepared to meet the AP post-Dday if s/he had instigated that? Would the views of your WS have influenced your decision? Once the dust had settled, then yes, before that I was too dammed angry with everyone. We did meet oddly enough the OW asked me to help her to access a refuge as her H physically attacked her when someome else told him about the A. I helped. The views of my H would not have made any difference, my decision. 6) why would you, or would you not, have been prepared to meet the AP? 7) If you met the AP, would you: a) answer their questions honestly b) answer their questions, but embellish the truth so as to hurt them c) downplay the truth so as not to hurt them d) downplay the truth to protect the WS e) use the opportunity for your own purposes, rather than theirs? 8) Would you want the WS present during such a meeting? Why? I went for A, but realise that we were coming from different places. For example, OW said that me and H hadn't had sex, what she ommitted to say was that I had been having treatment for cancer. OW was initially sure that I was preventing H from speaking to her (!) my answer was, no, I had encouraged H to speak with her to give her closure. I didn't need to embelish the truth and felt sorry for her as she loved H, it is not in my nature to hurt another, certainly not for my gain. Had H asked to come then yes he could have, but I wouldn't want to rub her nose in it. OW asked and I answered, I asked and she answered and not always in a way that portrayed her in a good light. I felt sorry for her TBH. I wanted truth and honesty, which she gave, I reciprocated Edited July 21, 2011 by seren few words added and typo cleaned up
bentnotbroken Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 Assertions have been made on another thread about OWs and their behaviour on meeting BWs. In the interests of testing these assertions: ********************************************************** 5) as a BS, would you have been prepared to meet the AP post-Dday if s/he had instigated that? Would the views of your WS have influenced your decision? 6) why would you, or would you not, have been prepared to meet the AP? 7) If you met the AP, would you: a) answer their questions honestly b) answer their questions, but embellish the truth so as to hurt them c) downplay the truth so as not to hurt them d) downplay the truth to protect the WS e) use the opportunity for your own purposes, rather than theirs? 8) Would you want the WS present during such a meeting? Why? 5) Yes I was prepared and asked for it. No his views meant nothing, so I ignored them and did what I needed to do. He begged me not to talk with her......yeah like I am going to listen to anything he wanted at that point. He said that her husband would beat him down:laugh: Okkkkkaaaaayyyyy, your problem is what? 6)I was prepared because I was protecting my family. I am always prepared for that. 7a) I did some of them, some of them I did not. b) No, I don't embellish. It is what it is. c)No, I wouldn't down play the truth. If I want to hurt you, there are more effective ways to do that. d):lmao::lmao:There was no protecting him from me, my family, my friends or his family. He did the deed, then he should be prepared for whatever the outcome. e)Hmmmm. I did use the opportunity to help me heal..so yes I used it for my own purposes. 8) Tried to get him to be present. He is a conflict avoider, passive aggressive, NPD mess:rolleyes:. He wasn't going anywhere near that time bomb. Two women(and her xBS) in one place. I wanted him present so that her xBS would have the same opportunity to face his attackers/abusers as I intended to have. It was healing for me. It allowed me to stare into the eyes of the people who thought I would slink off into the sunset. He deserved everything that I needed to say and he should have been man enough to sit in the hot seat and smell the stench he helped to create. My thought is when a WS and AP can't or won't do that, it is because they still don't want to face the mess of a life they destroyed with a well placed bomb.
reboot Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 9) Happily turned his face into mush? Yes, absolutely Men, right?
herenow Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 (edited) A 5) as a BS, would you have been prepared to meet the AP post-Dday if s/he had instigated that? Would the views of your WS have influenced your decision? 6) why would you, or would you not, have been prepared to meet the AP? 7) If you met the AP, would you: a) answer their questions honestly b) answer their questions, but embellish the truth so as to hurt them c) downplay the truth so as not to hurt them d) downplay the truth to protect the WS e) use the opportunity for your own purposes, rather than theirs? 8) Would you want the WS present during such a meeting? Why? I guess the politically correct thing to say would be yes, if the OW wanted to meet me, I would meet her. But, the truth is, I have no reason to meet her and I probably wouldn't want to waste my time or her time. After D-day she wanted my H to lie to me. She wanted him to tell me they had a one night stand. She wanted him to give me a different name so I wouldn't know who she was. With these facts in mind, nothing she would say would be believable. My time is better spent on the things and people who matter to me. To have met with the OW would have taken time away from what is most important. Many people say that the OW doesn't owe the BW anything because she isn't married to the BW. They claim that it's the MM"s place to deal with the BW and her questions. I have to say I agree. Which is why I have never had the need or desire to meet the OW or talk to her about anything. The only person I care to deal with when it comes to my marriage is my husband. I don't owe anything to the OW and she does not owe me anything. Edited July 21, 2011 by herenow
jj33 Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 I met her and she didnt ask me anything except how we met. He was present. She was horrid to him but very charming to me
JaneyAmazed Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 For those who haven't already met with the OW/OM/BS, it's fine to answer these questions hypothetically, but I don't think anyone really knows exactly what they'll say or ask until they are in the meeting. They could go into the meeting with one agenda or mindset and change it up some after meeting with the person. Or emotions might be riding high and more might be said than planned.
Snowflower Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 Thanks, OW, for such a well thought out OP. I hope it sparks some good discussion so that the other thread will not continue to be thread-jacked. My answers in bold... 5) as a BS, would you have been prepared to meet the AP post-Dday if s/he had instigated that? Would the views of your WS have influenced your decision? No, I was not prepared to meet the AP post-dday and I never did meet her. I don't think she was any more anxious to meet me because she was very concerned with what my reaction was to d-day and if I knew who she was. This I verified after reading her email to my H. 6) why would you, or would you not, have been prepared to meet the AP? Because I was unsure of what my reaction would be! No, I wouldn't have been violent or anything--that is just so not me. But I might have cried, or shown emotion/weakness that I did not want her to witness. And like another poster, I think Sillygirl, pointed out, I would have had memories and triggers of that meeting with the OW stuck in my mind forever afterward. I was very concerned about that-for my own emotional well-being. Since I never met her after d-day (although I did know who she was because I had met her before the affair), I never had to deal with any unexpected surprises. I can see why a BS would want to meet though. I can completely understand that. 7) If you met the AP, would you:a) answer their questions honestly b) answer their questions, but embellish the truth so as to hurt them c) downplay the truth so as not to hurt them d) downplay the truth to protect the WS e) use the opportunity for your own purposes, rather than theirs? Can't answer these questions since I never met with the OW...I would have hoped that the OW would have at least apologized for her complicity in helping my husband betray me. 8) Would you want the WS present during such a meeting? Why? Probably not because he would have tried to put a stop to it. If I had sought her out, it would have been something I did for me alone.
Snowflower Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 For those who haven't already met with the OW/OM/BS, it's fine to answer these questions hypothetically, but I don't think anyone really knows exactly what they'll say or ask until they are in the meeting. They could go into the meeting with one agenda or mindset and change it up some after meeting with the person. Or emotions might be riding high and more might be said than planned. Exactly...it would be hypothetical to answer the questions if you (general you) were trying to answer the questions as..."Well, I would say/do this in that meeting..." But the OP also asked if the AP/BS was prepared to meet after d-day. And why or why not. Now, that you can answer without the hypotheticals!
Silly_Girl Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 Assertions have been made on another thread about OWs and their behaviour on meeting BWs. In the interests of testing these assertions: 1) as an OW, were / are you prepared to meet the BW post-DDay? Would the views of your MP influence this decision? Now? Love to. Maybe she'd finally get the message. When we split? If I thought it was with a view to them reconciling (arrogantly the reconciliation would have to be such by MY standards, and those of some I see posting here, and not merely sharing a postcode again, living alongside a person after leaving them for another that you love is NOT reconciling) absolutely, definitely. I would have given A LOT then to see them work it out and make one another happy. 3) If you met the BW, would you: a) answer her questions honestly b) answer her questions, but embellish the truth so as to hurt her c) downplay the truth so as not to hurt her d) downplay the truth to protect the MP e) use the opportunity for your own purposes, rather than hers? I'd be honest. But it could be brutally honest, I know much of her personality and she would not appreciate my straight-talking. It wouldn't be to hurt her. It's possible I would downplay the truth for both c) and d). I wouldn't hide that he told me of her affair, or of his hurt at her refusal of sexual contact, but I wouldn't be interested in going in to loads of details in respect of that. No need to hurt her further, no need to drop him in it further. But I wouldn't lie, that's a different thing. 4) Would you want the MP present during such a meeting? Why? Don't really care ********************************************************** 5) as a BS, would you have been prepared to meet the AP post-Dday if s/he had instigated that? Would the views of your WS have influenced your decision? (We weren't married but we were engaged and booked the wedding...) Nope, they could f*** off. And he'd have had no say either. The exception was when I approached the OW because I knew her, she was my friend, I was livid. 6) why would you, or would you not, have been prepared to meet the AP? The only pertinent details for me were: - what HE was doing - what HE was saying - promises he'd made to me that HE was breaking 7) If you met the AP, would you: a) answer their questions honestly b) answer their questions, but embellish the truth so as to hurt them c) downplay the truth so as not to hurt them d) downplay the truth to protect the WS e) use the opportunity for your own purposes, rather than theirs? 8) Would you want the WS present during such a meeting? Why? Not applicable to me.
Waffles Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 For those who haven't already met with the OW/OM/BS, it's fine to answer these questions hypothetically, but I don't think anyone really knows exactly what they'll say or ask until they are in the meeting. They could go into the meeting with one agenda or mindset and change it up some after meeting with the person. Or emotions might be riding high and more might be said than planned. Sounds good to me. Even though you weren't specifically referring to me, there were no hypotheticals on my part Janey. Only personal experience. But I will agree with you. Often, even if you think ahead, things won't go as planned. So grit your teeth and expect the worse. Although, you may be pleasantly surprised.
SidLyon Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 Assertions have been made on another thread about OWs and their behaviour on meeting BWs. In the interests of testing these assertions: 1) as an OW, were / are you prepared to meet the BW post-DDay? Would the views of your MP influence this decision? I have to answer the OW questions hypothetically as I've not been an OW. Yes I'd be prepared to meet the BW. The views of the MM would be irrelevant in the main, but if he pushed too much against us meeting then that would probably sway me towards meeting her. 2) why would you, or would you not, be prepared to meet the BW? Whether I'd actually meet a specific BW would probably depend on several factors including how safe I'd feel, my own levels of "guilt" or culpability, how "apologetic" I felt, how much I believed the BW was responsible for the situation and how much the MM had lied to me or been honest with me. 3) If you met the BW, would you: a) answer her questions honestly b) answer her questions, but embellish the truth so as to hurt her c) downplay the truth so as not to hurt her d) downplay the truth to protect the MP e) use the opportunity for your own purposes, rather than hers? I'm generally an up-front person who can be blunt or tactful depending on the circumstances. If I were to meet with the BW, then my level of honesty with her would probably be related to the factors above. Also my own interests would take precedence over hers in most circumstances. I prefer complete honesty as a general rule so would probably err on that side. 4) Would you want the MP present during such a meeting? Why? I'm not sure about this; probably not if I felt guilty, but more so if I either felt "justified" or that he was to blame. ********************************************************** 5) as a BS, would you have been prepared to meet the AP post-Dday if s/he had instigated that? Would the views of your WS have influenced your decision? I speak less hypothetically here because I did meet with the OW, however it was instigated by me not her. Even had she instigated it I'd probably have been willing to meet. My WH views did not come into it and wouldn't. I didn't consult him before meeting with her although he knew I might. I'm positive he didn't want us to meet. 6) why would you, or would you not, have been prepared to meet the AP? I met her for my own "closure" not hers. I'm not sure that I got it but I have not regretted it. 7) If you met the AP, would you: a) answer their questions honestly b) answer their questions, but embellish the truth so as to hurt them c) downplay the truth so as not to hurt them d) downplay the truth to protect the WS e) use the opportunity for your own purposes, rather than theirs? She didn't ask me any questions and I didn't ask her any questions of significance to me, other than "why it happened?". I did ask her some other fairly irrelevant questions really to test her levels of honesty and she lied through her teeth to me, so I knew I probably wouldn't get much honesty from her. My WH already warned me I wouldn't get much in the way of truth from her, so I'm glad I didn't ask any detailed questions about the affair. While she didn't ask me many questions I did talk as if I was answering question she might have asked. I guess in terms of the options you have given I was there for my own purposes, not hers. 8) Would you want the WS present during such a meeting? Why? I would have liked it if he was there but he wouldn't have come, so I didn't ask him. I would have wanted him there so he could make a true comparison and come to a decision. As it was he'd already made his decision and probably didn't want to reconsider. My answers above in bold.
Summer Breeze Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 Assertions have been made on another thread about OWs and their behaviour on meeting BWs. In the interests of testing these assertions: 1) as an OW, were / are you prepared to meet the BW post-DDay? Would the views of your MP influence this decision? I met her twice and we had phone calls the other times (all post dday). When the A started I told MP I would not lie for him under any circumstance and if BW ever contacted me she would get the truth. 2) why would you, or would you not, be prepared to meet the BW? I had nothing to hide so I would have no reason at all to not meet her. 3) If you met the BW, would you: a) answer her questions honestly I did b) answer her questions, but embellish the truth so as to hurt her Not at all c) downplay the truth so as not to hurt her Not at all d) downplay the truth to protect the MP Not in the least. He created his mess he can protect himself from it! e) use the opportunity for your own purposes, rather than hers? Not really because I had nothing to say to her and no questions for her. I had no purpose to speak to her but I wasn't going to dismiss her. Having said that maybe that was my purpose-I told him I wouldn't lie or hide and I didn't, at any level. 4) Would you want the MP present during such a meeting? Why? He was actually present for several of the phone calls and with some of the things he was saying to her I don't understand why she stayed. ********************************************************** 5) as a BS, would you have been prepared to meet the AP post-Dday if s/he had instigated that? Would the views of your WS have influenced your decision? I knew her but I still wouldn't have wanted to meet her if I didn't. Why? He cheated on me not her. What would we have to say to each other? 6) why would you, or would you not, have been prepared to meet the AP? As above, and no WS wouldn't have changed my thoughts at all. 7) If you met the AP, would you: a) answer their questions honestly Yes if I did answer it would have been honest, that's my nature b) answer their questions, but embellish the truth so as to hurt them I doubt I'd have answered anything. It was done. c) downplay the truth so as not to hurt them No d) downplay the truth to protect the WS Not on your life e) use the opportunity for your own purposes, rather than theirs? I wouldn't have had any reason to meet her so it would have been hers 8) Would you want the WS present during such a meeting? Why? If I had spoken to her he would absolutely have been there. Why would I want him to be able to miss out on that little meeting! My answers are in bold
Silly_Girl Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 BB, if they had been reconciling in the sense of the word I understand I'd have done ANYTHING back then to help. Anything. By reconciling I mean outside assistance, being honest, addressing the very long-buried issues going back over a decade, re-committing to one another. The types of things I hear former WSs and BSs talking about on LS. But when she left him to be with the man she loved and it didn't work out, she simply moved back in but nothing changed and nothing was discussed. So if he moved back and she wanted to meet me out of interest, and NOT because they were fixing things then to me I'm just 'sport' and I'd have no interest at all in being a part of their odd dynamic. I would simply choose not to accept a meeting, as would be my right. And remember, he cut contact with me and 'stayed' with her and nothing changed, if anything he was even less a participant in the marriage after that, so I know it (a 'non' reconciliation) would be the most likely outcome if something weird happened and he decided not to divorce and all that. I'm just realistic about them.
Memphis Raines Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 5) as a BS, would you have been prepared to meet the AP post-Dday if s/he had instigated that? yes, and I did meet the OM. His ego couldn't handle that he just wasn't important enough for me to waste my time on him. So he contacted me as some sort of alpha male that wanted to show me he isn't scared of me(as if I ever paid him any attention anyway). So I told him I didn't care to talk to him. So he tells people I'm scared of him. So when I went to get my kids for the weekend I called the X and told her before she sends my kids out, send out her new jackass. So he comes out and I told him, if he has anything to say now, or do, now is the time. told him I'd leave the law out of it if he did. he said, "no, nothing to say" and walked back in the house. Would the views of your WS have influenced your decision? not sure why this would influence my decision. 6) why would you, or would you not, have been prepared to meet the AP? I was not prepared to meet the OM, simply because I didn't give 2 *****s about him. she was his problem now, and vice versa. 7) If you met the AP, would you: a) answer their questions honestly the AP isn't entitled to any answers from me. So the answer would be no. b) answer their questions, but embellish the truth so as to hurt them only thing I told him was she was his problem now since she is a cheater, and that he did me a favor c) downplay the truth so as not to hurt them and if I did feel he was entitled to answers, why the hell would I care if he is hurt or not? they certainly didn't care if I was. answer would be, no, I wouldn't downplay. that is IF I felt the need to answer his questions. d) downplay the truth to protect the WS LMFAO! oh man, now that was a good one above. e) use the opportunity for your own purposes, rather than theirs? as a BS, why would I care about their purposes? again, they aren't entitled to ANYTHING from the BS. they had done enough. 8) Would you want the WS present during such a meeting? Why? she was, but she was inside. but yes, would want her there, because there isn't anything I wouldn't say to him that I wouldn't want her to hear either. you know, some choice words:cool:
piscis Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 Assertions have been made on another thread about OWs and their behaviour on meeting BWs. In the interests of testing these assertions: 1) as an OW, were / are you prepared to meet the BW post-DDay? Would the views of your MP influence this decision? Yes, I was just after DDay and I am now. No my decision would not be influenced. 2) why would you, or would you not, be prepared to meet the BW? I will be prepared just because she knows about me, and I won't be prepared because you never know how a person can react (she or me) but I know I will treat her with respect. 3) If you met the BW, would you: a) answer her questions honestly Yes, I would, nevertheless I dont think she would believe me. b) answer her questions, but embellish the truth so as to hurt her No, I will just share my story as it is. c) downplay the truth so as not to hurt her No, I will be completlye honest about it even with the parts she will not want to hear. d) downplay the truth to protect the MP No, he did not protected me, or her or their child why would I protect him? e) use the opportunity for your own purposes, rather than hers? I will be honest. I will use the opportunity to tell her exactly what happened. 4) Would you want the MP present during such a meeting? Why? No, it will be better if it is just she and me. By the way, she confronted me by phone, she wanted answers but did not let me talk, she was not hurful, neither did I when I had opportunity to sepak (2 words) I dont think she would care talking to me at all. **********************************************************
Anna101 Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 1. Yes I was. 2. I understand the need for both parties to talk to each other I suppose. 3. I answered her questions honestly. I wanted her to understand how I saw it. We were both upset with him and got the 'truth' as we saw it off each other. Confirmed certain things. However the real need for me was the need to do something 'against' him when I'd spend 2 years doing everything to keep his secret a secret. I would not want him present. I haven't seen her since they split up and we got back together, so it's been quite a long while.
fooled once Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 Assertions have been made on another thread about OWs and their behaviour on meeting BWs. In the interests of testing these assertions: 1) as an OW, were / are you prepared to meet the BW post-DDay? Would the views of your MP influence this decision? **Yep. I never met her but spoke with her on the phone at length. His views weren't considered. 2) why would you, or would you not, be prepared to meet the BW? **Yep 3) If you met the BW, would you:a) answer her questions honestly b) answer her questions, but embellish the truth so as to hurt her c) downplay the truth so as not to hurt her d) downplay the truth to protect the MP e) use the opportunity for your own purposes, rather than hers? ** I did a bit of A and B and E 4) Would you want the MP present during such a meeting? Why? **Yep, that would have been fine. Would like to have seen how he reacted. ********************************************************** Answers above. I didn't answer as a BS as I have never had that experience.
OldOnTheInside Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 Assertions have been made on another thread about OWs and their behaviour on meeting BWs. In the interests of testing these assertions: 1) as an OW, were / are you prepared to meet the BW post-DDay? Would the views of your MP influence this decision? Yes to the first question. Good thing I was prepared too, since I did meet the BH. No to the second. 2) why would you, or would you not, be prepared to meet the BW? It seemed like a plausible enough situation. I accepted that. 3) If you met the BW, would you:a) answer her questions honestly Yep. Might as well. b) answer her questions, but embellish the truth so as to hurt her c) downplay the truth so as not to hurt her d) downplay the truth to protect the MP e) use the opportunity for your own purposes, rather than hers?4) Would you want the MP present during such a meeting? Why? It wouldn't matter to me. But she was there, and I got to hear some of her dissenting opinions. ********************************************************** 5) as a BS, would you have been prepared to meet the AP post-Dday if s/he had instigated that? Would the views of your WS have influenced your decision? Yes and no. I did meet him. Didn't have much to say. Hmph. 6) why would you, or would you not, have been prepared to meet the AP? It seemed like a plausible enough situation. I accepted that. 7) If you met the AP, would you:a) answer their questions honestly This. b) answer their questions, but embellish the truth so as to hurt them c) downplay the truth so as not to hurt them d) downplay the truth to protect the WS e) use the opportunity for your own purposes, rather than theirs?8) Would you want the WS present during such a meeting? Why? If my wife wanted to go, I would accept that. I'd be interested in what she had to say when placed on the spot. Didn't come about. 10 characters eh?
So Very Confused Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 I have been on both sides of the fence. I never met my xH's OW and I can't imagine a scenario where I would meet my current AP's BS but here's my answers: Assertions have been made on another thread about OWs and their behaviour on meeting BWs. In the interests of testing these assertions: 1) as an OW, were / are you prepared to meet the BW post-DDay? Would the views of your MP influence this decision? D-day has happened and there's no reason for us to meet. I don't think he'd want us to meet and compare notes. 2) why would you, or would you not, be prepared to meet the BW? No way, no how. I can't imagine anything good that could come from such a meeting. 3) If you met the BW, would you:a) answer her questions honestly b) answer her questions, but embellish the truth so as to hurt her c) downplay the truth so as not to hurt her d) downplay the truth to protect the MP e) use the opportunity for your own purposes, rather than hers? I'd answer her questions honestly and I wouldn't be interested in protecting the MP. He's on his own in this scenario. 4) Would you want the MP present during such a meeting? Why? It wouldn't matter. The truth wouldn't change. ********************************************************** 5) as a BS, would you have been prepared to meet the AP post-Dday if s/he had instigated that? Would the views of your WS have influenced your decision? I don't think I would trust her to tell the truth. I think it would be very interesting to find out the truth though and I think it would answer a lot of questions. I didn't believe anything my WS said either so his views wouldn't have influenced me even a little. 6) why would you, or would you not, have been prepared to meet the AP? I would to learn the truth or if the AP and I could both beat the snot out of my WS. (only joking a little) 7) If you met the AP, would you:a) answer their questions honestly b) answer their questions, but embellish the truth so as to hurt them c) downplay the truth so as not to hurt them d) downplay the truth to protect the WS e) use the opportunity for your own purposes, rather than theirs? I would answer all questions honestly to the best of my understanding but there was so much craziness going on I was pretty clueless so I doubt I'd be of much use. 8) Would you want the WS present during such a meeting? Why? Only if she'd help me dispose of his body. (that was ONLY a joke)
silktricks Posted July 25, 2011 Posted July 25, 2011 (edited) Assertions have been made on another thread about OWs and their behaviour on meeting BWs. In the interests of testing these assertions: 5) as a BS, would you have been prepared to meet the AP post-Dday if s/he had instigated that? Would the views of your WS have influenced your decision? I would have met with her had she requested. I did call her, but she hung up on me. 6) why would you, or would you not, have been prepared to meet the AP? Purely selfish, frankly. I wanted to see her, wanted to be a real person to her, and wanted her to be a real person to me. I would have like to ask her a few questions as well. 7) If you met the AP, would you:a) answer their questions honestly b) answer their questions, but embellish the truth so as to hurt them c) downplay the truth so as not to hurt them d) downplay the truth to protect the WS e) use the opportunity for your own purposes, rather than theirs? Both a and e. I would have answered honestly any questions she would have had, and I would also have used the opportuntiy for my own purposes as well, as I would have also asked her some questions. 8) Would you want the WS present during such a meeting? Why? I believe that he would have wanted to be present, had such a meeting occurred. I would probably have preferred that he not be present. I think that if he was not present at this mythical meeting that she could have been more honest with me. Also, TBH, if she did say something that contradicted him, I would prefer that he not have time to construct a new "truth" to fit the difference . BTW, the above answers are given based on the idea that a meeting would have occurred at or soon after D-Day. At this point - no I wouldn't be bothered by meeting with her. Edited July 25, 2011 by silktricks
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