Exit Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 Well, we're back together. I'm not jumping for joy or anything like I may have imagined. It's been an arduous process and more than anything I would say it's a sense of relief. Broke up 4 months ago. Never truly went into a state of no contact. I think the longest sustained break was maybe 5 days. Did I succeed by following every rule in the "cool, calm ex" book? Did I wait 30 days, ask her out for coffee, make sure not to bring up the relationship, and all that garbage? No. For the first while, I begged, I pleaded, I pressured, and it only resulted in arguments and crying. Eventually we transitioned into just seeing each other when we could, and discussing the relationship never really stopped, but for the most part it became a much calmer process. As time went by we honestly started to feel like a separated married couple. We kept seeing each other, but there was always that distance between us. I never heard the "I love you, but I'm not in love with you", "the feelings just disappeared and I can't help it", or anything like that. She always said she loved me. The chemistry never truly faded, and neither did the attraction. We'd be in the middle of having an argument about me wanting to get back together, and there'd be a break in the chaos, and we'd end up just looking at each other and breaking into laughter. Moments like that became important to both of us in realizing that there was still something worth fighting for. Do I need anyone to come in and burst my bubble and tell me what the reality is? No, not at all. I realize this may not last. I've seen other people on here saying breaking up the 2nd time around hurts a hell of a lot worse. I know. I'm taking the risk, I would really like this to be the girl that I have in my future. And I also recall seeing someone else make a comment that "getting back together is not the end of the hard work, it's only the beginning", and that's how I am approaching this. Is everything back to normal? No. There is a lot of work to be done, a lot of talking and rebuilding, and if she can't handle it, it won't work. But she has given me enough faith in her to at least want to see how it goes. I told her there's a good chance that during one of these first days, something will spook one of us, or one of us could wake up one morning and think "oh crap, I agreed to getting back together?!", or the smallest disagreement could make one of us want to run, but I told her we need to push through that, it's going to feel weird, there may be awkward moments, but a sense of normalcy will be achieved as this stuff fades back into the distance. She said she agrees to commit to that and won't let any potential worries that pop up make her change her mind. Am I convinced of anything at this point? No, but I think I'm better off that way. What could she possibly do to make me know that this will ever end again? Nothing. It's a leap of faith and I'll do my best to handle whatever may come. I reached my goal in my own way. Don't spend your hard earned money on a $40 e-book on how to win someone back or anything like that. I actually find it quite depressing to see attempts to break down human emotion and behavior into such uninspired, mechanical processes. If the girl I loved was such a soulless monkey that I could win her back with the ol' "make her miss you for a month, then hang out and act like you don't miss the relationship", I don't think I'd want her anyway. I missed my ex and I told her so. If an e-book could tell me what my ex wants more than I can figure out on my own, something is wrong. Obviously, don't be a psycho about things, try to reestablish your own life, realize that you will survive, but other than that, there are no rules. Don't try to read my story and figure out exactly what I did to get to this point and then try to apply it to your ex. You're not trying to win back the same girl. (Well, you better not be, otherwise her and I have something to discuss already). If you shared something special, and if it's meant to happen, it'll happen. Hell, even that isn't a solid rule, many people share something special, and it still never comes back. See? I can't break this down into a simple set of rules either. It can't be done. It's not about what we can do to change their minds. They need to do it on their own. And although I did try to "get" my ex back, this was ultimately her decision. It's not that I talked her into it. Quite the opposite, any time I talked to her or gave her a letter, her answer was still no. Many times. She came to this on her own. Wish us luck, pray for our success, send us good vibes, whatever form of supernatural assistance you may believe in, send some our way. I hope we will be a true success story, not a temporary one, but only time will tell.
wilsonx Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 You are going into this know well what you are getting into more then any other person that posts on these forums, the risks and the rewards. So I will be the first to say good luck and I hope you succeed and all your hard work pays off
Cupiddd86 Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 Hi Exit, I read your story and it sounds so similar to mine with just a different plot twists. I also wasn't ever able to keep NC and after not 1 but 2 break ups.. we still got attracted back to eachother. The love, the chemistry is still there and even though she's not saying I love you and I don't see her much now she has told me she wants to give us another chance. The only difference is.. mine is LDR now and there is still some problems to be ironned out. Exit I want to wish you all the luck and happiness on this!!!!!! Ciao, Cupid
Nohbody Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 Exit, I think reading your posts in the past has helped me more than most things (whether on LS or in general), and I really am hoping for the best for you. Maybe selfishly (if it works for YOU, it may work for ME) - but nonetheless. Your attitude is probably as perfect for this scenario as it can be - and come what may you can hold your head high and know you've been as good a partner as anyone could ask for. Good luck to the both of you!
0hpenelope Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 Bro, you've got to go NC, she's pulling your leg, there's no other way to get over this, your ex is never, ever coming back - Oh, wait. Just teasing you, Exit. Congratulations and I hope yours will be a successful reconciliation. Good luck!
Arlia Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 I hope it goes well for you man. Will be following your story I guess as long as the romantic feelings are there, it's always possible to work things out even if there are issues on the way. In my case, however, my ex told me her romantic feelings for me are gone and she likes someone else, so my hopes of getting back or close to none. Good luck!!
Recommended Posts