TheHurtProcess Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 For most people, it does work, I believe. I know i may sound too simple in my reply, but this really is a perfect explanation: Well, I was thinking more along the lines of... It depends on many factors. I do believe the quote posted above was accurate. How the relationship ended does play a large part. If there was a huge fight and someone got violent or perhaps some really hurtful things were said and/or done to get back at the other person. Sometimes the dumper/dumpee want revenge or just all out want to hurt the other person. After my ex cheated on me... I'd have to say that my heart is not growing fonder in the least. My resentment and anger is the only thing growing at the moment. That will most likely pass and I will forgive her for her wrong-doings. However, I will never forget the cheating, the lying and especially the betrayal and abandonment at the end. You can forgive, but you can never forget something of that caliber. Regardless of how I feel, whether I still love her or not, whether I miss her or not, things could never, ever be the same again after what she pulled. This is "The End" of my little real-life fairytale. Not every fairytale has a happy ending.
coltsfan1 Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 Well, I was thinking more along the lines of... It depends on many factors. I do believe the quote posted above was accurate. How the relationship ended does play a large part. If there was a huge fight and someone got violent or perhaps some really hurtful things were said and/or done to get back at the other person. Sometimes the dumper/dumpee want revenge or just all out want to hurt the other person. After my ex cheated on me... I'd have to say that my heart is not growing fonder in the least. My resentment and anger is the only thing growing at the moment. That will most likely pass and I will forgive her for her wrong-doings. However, I will never forget the cheating, the lying and especially the betrayal and abandonment at the end. You can forgive, but you can never forget something of that caliber. Regardless of how I feel, whether I still love her or not, whether I miss her or not, things could never, ever be the same again after what she pulled. This is "The End" of my little real-life fairytale. Not every fairytale has a happy ending. I couldn't agree more! I was in a very similar situation. I miss what we had and the person I thought she could become. However she choose another path, I didn't handle it well at the end. But no one will question my resolve to walk. I cut her, anyone who knew about the cheating and WAS a mutual friend, and any one who wanted to hang with us both out. Now if they call I just don't pick up the phone. If you walk away, even if you don't handle it right they will see that you have some value in yourself, after all it is OUR responsibilities to set OUR boundaries. If others cannot or will not except that then you stop spending time with them. PERIOD!!!
Author pink24 Posted July 23, 2011 Author Posted July 23, 2011 Hey everyone... Thanks for all your comments. Really got me thinking! Well my ex and I were together for 5 & a half years. We got engaged 8 weeks before he finished it. I still have no real answers as to why as he 'doesn't think its what he wants'. 'He loves me but doesn't think he is in love with me'. I walked away and stopped all contact with him. It has been almost 5 weeks now, it has been hard but I am proud of myself for staying strong and keeping my dignity and self respect. Yeah, I have heard about him and what he has been up to (drinking, partying & hooking up with other girls etc) and yeah it hurt but I stayed strong and stuck to NC. I closed my Facebook account, deleted his email, IM and mobile number. This took alot but I was determined - I basically have disappeared off the face of the earth. I have avoided where he goes and avoided mutual friends. But, I do still miss him and what we had together but I valued what he thinks he wants. I never grovelled or pleaded for it to work. I listened to his confused story and said OK ... and I walked away! It ripped the heart from me as I did not see it coming but I walked away. Looking back now I ask myself, did I do the right thing? did I say enough? should I have asked more questions? should I have asked why? but I didn't... Therefore I tend to dwell on and think about 'what if' ... This is what lead me to this thread. I though, will my ex think about how I simply accepted and walked away? Will the thought of NC from me make them wonder? Will they ask themself have I done the right thing? Or infact will me not contacting suit him? Will he be happy I am not bugging him? Will this confirm his decision to walk away from our relationship? What do you guys think???
Ace82 Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 Pink24, Im going through the samething. For whatever reason thoughts of her keep poping up in my head. Its been roughly 2 months since the break and we saw eachother 2weeks ago at a mutual friends wedding. We were civil talked and enjoyed the evening. Though she told me shes met someone and are talking on the phone, i have thoughts about her still. We were together for 7years and i find myself this week thinking about her constantly. It hadnt been like this even after a few days of seeing her at the wedding. I started a new job and maybe thats why, cause i would have shared all this info with her. THeres like this void from her no being there as she was all the time.. And i hope in time that will change. My ex did the same as your ex, partying every week drinking when she didnt in our relationship and that has lead to meeting someone new. I didnt think she'd come to that so fast, but thats probably cause she really wanted a distraction from the situation. Its hard, but dont think about what they might be thinking it not good for anyone. Days i get up thinking/hoping she'd miss me even if just for alittle bit, but what does that achieve?
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