NO_SECRETS Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 Hi, I am new to this, but I need to vent. Just trying to keep my sanity. It has really kept me upset that my husband who cheated still will not admit to it. I know he did it. The OW had way too many details. I don't want details from him, just for him to seriously admit it. He says he could have slept with her, but didn't. They were meeting for about 8 months, before I found out. (her child called and told me, yea he's 13) they have put me through sheer hell, therefore I deserve the the truth. I have tried everything and he still won't admit to it. I don't get it!
PegNosePete Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 Try a divorce petition. Tell him if he can't admit the truth then you don't want to be with him any more. You can always cancel it if you do reconcile. But to continue a sham marriage in these circumstances is just asking for a whole world of pain.
Waffles Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 Try a divorce petition. Tell him if he can't admit the truth then you don't want to be with him any more. You can always cancel it if you do reconcile. But to continue a sham marriage in these circumstances is just asking for a whole world of pain. If NS has to threaten her husband like that to get him to open up, why the frack would even want to be with him? Even a good liar is going to talk if they get trapped in a corner. Her husband is just behaving like an obstructive a-hole. You want to get him to talk NS? Psychologically manipulate him. Bluff him. Guilt him. Paint yourself as an innocent, abused victim. Cry yourself to sleep. Take away his toys. Starve him emotionally. Play on all of his weaknesses. If you do this, you'll kill what's left of your marriage. If you have any kind of conscience, you'll probably hurt it badly. But you'll get the truth. Or counselling might work. I don't know.
analystfromhell Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 I'm in more or less the same boat only my current SO refuses to stop contacting the guy. Based on her actions, and what it sounds like your husband is doing, that he doesn't really want to be in the marriage and probably will do it again should the opportunity arise. Counseling is definitely something to see about; it might help you recover if not the marriage. I do hope he treats you with the respect you deserve and that you find someone- him or not- who understands how important honesty is.
whichwayisup Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 Hi, I am new to this, but I need to vent. Just trying to keep my sanity. It has really kept me upset that my husband who cheated still will not admit to it. I know he did it. The OW had way too many details. I don't want details from him, just for him to seriously admit it. He says he could have slept with her, but didn't. They were meeting for about 8 months, before I found out. (her child called and told me, yea he's 13) they have put me through sheer hell, therefore I deserve the the truth. I have tried everything and he still won't admit to it. I don't get it! Then kick him out of the house, tell him he can go spend time with his OW anytime he wants now, that you're DONE with him. Even if you don't mean it inside (divorce) let him think that you are. He will NOT admit anything or change his ways until he suffers some consquences! If/when he decides to come clean, shows genuine remorse, then you set the rules - End it completely with the OW, go no contact and he has to do marriage counselling, on his own and with you. Anything short of that, is crap.
bentnotbroken Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 Hi, I am new to this, but I need to vent. Just trying to keep my sanity. It has really kept me upset that my husband who cheated still will not admit to it. I know he did it. The OW had way too many details. I don't want details from him, just for him to seriously admit it. He says he could have slept with her, but didn't. They were meeting for about 8 months, before I found out. (her child called and told me, yea he's 13) they have put me through sheer hell, therefore I deserve the the truth. I have tried everything and he still won't admit to it. I don't get it! I would start to plan my life without him. You are waiting for something that may(and often does not)happen. Not saying her kid doesn't know and isn't pissed(my kids were), it might be that she put her kid up to making the call. I see all the time on here about BS using their children, my personal experience was the OW using her kids. Find you, take care of you, make a life plans for you, see a future for you without him in it.
shayla Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 I am so sorry you are going through this, and I hate saying this. But cheaters are liars first, and he will lie all the way to the end. You will probably never ever get the truth. He probably doesn't even remember what the truth is at this point. My ex is a liar, and is still lying even after getting caught, even after walking out on my, even after marrying the other woman. He is still lying about me after almost a year after our break up. He has absolutely no reason to lie anymore concerning me, but he is still doing it. This man is such a good liar, he believes his own lies and could not tell the truth about something to save his own life.
reboot Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 He will never admit it until you shove proof into his face. And even then he'll trickle-truth you for weeks/months/years.
LilyBart Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 Then kick him out of the house, tell him he can go spend time with his OW anytime he wants now, that you're DONE with him. Even if you don't mean it inside (divorce) let him think that you are. He will NOT admit anything or change his ways until he suffers some consquences! Careful with this one. He might just call your bluff. Maybe he wants you to be the "bad guy" and officially end the M. Only do it if you're seriously ready to get D with no regrets. Otherwise, find a different way to get the answers you want. I can't think of anything worse than to pull a stunt like that and he says "fine, lets get D" then for you to change your mind and say, "No I didn't really mean it - I really want us to work on the M". You will be screwed at this point.
PegNosePete Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 Careful with this one. He might just call your bluff. Maybe he wants you to be the "bad guy" and officially end the M. Well if that's what he wants, then I wouldn't hold much hope for the marriage working out whatever you say or do. Might as well divorce with dignity. You will be screwed at this point. What, screwed as in divorced? Whereas if you do it differently, he'll divorce you, and you'll be in the same place anyway.
LilyBart Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 What, screwed as in divorced? Whereas if you do it differently, he'll divorce you, and you'll be in the same place anyway. No, screwed as in he would know she wants the M more than he does.
reboot Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 No, screwed as in he would know she wants the M more than he does. And she would also know this. In which case divorce is no longer a bluff.
Spark1111 Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 Hi, I am new to this, but I need to vent. Just trying to keep my sanity. It has really kept me upset that my husband who cheated still will not admit to it. I know he did it. The OW had way too many details. I don't want details from him, just for him to seriously admit it. He says he could have slept with her, but didn't. They were meeting for about 8 months, before I found out. (her child called and told me, yea he's 13) they have put me through sheer hell, therefore I deserve the the truth. I have tried everything and he still won't admit to it. I don't get it! Time for conditions and ultimatums; ones you are prepared to enforce or else end the relationship. MC can be a good place to start. Tell him you love him, but do not trust him and without trust, there is NO reason to go forward together. A lack of trust will erode your love until only contempt is left, so what's the point in hanging on? Give him a deadline to tell you the full, unmitigated version. Set aside time for the conversation and please stay calm. If he still avoids it, start calling an attorney, get busy, and prepare for a future without him. Secrets KILL intimacy. As long as he insists on holding onto his, he is not partner material.
KathyM Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 Hi, I am new to this, but I need to vent. Just trying to keep my sanity. It has really kept me upset that my husband who cheated still will not admit to it. I know he did it. The OW had way too many details. I don't want details from him, just for him to seriously admit it. He says he could have slept with her, but didn't. They were meeting for about 8 months, before I found out. (her child called and told me, yea he's 13) they have put me through sheer hell, therefore I deserve the the truth. I have tried everything and he still won't admit to it. I don't get it! It's obvious he had an affair. I seriously doubt you'll ever get the truth out of him. If there is no confession and remorse, there is no healing. I wouldn't stay in that kind of relationship. You'll never be able to trust him again. If he confessed and was repentant, maybe there would be hope to move past it, but he is not. Don't allow him to sweep it under the rug and act like nothing happened. You may want to insist on a polygraph test. I doubt he'll agree to it, though, since he doesn't want the truth to come out, and he thinks as long as he keeps denying it, things will be fine. Of course, you will never have closure or trust as long as it is never dealt with. That's not a state you can continue a marriage in.
michelangelo Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 He will never admit it until you shove proof into his face. And even then he'll trickle-truth you for weeks/months/years. That lies will be what comes out of his mouth with a few nuggets of truth sprinkled within. Even if you have evidence, he'll try to convince you ***** don't stink. It's what cheaters do. They even will try to tell you they are protecting you. It's a terrible situation to be in.
nyrias Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 That lies will be what comes out of his mouth with a few nuggets of truth sprinkled within. Even if you have evidence, he'll try to convince you ***** don't stink. It's what cheaters do. They even will try to tell you they are protecting you. It's a terrible situation to be in. If there is no evidence, you will never know. One needs to accept the fact that one may never know the truth.
Waffles Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 You what NS? Frack him. Caught with his hand in the cookie jar and he doesn't have the balls to admit it. You can do better.
Kidd Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 Get a GPS for his car, or a voice recorder, or both. Confront him with indisputable proof and maybe you'll get to the truth. He's not going to volunteer it and you obviously need the truth one way or another.
Raspberry_Chicklet Posted July 23, 2011 Posted July 23, 2011 Hey love! I completely understand what you are going through right now. I went through the same thing about six months ago with my EX fiancé. The other woman had details that you couldn't let go unnoticed. The fact is, he will take it to the grave with him. He is a sociopath. A good man who is worth forgiving would eventually come clean. Get rid of the loser. Why torture yourself with all of this? I know it's HARD. I hid from the world for months. But YOU will come out of it. And you will be stronger. And you'll meet someone better. Not all men cheat, but the ones who do and don't admit it are parasites and not worth your time. Of course, I may be biased, clearly I'm still bitter!!!
Memphis Raines Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 Careful with this one. He might just call your bluff. Maybe he wants you to be the "bad guy" and officially end the M. Only do it if you're seriously ready to get D with no regrets. Otherwise, find a different way to get the answers you want. I can't think of anything worse than to pull a stunt like that and he says "fine, lets get D" then for you to change your mind and say, "No I didn't really mean it - I really want us to work on the M". You will be screwed at this point. she will be screwed at that point? She is married to a POS cheater. how much more screwed can she get?
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