4givrnt4gtr Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 Im really starting to get sad and frustrated about my bf and I situation. We just moved in together three weeks ago, and in those three weeks we've had at least 3 or 4 fights over literally nothing! Its really really frustrating and it makes me wonder if we made a mistake. The thing is, half the time I dont even know what I did wrong to upset him. For instance today he came home tired and upset. He told me he had been calling me but I guess i didnt hear the phone. He then checked his email and someone he cares about basically said he was too anxious. This is something that everyone notices (his anxiety) and has made him lose a couple of jobs already, however he refuses to accept it and instead complains about why people threat him without respect. He asked me if he presented anxious at first I didnt want to answer but since its something that has really affected him I figured I could help him realize what is it that is making him appeared anxious. Ofcourse that backfired He told me I was making him feel like there was something wrong with him, that I never took his side, that I always criticized him instead of encourage him. Its really sad because I feel like I try to be very supportive of him. I feel like if i say the wrong thing or actually voice my opinion which might differ from his, then Im his enemy. Most of our arguments begin like that. I say something I think is innocent and somehow he twists it to be an attack against him. At the beginning it baffled me, now it just saddens me and I don't know what to do. He actually says he feels like he can't say anything to me because I will attack him...is like he is accusing me of what he does to me. Its really weird. It dont just happen with me either. A few days ago his mom was asking him to do something and out of nowhere he tells her to stop yelling at him (she wasn't yelling) we both looked at each other like what the heck are u talking about! Ive known for a while that he needs help dealing with anxiety and negative self image because it really affects his daily life. But every time i even mention it, its just another argument because he says im calling him crazy and that I dont think he can handle it on his own. I love him a lot and aside from this he is a wonderful caring man. he has a heart of gold and helps anyone that comes his way. However, all this fighting and constant negativity makes me wonder if we can actually make it. I dont know what to do....any suggestions?? All I want is for our relationship to work....but im really having serious doubt...If we can't talk without it being twisted into these horrible things he imagines Im saying to him, how is it ever going to work???
KathyM Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 Im really starting to get sad and frustrated about my bf and I situation. We just moved in together three weeks ago, and in those three weeks we've had at least 3 or 4 fights over literally nothing! Its really really frustrating and it makes me wonder if we made a mistake. The thing is, half the time I dont even know what I did wrong to upset him. For instance today he came home tired and upset. He told me he had been calling me but I guess i didnt hear the phone. He then checked his email and someone he cares about basically said he was too anxious. This is something that everyone notices (his anxiety) and has made him lose a couple of jobs already, however he refuses to accept it and instead complains about why people threat him without respect. He asked me if he presented anxious at first I didnt want to answer but since its something that has really affected him I figured I could help him realize what is it that is making him appeared anxious. Ofcourse that backfired He told me I was making him feel like there was something wrong with him, that I never took his side, that I always criticized him instead of encourage him. Its really sad because I feel like I try to be very supportive of him. I feel like if i say the wrong thing or actually voice my opinion which might differ from his, then Im his enemy. Most of our arguments begin like that. I say something I think is innocent and somehow he twists it to be an attack against him. At the beginning it baffled me, now it just saddens me and I don't know what to do. He actually says he feels like he can't say anything to me because I will attack him...is like he is accusing me of what he does to me. Its really weird. It dont just happen with me either. A few days ago his mom was asking him to do something and out of nowhere he tells her to stop yelling at him (she wasn't yelling) we both looked at each other like what the heck are u talking about! Ive known for a while that he needs help dealing with anxiety and negative self image because it really affects his daily life. But every time i even mention it, its just another argument because he says im calling him crazy and that I dont think he can handle it on his own. I love him a lot and aside from this he is a wonderful caring man. he has a heart of gold and helps anyone that comes his way. However, all this fighting and constant negativity makes me wonder if we can actually make it. I dont know what to do....any suggestions?? All I want is for our relationship to work....but im really having serious doubt...If we can't talk without it being twisted into these horrible things he imagines Im saying to him, how is it ever going to work??? What he has is a classic case of borderline personality disorder. Look it up on the internet. It will be very much like what you described. It's extremely difficult to live with someone like that. I suggest you break it off. It will only get worse as time goes on. I know someone with that disorder. It's extremely hard to get along with them, because they are often upset, often angry, and like to blame everyone else for the irrational anxiety that they feel. It is very hard for psychologists to treat someone with that disorder. It's very ingrained. Do yourself a favor and find someone who is emotionally healthy. Otherwise, you will be walking on eggshells around this person and it will eventually ruin any feelings you have for him.
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted July 21, 2011 Author Posted July 21, 2011 What he has is a classic case of borderline personality disorder. Look it up on the internet. Actually, Ive had suspicions that this might be the case. Even when we first started dating I felt he might have if not the full blown disorder, at least some traits. In fact, he says his mom is borderline, and that sometimes if he spends too much time with her he stars talking and thinking like her. I broke up with him last year because of this suspicion, but later thought I might have been wrong as he never tried to stop me leaving or even tried to contact me once I was gone. Only after a few weeks he called me to check up on me. We started talking more and hanging out more. He never pressured me to get back together with him and, as usual, helped me through tough times. I then decided to give it another chance. Its really hard to let go of this relationship, especially when he helps me and cares for me so much. For example just this morning at like 4am I woke up with terrible pain in my stomach. He woke up and I told him I was going to take myself to the urgent care. He got up immediately and took me. He stayed with me the whole time, filled out all my form and comforted me the whole time. Once we got home he made me breakfast and just took care of me til he had to go to work. I guess I'm not used to been cared for and I see this and other attitudes as something I want in a man and have never been able to find until now. It just breaks my heart to think that despite all these wonderful qualities, we might not work out.
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