zengirl Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 Oh! I didn't see you had pics up here, Hokie. You're plenty cute, and your pictures don't look gay or effeminate at all to me. I don't know where you are (I always thought you were in D.C. but I've no idea where I came up with that) and it could be a regional thing but in a decent-sized city, I really don't see your looks holding you back that much, ethnicity or otherwise. You definitely don't look like a nerdy Asian stereotype or anything. (Which is not an affront to nerdy, Asian guys. I like them! But I could see how that'd be a niche market.) Height, maybe with some girls (I don't care about height as long as a guy is at least as tall as/taller than I am---and I'm just shy of 5'6''--- but I certainly know some who do) who like them tall, but plenty of guys like blondes or taller girls or whatever and would never date me. Can't please everyone.
Author USMCHokie Posted July 21, 2011 Author Posted July 21, 2011 it might seem that Asian girls are over the top for white dudes, I would bet money that there are plenty of good looking Asian girls (and other girls, of course) who are looking for a good looking Asian guy to bring home. There might even be Asian-oriented clubs in your area that could give you a chance to appreciate and embrace your race/identity with other people of Asian decent. I almost feel like an outcast in asian groups...like I either don't belong or am not welcome by them... You gotta please yourself. You can't change your race, but you CAN stay positive, be happy with yourself, and realize that NOBODY is universally attractive. I have spent a good part of my life trying to "change" my race by improving the characteristics that are stereotypically "deficient" in Asians...and in the end, I'm still Asian...and that's what women see...I am proud and pleased with everything I am and have worked hard to become, but I'm still Asian... There may not be a universal attractive but you can certainly come close to universal unattractive...
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 So you're basically sayin': be less gay. No. She is telling you how emotionally damaged and crazy she is. You wouldn't even want ES for a ONS.
Emilia Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 I have just looked at your photos, I thought after the things you said here you looked conservatively Indian like freshly from the Subcontinent or something but you just have a slightly darker skin that's all. I'm not really sure what the issue is, it certainly isn't race. If you were born in the States it can't be cultural either. I think you are blaming your social unease on aspects that are out of your control.
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 I almost feel like an outcast in asian groups...like I either don't belong or am not welcome by them... Why? I would consider this the #1 problem. I have spent a good part of my life trying to "change" my race by improving the characteristics that are stereotypically "deficient" in Asians...and in the end, I'm still Asian...and that's what women see...I am proud and pleased with everything I am and have worked hard to become, but I'm still Asian... There may not be a universal attractive but you can certainly come close to universal unattractive... What about being Asian are you not proud of? I can kind of understand black people having a complex because Africa is such a hellhole... but Asia is awesome.
Els Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 I'm not sure my opinion matters, since I'm Asian myself, but I've always preferred fellow Asian men as well. Not because they're 'better', but because of a sense of kinship and similar cultures. That's what it boils down to in the end, I'd think.
crazylove Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 Just looked at your pic's too . .. . what u talkin' about man!! You're cute! Certainly not your race that's the problem. I like asian guys, I'm English and white. Your height wouldn't be a problem either, jeez, over here 5'9 is just fine! I think maybe you're just obsessing about this, when there's no need for the unecessary stress. Just go with the flow, and be yourself:)
OliveOyl Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 I don't think race is the issue. (And, you look good.) And even if it were an "issue" there's nothing you can do about it. That's meant to be a positive, not negative comment. Because since there's nothing you can do about it, no need to waste one more drop of energy about it. I don't see how knowing the exact percentage of people who are receptive to dating Asian men would help you specifically. For what it's worth, my best friend, who is white, and attractive, married a Japanese man. They have a kid that's adorable.
Afishwithabike Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 Hokie - I took a look at your pictures. You're cute. Your height is fine. Don't let anyone else tell you otherwise. I don't get a non-hetero vibe from your pics. I haven't seen the pics you posted of your body so you need to PM those to me asap. I'm an Asian American also. I tend to gravitate to other Asians, but I've dated guys who were Asian, Black, White, polynesian, etc. I think the problem you're having doesn't have to do so much with race as much as your inferiority complex and your location. Where I live, you see Asian Americans dating all other ethnicities and no one bats an eye. You need to get a transfer to somewhere like Camp Pendleton in San Diego or Port Hueneme in Ventura County.
Feelsgoodman Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 ...when it comes to dating, and I think I've been giving people way too much credit all along...all my life, my insecurities revolved around my Asian-ness. I had recently "gotten over" it and tried my hardest to pretend that women didn't care about race...the folks on LS did their best to reinforce that idea, but I know that LS is hardly representative of the real world. And I'm really starting to think that being of a "lesser" race is treated the same way unattractiveness is. Do women feel that they're social status diminishes if found dating an unattractive person? Or maybe they feel worse about themselves if they are "dating down," hence they simply try to avoid it? Or that others may think less of them? Yes, this is another mindless race thread from someone who is slowly growing more cynical....most people will say that race doesn't matter to them, but these are the same people who wouldn't even consider dating a lesser race and only say it to make themselves look better. Again, I'm sure many folks on LS are genuine in this regard, but I feel confident saying that the real world is quite different... I don't understand people like you. Why are you so desperate to be in an interracial relationship? Just date an asian woman - problem solved!
zengirl Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 I don't understand people like you. Why are you so desperate to be in an interracial relationship? Just date an asian woman - problem solved! Asians have like the lowest % of the population so odds are most of the single, suitable gals he meets aren't Asian. I never saw him say he wouldn't date Asian women. . .
Author USMCHokie Posted July 21, 2011 Author Posted July 21, 2011 I don't understand people like you. Why are you so desperate to be in an interracial relationship? Just date an asian woman - problem solved! I'm not necessarily desperate for any kind of relationship, whether it be with an Asian or any other race. For the most part in my area, Asian women exude an air of entitlement to date white men. I could to on and on about what I think about that, but I'd rather just let Asian women chase their prize and not be bothered by it. It's not that I'm not attracted to them or am not willing to date them, but rather they have their preferences of which I'm not a part of. I remember meeting this one Asian girl (in a non-romantic context) who told me she only dates white guys but thought I was cute..."for an Asian..." I just laughed a little, shook my head, and walked away...
zengirl Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 I'm not necessarily desperate for any kind of relationship, whether it be with an Asian or any other race. For the most part in my area, Asian women exude an air of entitlement to date white men. I could to on and on about what I think about that, but I'd rather just let Asian women chase their prize and not be bothered by it. It's not that I'm not attracted to them or am not willing to date them, but rather they have their preferences of which I'm not a part of. I remember meeting this one Asian girl (in a non-romantic context) who told me she only dates white guys but thought I was cute..."for an Asian..." I just laughed a little, shook my head, and walked away... Well that girl sounds stupid, but your attitude here sounds kind of gross as well. "air of entitlement" (this is putting yourself down to, by saying somehow white people are better, which sounds stupid to me) and "chase their prize." I seriously doubt EVERY Asian girl (or white girl or Latina girl or black girl) you meet has the attitude of that one stupid girl. Just stay away from annoying people period.
torn_curtain Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 I think it depends on the combination of race and gender. For Asian women their race isn't a disadvantage. In some cases it even seems to work to their advantage. I'll be honest -- as a white woman race makes some difference in terms of what I'm attracted to. It's not that I have anything against dating an Asian guy or worry about what others would think -- everyone I know is very tolerant and liberal, but I"m just rarely attracted to Asian guys. This isn't true for all white women. I have a bunch of female friends who really like Asian guys. I'm definitely the most attracted to white guys, probably because I imprinted on them at an early age.
Author USMCHokie Posted July 21, 2011 Author Posted July 21, 2011 Hokie - I took a look at your pictures. You're cute. Your height is fine. Don't let anyone else tell you otherwise. I don't get a non-hetero vibe from your pics. I haven't seen the pics you posted of your body so you need to PM those to me asap. The pictures that Star is referring to are a few I have posted on FB of me being drunk or silly. I'm quite comfortable with my sexuality, so if I look gay in a picture, so what? It's not how I usually act and it's usually just me making fun of something. I take care of myself and have no problem wearing bright pink in public. Gay? And i dont know what other pics youre talking about... I think the problem you're having doesn't have to do so much with race as much as your inferiority complex and your location. Where I live, you see Asian Americans dating all other ethnicities and no one bats an eye. You need to get a transfer to somewhere like Camp Pendleton in San Diego or Port Hueneme in Ventura County. Yea, I only know the DC Metro area...
Afishwithabike Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 The pictures that Star is referring to are a few I have posted on FB of me being drunk or silly. I'm quite comfortable with my sexuality, so if I look gay in a picture, so what? It's not how I usually act and it's usually just me making fun of something. I take care of myself and have no problem wearing bright pink in public. Gay? And i dont know what other pics youre talking about... Yea, I only know the DC Metro area... I thought you might have posted pics showing off all your weight training efforts. Shucks! I visit DC metro for work and it has a very different vibe from the west coast where I live.
Author USMCHokie Posted July 21, 2011 Author Posted July 21, 2011 Well that girl sounds stupid, but your attitude here sounds kind of gross as well. "air of entitlement" (this is putting yourself down to, by saying somehow white people are better, which sounds stupid to me) and "chase their prize." I seriously doubt EVERY Asian girl (or white girl or Latina girl or black girl) you meet has the attitude of that one stupid girl. Just stay away from annoying people period. Well to them, white people ARE better...and im sure you're right, not everyone is like that...but when you perceive everyone around you believing something, you can't help but start to believe it yourself.
Author USMCHokie Posted July 21, 2011 Author Posted July 21, 2011 I thought you might have posted pics showing off all your weight training efforts. Shucks! Hahah, that ship has sailed...
torn_curtain Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 Well to them, white people ARE better...and im sure you're right, not everyone is like that...but when you perceive everyone around you believing something, you can't help but start to believe it yourself. I think you're missing the point. For most educated women I doubt they think white people are better and that's the reason they want a white boyfriend. I think if they're less attracted to Asians on average it's more of a primal thing that has to do with them being raised in a culture where they are surrounded by white guys and white ideals of handsomeness.
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 I'm not necessarily desperate for any kind of relationship, whether it be with an Asian or any other race. For the most part in my area, Asian women exude an air of entitlement to date white men. I could to on and on about what I think about that, but I'd rather just let Asian women chase their prize and not be bothered by it. It's not that I'm not attracted to them or am not willing to date them, but rather they have their preferences of which I'm not a part of. I remember meeting this one Asian girl (in a non-romantic context) who told me she only dates white guys but thought I was cute..."for an Asian..." I just laughed a little, shook my head, and walked away... Every race has women like that. For every 1 asian woman that only dates white guys, there are like 5 white girls that only date black guys. It doesn't bother me or bring me down. Why should you take it personal?
Author USMCHokie Posted July 21, 2011 Author Posted July 21, 2011 I think you're missing the point. For most educated women I doubt they think white people are better and that's the reason they want a white boyfriend. I think if they're less attracted to Asians on average it's more of a primal thing that has to do with them being raised in a culture where they are surrounded by white guys and white ideals of handsomeness. I totally agree with you here. Where and how we're raised and grow up has a very strong influence on who and what we find attractive. But I also objectively feel that in general, Asian men kinda got screwed in the looks department...
torn_curtain Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 (edited) I just looked at your photos and I agree with some of the others that what you project is more of a problem than your race or attractiveness. You're nice looking (really) but you don't project strength or masculinity in these photos. You look insecure and like you're overcompensating a bit. I'ts hard for me to say what it is exactly, something about your posture, smile and grooming maybe. You look a little too eager and ready to please. Try standing more with your head tilted down instead of up, tone down your smile, relax your shoulders, so you're letting the camera come to you rather than trying to win over the camera. Does that make sense? Edited July 21, 2011 by torn_curtain
fishtaco Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 On a macro scale, yes, being Asian male is a detriment to attracting women. It's equivalent to being a few inches below average in height. I'm an Asian man too. I know what's up. However... - On an individual basis, it doesn't matter. For every woman that I meet that doesn't date Asian men, I'll meet two that don't care that I'm Asian. - If you're looking for an LTR, you just need one anyway. The macro view is only useful when it comes to academic discussions. - If you're looking to play, number is the key. So disadvantaged statistics just means you need to approach a few more women. But, you should approach as many women as your schedule allows anyway. Because being Asian is only one of many reasons that a particular woman may not be interested in you. Take away your Asian-ness, you're still in the same damn boat. No spark means no spark. What dog and pony show do you have to perform to get her attraction? The game is the same. I date pretty much exclusively non-Asian. Not counting Filipino women, I've only dated one single half Chinese woman my entire life up to this point. I'm 40 years old. My preference is Latinas, and according to OKCupid data mining study, Latinas are interested in Asian men the least. I pull it off just fine in real life, but I don't do online dating since I won't even get pass their filters. So yes, you have to have game, you have to pick your battles, you have to choose fields of engagement where it is to your advantage. But you should do all that even if you were not Asian anyway. Being an Asian male does make a difference in a negative way. But in practice, the impact is so little that you're better off worrying about other aspects of the game. The only real caveat of being Asian male is don't do online dating. But that goes for more than just being Asian. It's too easy to filter out people based on attributes that don't matter. Unless your superficial qualities such as weight, height, ethnicity, photogenic-ness, and ability to lie on your profile happens to fit into a narrow band of the most popular archetypes according to women of your area, you should stay away from online dating, Asian or not.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 Random: An Asian guy was chatting me up earlier, and I thought he was VERY cute and seemed cool. Then I had to go, and he didn't ask for my number. Boo. I totally would have gone out with him if he had asked.
zengirl Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 Random: An Asian guy was chatting me up earlier, and I thought he was VERY cute and seemed cool. Then I had to go, and he didn't ask for my number. Boo. I totally would have gone out with him if he had asked. You should've asked him! (Well, what I do is say, "You should call me sometime!")
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