Ruby Slippers Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 We have no ethnic majority, so it's as though we really no longer see color or race... I think that's a little unrealistic. Some people simply will not date outside their race, and that's a fact. But we're certainly becoming more of a melting pot. I love that Chicago has such a great mix of people. That said, go to Lincoln Park or other yuppie neighborhoods, and you will see a very high concentration of white people.
Star Gazer Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 I think that's a little unrealistic. Some people simply will not date outside their race, and that's a fact. I meant from a standpoint of seeing another race as "less than." I realize that there are many people who don't date outside their race, but I don't think that the gross majority of those who don't do so because they view other races as "less than," but rather just too different from their own.
verhrzn Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 Maybe women assume that you as an Asian guy would never go for them because they're white. I really like Asian guys. (Asian and white nerdy types... yes please!) Heck, I even lived for a year in Japan. Yet I've noticed that actually getting Asian guys to talk to me is really, really difficult. (Broad generalization based only on personal experience.) The guy either seems aloof, or super shy. To continue with the super broad generalizations, it's also been my experience that men from certain cultural backgrounds are more likely to want women from their same cultural background... Indian men want traditional Indian women, Japanese guys overwhelming prefer Japanese women, etc. I live in a very large Hmong area, and even just becoming FRIENDS with Hmong guys seems impossible. My male friend is 3rd generation Chinese, quite enough to be considered "American" and yet his parents still freak out at the idea of him marrying anyone non-Asian. This isn't to discourage you, but to suggest why white women might be writing you off. It might have nothing to do with your physical attractiveness. What you might need to do is be EXTRA assertive and charming, to overcome the possible hesitation women may have over crossing cultural barriers. (Or what they assume are cultural barriers.)
Ruby Slippers Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 I think Asian guys in general are cute. I have been more outgoing with men lately, and, in general, Asian men do seem more subtle with any kind of flirting or approach. In my experience, Latino men are the most obvious and direct with their flirting, and I like that a lot.
Star Gazer Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 Hokie, you know that picture of you on last year's cruise where you're on a beach and jumping in the air with your legs bent? You really, really look like you don't like girls in that picture, if you know what I mean. And about 20 others from various different times and places, based on your posture and the way you hold a drink, etc. You also once started a thread about how many women have asked you if you were gay. Again, it's not the race. It's something else you're projecting.
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 \ Yes, but my perception of how people react when they first see or meet me is: oh hey, it's an Asian. Nothing else matters. I feel like a lot of women only see that...and it's all they need to see. I honestly don't think it's racism at all...it's not like women hate me because of the Asian-ness, it's just that they feel they can do better. At least that's my perception of their attitude. I do think there is a cultural mismatch between what asian guys grow up with, and what American women want. I dated an african american woman for about 1.5 years and there was definitely a culture clash. Her expectations of me were a bit different than the expectations I had of myself. I don't really know what to tell you. I won't tell you that I don't see women being racist all the damn time. My sister dates black drug dealers, mexican gigolos, and white bums... but won't even give her number to a handsome asian guy with a great job. It might block you from going after SOME women... just like my blond hair does, but there will always be enough that think you are great. You need to just come to terms with the idea that you can't win them all... and that You don't HAVE TO WIN THEM ALL in order to like yourself. You want to be some stupid pickup artist/player... have a different girl every night. Why? Ever see one of those guys try to make a relationship go the distance? Yeah... they suck at it. Most are terrible fathers as well. They can't do what you can do! Which is what really matters.
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 Is it really that different in DC, NYC, etc., than California? I imagined it would be equally as much of a melting pot. In fact, whites are no longer the majority in California. We have no ethnic majority, so it's as though we really no longer see color or race... Yes it is VERY different in D.C. Who your #1 minority is matters a lot in the dating scene. For D.C. it's black people, for Cali it's Hispanics, for my area it's Asians. All three are radically different because of it.
Star Gazer Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 Yes it is VERY different in D.C. Who your #1 minority is matters a lot in the dating scene. For D.C. it's black people, for Cali it's Hispanics, for my area it's Asians. All three are radically different because of it. So is that what he means by "less than"? In DC, if you're not black (the "#1 minority," whatever that means), you're somehow "less than"? Hispanics are the most populous minority in California, but I would not say they are "better" than Asians or anyone else here.
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 So is that what he means by "less than"? In DC, if you're not black (the "#1 minority," whatever that means), you're somehow "less than"? Hispanics are the most populous minority in California, but I would not say they are "better" than Asians or anyone else here. I have a lot of male friends that are asian... so I kind of understand what he is talking about. Ever notice how American media portrays asian guys? It's very asexual. You rarely see asian guys in romantic roles. Even when the part should call for some romance they seem to take it out. If you watch this too much it seeps in and gives you a bit of a complex from what I've seen. Additionally I believe that D.C. is the most race conscious dating scene in the whole country. Even when the couple is mixed... it's usually because of race not despite it.
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 Sorry Hokie but to be honest, I often get a gay vibe from your pics. It has nothing to do with you being Asian.
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 Sorry Hokie but to be honest, I often get a gay vibe from your pics. It has nothing to do with you being Asian. Understanding and/or caring about another human being is just way over your head.
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 Oh, and before I go to sleep. Hokie the one thing I want you to admit is that you hold yourself back more than anything else. Which just further strengthens your insecurities. Work on building a healthier view of yourself, then a healthier view of women.
Dust Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 I remember the first girl I ever really cared for got taken away from me by some Asian guy. Obviously a girl can’t get taken away but you get my point she broke up with me and was dating an Asian guy. I’ve dated Asian girls to. You are not a lesser race. You create your reality. Believing or thinking things like you seem to be is bad for you. Be positive.
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 Understanding and/or caring about another human being is just way over your head. I am just being honest. I thought it may be helpful for him to think about how he can project more masculinity. He is barking up the wrong tree with the race thing.
chloe56 Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 What in the world is going on in the states? Not that there aren't idiots this side of the pond, but all this race threads??? No 5'9" is not short for starters. Posing gay in pictures??? lol. Hokie maybe, and this is just my humble opinion, try to widen or rather be more open to different people and give them a chance instead of dismissing someone straight away. If that doesn't work, hop over this side of the pond!
Author USMCHokie Posted July 21, 2011 Author Posted July 21, 2011 You're over personalizing thing in a big way. People have preferences. You, me.. everyone. The issue isn't that they have preferences. It's that you've been knocked back and are assuming it has something to do with your worth as a partner. It doesn't. If the women you're meeting don't happen to prefer Asians, then keep on looking. I know it's easier said than done, but giving yourself a complex over this isn't going to help your confidence. If the girl you're chasing isn't biting, it's not some great tragedy. There's always another around the corner. Good luck! I don't interpret any woman's preference as a measure of my worth as a partner. Ever. I'm confident that I'd be great guy for any girl. It's more of a f*ck you, I don't care that you're not interested...and I've grown to approach every woman this way...and I realize I don't even give them a chance to show otherwise... And it's not that I'm looking for a woman with a preference for Asians...a mere acceptance of them would be great...
Author USMCHokie Posted July 21, 2011 Author Posted July 21, 2011 Hmm...have you pursued Asian women? Not really. They have such a hard on for white dudes that I just let them have their "preference"...
Author USMCHokie Posted July 21, 2011 Author Posted July 21, 2011 So is that what he means by "less than"? In DC, if you're not black (the "#1 minority," whatever that means), you're somehow "less than"? Hispanics are the most populous minority in California, but I would not say they are "better" than Asians or anyone else here. More or less...it's a combination of my inferiority complex, cultural stereotypes, media portrayals, and personal experience. And it's also relative based on location and the demographic there.
Author USMCHokie Posted July 21, 2011 Author Posted July 21, 2011 Oh, and before I go to sleep. Hokie the one thing I want you to admit is that you hold yourself back more than anything else. Which just further strengthens your insecurities. Work on building a healthier view of yourself, then a healthier view of women. I can admit that...but as positively as I can view myself, I don't know if this is something that I will ever truly get over...I thought I could,, but I'm not so sure anymore...and my apathy is starting to anger me a little...
zengirl Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 Statistics bear out that Asian men and Black women do the worst in internet dating. I'm not sure that translates to the real world or not. But I understand the kneejerk reaction you're having USMChokie. I'm half-Japanese and have lived in both Japan and Korea and as such, guys who look like even relatively cute Japanese or Korean guys are extremely cute to me because I'm so used to everyone around me being Asian. I think that's where the #s game comes in, with y'all listing races by how many live in a particular city. Still, plenty of sexy Asians can be attractive to the masses. I cannot really say "I'm Asian and people find me attractive" as I understand being an Asian man is very different from being a half-Asian woman. (If it makes you feel any better, where I'm actually from being biracial sucked and I was totally a weird outlier. But it was a small town. It's not been a problem as an adult anywhere in educated America or abroad.) But I've dated Asian guys both here and abroad. One of my really cute friends (Latina) is marrying a Vietnamese-American guy next month. My Dad is Japanese, and he scored a really cute white woman (my Mom) and managed to cheat on her at least three times, and get re-married twice, so he must have had some game. Do women feel that they're social status diminishes if found dating an unattractive person? Or maybe they feel worse about themselves if they are "dating down," hence they simply try to avoid it? Or that others may think less of them? I really don't see a lot of this with women. I know some women would feel bad about dating a man who was unsuccessful or unmotivated, maybe even a few who would have issues with a guy who wasn't quite rich enough, and certainly they all want to find their man attractive and sexy themselves. But we really don't care if our friends think our guy is sexy. Not most women I know anyhow. And I actually think, depending on the kind of Asian you are (this matters a lot, as I'd say certain groups of Asians are more stigmatized, such as Indian men) or look, it's less likely a conscious recognizing of Asianness and more likely just that most people aren't trained to be attracted to Asian features in men. Unless they live somewhere with Asian male sex symbols. Which doesn't mean they'd never find you cute, but they aren't going to be AS LIKELY to simply look at you and think, "hot stuff!" Which matters less for men than women because plenty of women think a guy is hot stuff for his personality as long as he's cute enough; guys go up a lot more based on what they do/how they act/what else they bring to the table than women do, IMO. I am just being honest. I thought it may be helpful for him to think about how he can project more masculinity. He is barking up the wrong tree with the race thing. What makes you think he doesn't project enough masculinity?
sally4sara Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 it's not like women hate me because of the Asian-ness, it's just that they feel they can do better. At least that's my perception of their attitude. I find it sad someone who looks like you could think they are generally unattractive. And I think you're in the wrong city to gauge yourself on the response you get out of others. This city is full of people with a seriously over blown sense of worth. I have heard people say with a straight face and haughty tone "do you know who my father is?" I have a few American guy friends doing the single thing who are running into the same problems. Its not your ethnicity and its not your height. Its the entitlement of most folks around here.
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 I can admit that...but as positively as I can view myself, I don't know if this is something that I will ever truly get over...I thought I could,, but I'm not so sure anymore...and my apathy is starting to anger me a little... I would bet money that in so many situations if you just put yourself out there and didn't give up, then you would get the girl. If you are chatting a woman up at the bar and some other guy shows up and takes her attention... hang in there. Go talk to another woman and maybe come back to her in half an hour. Most of these scenes are fluid places. Apathy is a shield to protect you from feeling rejection. Don't let it completely overtake you.
tman666 Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 For what it's worth, the Asian guys I knew in college eventually found very attractive Asian girlfriends/wives. While it might seem that Asian girls are over the top for white dudes, I would bet money that there are plenty of good looking Asian girls (and other girls, of course) who are looking for a good looking Asian guy to bring home. There might even be Asian-oriented clubs in your area that could give you a chance to appreciate and embrace your race/identity with other people of Asian decent. You know what though? You're probably right about your race excluding you from some women. However, just like Untouchable Fire said, you don't have to win them all. I'm a fairly big, muscular dude. That excludes me from being attractive to certain women. I also have sort of a big nose. Boom, exclusion. I'm an avid outdoorsman ------> some "city" girls might view me as a "hick". I could go on and on about every trait I have, and for each one there would be a group of girls out there who would find it unattractive. You gotta please yourself. You can't change your race, but you CAN stay positive, be happy with yourself, and realize that NOBODY is universally attractive.
Author USMCHokie Posted July 21, 2011 Author Posted July 21, 2011 Sorry Hokie but to be honest, I often get a gay vibe from your pics. It has nothing to do with you being Asian. So you're basically sayin': be less gay.
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