just_some_guy Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 Everything about the divorce is complete. All the papers are done, the orders are done, the decree is final and the last of the financial business is complete. We now live in completely opposite ends of the country. I'm alone and learning how to be on my own. I'm not looking forward to dating, but I desire a relationship, sex and companionship. It is sad in a lot of ways, but I feel unburdened. It isn't so bad being alone. I can cope with that.
eternal optimist Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 I'm only a couple of months behind you. How are you really coping? I have a mixture of excitement and sadness. I guess we can only move forward, huh? Keep focusing on the positive, you have a new life ahead of you!
Author just_some_guy Posted July 21, 2011 Author Posted July 21, 2011 Well, I separated over a year ago. The way I cope is to work on me. Work on my physical health and my mental health. Found a good therapist and have been working on my baggage. It isn't easy. At some point, the marriage broke down because one of us was ready to heal and grow and the other wasn't. Getting over my wounded childhood, my wounded first marriage and second. I can see the wounded part of me in those relationships. Wounded people find and seek safety with each other. Wounds though, need to be cleaned out, probed, dead flesh removed and stitches put in to heal. Soothing and putting a blanket over them feels good, but it doesn't heel the wound. That's the deal, with marriage. None of us will be the same in 10 years as we are today. If one in the marriage is growing and healing and the other is frightened and screaming, "stay sick with me!" then it all falls apart. I think in most cases, affairs and other problems are not the underlying cause of marriage failures. They are symptoms of deeper problems. So, my advice is, work on you. Get to the root of it all. What's driving things from within, what hurts, what should hurt but doesn't.
marqueemoon4 Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 thank the good Lord above you don't have kids and best of luck to you!
denise_xo Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 Glad to hear you're feeling better. Being alone is under rated, in my opinion. I've always been quite happy during single spells. Just make the most of it.
guiltofone Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 (edited) Sorry... going to ask if this was something you choose, or something choosen for you. I guess this is for anyone who wants to answer. Edited July 21, 2011 by guiltofone
Author just_some_guy Posted July 22, 2011 Author Posted July 22, 2011 I would be the (much hated around here) leaver. She was the leavee.
guiltofone Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 I am in your boat too, just some guy. I had posted something first, then thought, oh... maybe it wasn't their choice to get a divorce, so I changed what I said. Can I ask you why you choose to get a divorce? Say no if you just dont want to talk about it, it's cool. I hate to feel selfish and I don't want to do this for the wrong reasons. But I think I have found the right reason, while doing the wrong things. Just looking for some perspective from others in more of my situation.
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