Does he love me as much as I love him? Does he even love me at all?

[LeeannLynnGrant]

Hi, my names Leeann I am 16 years old my boyfriend is 18 turning 19 in september. We’ve been together for 10 months now and have been through everything you can possibly imagine in such little time. Me& my boyfriend started talking october 31st 2010, since that night everything has changed for the both of us dramatically. We sat together for hours that night just talking, we talked about everything, and agreed on every little thing possible. We got so close that night, we both knew that we were going too be together, at this time he had just got out of a relationship with his ex girlfriend, she was one of my friends. (not close) She use to talk bad about me all of the time.. She was a big bitch, and not very attractive, in my opinion anyways. She wasn’t the nicest to my boyfriend, she wasn’t just a bitch to me she was to him too, he used to have statuses on facebook about her & the **** she put him through.. At this point, I never thought twice after him talking to me that night he’d every gain feelings for her again. We were together for about 1 month at this time, he didn’t talk to his ex girlfriend at all at this time. She hated his guts! but still inside really felt for him. (you could tell) Before my boyfriend of 10 months, I was completely pure. I hadn’t done anything with a guy, except kiss anyway. the first month we were together, we felt strong strong feelings sexually, i ended up giving myself too him, because id thought too myself..he’s never going too hurt me. NO not this guy. (which wasn’t a good idea, if i could go back believe me id change that) after that occured, I was very attatched but deep inside of me, I could feel he wasn’t. Seeing as he was sexually active before me. so it wasn’t like his first time. As the time went by, we seen eachother so much it was crazy! everyday. I don’t really remember what happened, but we got into our first real fight & he left. When he left, it was for good he said. but I know that it was just an excuse, I knew that he left me for her(his ex)..for clubs..for other girls..even though he repeadily told me it wasn’t because of his ex it was because, I was crazy, I needed time to grow up, he needed time on his own. But I knew that was a lie, because he was messing around with his ex again, he was going too clubs and talking too other girls. He use too text me all of the time, too me he’d just text me too play little games. He knew I wasnt over him, as i cried for him back many times, I asked him to not text me so i could slowly recover...but he did not listen. he still contacted me. After everything he came back& realized his ex girl was not worth it &the clubs weren’t worth it either. but when he came back it wasn’t too be with me again, it was too have sex& I knew it. Because we never in a relationship, and he didnt want one with me at that time. But after awhile when we spent more & more time together, he started to get too know the real me & figured..wow, this girl isn’t crazy. He got to know the real me. Even though for me I knew the real him from the very start. But for him it was different, he started getting really jealous of guys, really worried& started caring for me a lot. We now were in a relationship, a real one. I could tell he really cared about me, and wanted me & him too work. He brought me too meet the rest of his family for like his cousins babyshower, and etc. At that point I was so happy, my time with him was amazing. he would tell me how I was the girl he wanted to be with forever, how it would kill him if i was ever to cheat on him or leave him, hed want kids with me in the future, to get married, grow old together, etc. I was so happy! because This whole time that’s what I felt&now he felt the same way. Now after all of that, the fights started too happen...we fought every day! at first it just made us stronger, but after awhile it was just stressing us out completely. we couldnt function, i couldnt do my schoolwork, he couldnt wake up in the mornings for school. he couldnt concentrate in his sports& neither could I. He stopped being him, it was different it was not my boyfriend, it wasnt the guy that I fell inlove with...it was someone else. we broke up more than 10 times in this time period, but only 3 of them were serious, and even the serious ones did not last very long. but the last one, completely killed both of us. I left, but than came back like usual...but when I did, he wanted nothing to do with me. NOTHING! I was shocked after everything we had been through he could really just walk away like that..as if everything he had said too me meant absolutely nothing. He told me the reason he could not do it, was because the very same reasons I just named. (we couldnt concentrate on our life, our goals) we were moving no where! and that its not healthy for me & him. I understood that, and I thought it was very reasonable. But at the same time I knew I couldnt just let go... There was this feeling in the pit of my stomach that would not go away, something was missing..it was him, I cried and cried too him but he still was peristent that this was the right thing too do. 1 day went by, and he came over with his friend& his friends girl, he sat down and talked too me about things& I started crying, everything came out, theres not one thing i didnt mention. He started crying too..And looked directly in my eyes & said 1 more time, and thats it if we argue one more time i promise you, youll never here from me again. He told me to give him more freedom, let him be with his friends..but little did he know the only reason I was the way I was..was because he was the very same way. We talked things out, got back together..but now, it’s just not the same. I can never make him laugh, his friends& my friends make him laugh all of the time. but me? I can never! It kills me, i bore him all of the time..the only time that he is happy with me is when we are having sex. he barely tells me he loves me first, and is very distant. doesnt answer my texts as fast as he use too..other things come before me..all of the time. im hurt, and i dont know where to go from here..did he lose feelings for me? what should i do? how can i make him laugh? how can it be the way it use too? will it ever be the way it use to? please help me, sorry this is so long.. thanks for reading.