White Flower Posted August 6, 2011 Posted August 6, 2011 Are you making a joke here? Why would you compare two old has-beens to your friend? Are you saying that a person can just show up here, make several off-topic posts, and that's support? That may fly on other forums, but here it's flat out rude and still a violation of Community Guidelines. There you go again putting words in my mouth. jthorne, one would think you are now the moderator with all this pointing out of TOS. Should I congratulate you? Two Old has beens! What!? That's an awful thing to say about two rock icons! Sorry for the thread jack! I know, it sure is. Thank you Pollyanna's Twin so much and *hugs* to you too Today i've been going back and forth with my emotions. Some good moments of calmness, sorrow, anger and some moments of joy too. Was training today, nice people, jokes and laughs and got a big smile from one cutie. I have been thinking about how meeting and being with him changed me on the spot. I have been emotionally unavailable for long and with him it was all on the table right away. This is strange, awakening and ..great! Even it hurts right now Maybe i needed him to see how i have become and how different everything can be if i just dare to be vulnerable.Hugs Tirai, I hope you're feeling better.
Author Tirai Posted September 23, 2011 Author Posted September 23, 2011 i broke the NC. pretending i could do this. we got into that all again. and ended it again about a month ago. night before we were meant to separate i learned him not being over her or the marriage. beating myself for going back and being so utterly stupid. while i was running around with this man, my dad died. havn't been doing a very good job handling all this. oh well, not long ago i came across someone. at some point he mentioned having a wife. first thing coming out of my mouth was "oh wow, that's pretty bad" not so nicely put but anyway, am so not getting into that stuff again just a quick update. take care everyone
whichwayisup Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 I'm sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is so hard, been there too! Please take care of yourself, and most of all, don't beat up on yourself right now. The last thing you need to do is go on a guilt trip or do the "I should have done this or that." Your dad knows you loved him!! As for your exMM.. Grieve the loss and heal. Reach out and talk to people, your friends, those whom you trust most. Do counselling too, you've been through a lot of pain and heartache, a person can only take so much crap at one time..
shakti Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 I wouldn't go on holiday with him. It will bring back all the feelings you have for him and it's just harder to lose him again. Be strong.
Silly_Girl Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 i broke the NC. pretending i could do this. we got into that all again. and ended it again about a month ago. night before we were meant to separate i learned him not being over her or the marriage. beating myself for going back and being so utterly stupid. while i was running around with this man, my dad died. havn't been doing a very good job handling all this. oh well, not long ago i came across someone. at some point he mentioned having a wife. first thing coming out of my mouth was "oh wow, that's pretty bad" not so nicely put but anyway, am so not getting into that stuff again just a quick update. take care everyone Oh dear, sounds like you've really been through it lately. Please take really good care of yourself. Be gentle to yourself for a while and try not to beat yourself up for things, you're only human.
Author Tirai Posted September 25, 2011 Author Posted September 25, 2011 thank you so much wwiu & sg for your words. thank you. shakti, we had the vacation and yes, it's harder now the night we separated he was in tears. he called me after he left and told me i had rocked his world, changed everything, and in me he finally found the one he had been looking for so long, me being everything to him. yet he was on his way to his wife. it just broke my heart. he kept on calling, saying he wont cope if he looses me all the way. i just can't do that, even hearing his voice hurts too much. all i can do is try to let go. week ago he said he respects my decision. why all those words. why maximize the pain. why not just walk away. my dad's passing was unexpected. one moment he was there and then gone. he just collapsed, lost consciousness and never woke up, next day he was brain dead. i loved him so much. am trying to do all the things i should now, but it feels i am not capable somehow and am not moving anywhere. it's too much. suppose i need to let time pass and then try to take it all in small bits.
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