lovebug5502 Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 I am completely torn apart about this. First off, let me tell you a little bit about who we are/were. I am 26 and he is 29. We began dating when i was 19 and he was 22 Him and I met 8 years ago online. what a wonderful beginning into our relationship. It felt like a fairy tale to me. after 3 years we moved in together. We went through ups and downs and highs and lows. He was/is my best friend. As the years went by, we fell into a rut. Sex was rare, and we both gained weight. We both changed but yet we meshed well. He graduated college for a few degrees and I was so very proud of who i was with. He was so driven, he knew what he wanted. Well, not for long. He wasn't able to figure out WHAT he wanted. Where did he WANT to work. or WHAT he wanted in life. I tried to push him and help him as much as I could. I picked up the slack finacially when he couldnt make enough at his job as a server and picking up the slack seemed to be an every month thing. I tried. I really did try to make him less stressed. But it wasn't enough.---now about me. I know my faults. I gained weight along the road. 40 lbs to be exact. After working as an entry level accountant, tired of working a 8-5,6,7 i didnt want to do much than veg out and slip into pjs. However, I did like going out, him, not so much. he enjoyed being at home. He didn't like going to bars, or clubs or hanging out with my friends. He said "im a loner". I got messy, didn't clean our house, and felt drained. Now, i think i might have been emotionally drained. This past year he fell into a depression. Our solution, not live together. He decided that he would go back to school, get another degree and hopefully get his life on track. Here we thought this would help us. We would start to "date" each other again. It would get fun again. We love each other, so we know we will make it. Wrong! He moved back into his parents home last month. I had to find within two weeks a new place to live. switch my whole life around and deal with moving expenses...alone. Even though i supported him in his decision to move and find himself and we said we would try to make it work living apart now and 35 miles away from each other, my love quickly turned into a bit of resentment but i still very much love him. I felt he bailed on me. I felt he gave up on us and took the easy way out. And he said so himself, I'm being selfish but I need to do this for me. So after a month of "trying to make it work, today, i spoke to him. I told him how i cry every night missing him even though i see him once or twice a week. How angry I am that we dont live together. How i resent him so much i can't stay in this anymore. It hurts. He's been my best friend, but we were in a really big rut. It's time to live and grow individually. I wonder how long before i feel less pain and can smile again and not think of how much i miss him and break down.
oopsydaisy Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 Aw sweetie-- first, big hug! What a sad, awful thing to go through. I'm so sorry. You sound like two good people who love each other a lot, and it's so crummy that it worked out that way. For what it is worth, I think you made the right decision-- and a very loving one, at that. I dated someone from 16-22, and it was hell to end it. Years later, though, I see that as much as we loved each other, and as much as we cared, and were good for each other, for whatever reason being together kept us stuck. We couldn't grow up. We couldn't make each other happy. It was terrible. It's awful that sometimes love-- real, good, true love-- can't make a relationship work. I am grateful he ended things, because I wasn't brave enough. You should be proud of how brave you are-- it obvious took a lot of guts and you took on a lot of hurt. I have no good advice, except be kind and gentle on yourself right now and know that someday, no matter how it plays out, you will be glad you did it. I suspect he will, too.
Author lovebug5502 Posted July 20, 2011 Author Posted July 20, 2011 Aw sweetie-- first, big hug! What a sad, awful thing to go through. I'm so sorry. You sound like two good people who love each other a lot, and it's so crummy that it worked out that way. For what it is worth, I think you made the right decision-- and a very loving one, at that. I dated someone from 16-22, and it was hell to end it. Years later, though, I see that as much as we loved each other, and as much as we cared, and were good for each other, for whatever reason being together kept us stuck. We couldn't grow up. We couldn't make each other happy. It was terrible. It's awful that sometimes love-- real, good, true love-- can't make a relationship work. I am grateful he ended things, because I wasn't brave enough. You should be proud of how brave you are-- it obvious took a lot of guts and you took on a lot of hurt. I have no good advice, except be kind and gentle on yourself right now and know that someday, no matter how it plays out, you will be glad you did it. I suspect he will, too. Thank you for this. I wonder if it would have been easy if we had done something bad to hurt each other. would it hurt less? but w do love and care for each other. But i know i have to go NC with him. it hurts too much. it's only been a few hours and i already miss sharing my day with him. telling him about it. this forum will hopefully help me.
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