Friend forcing beliefs on me Awkward Situation

[Syzygypassion]

I have a friend who I have known for two years. Up until now I have enjoyed her company and had some interesting conversations with her. However, on the past few occassions that I have met her she has been telling me about her beliefs in the supernatural, she claims to have seen and communicated with ghosts. She also tells me about so called "alternative medicines" that she practices, citing numerous examples of how she cured someone of an illness that traditional medicine could not cure. I listen to her out of politeness and respect but do not believe in any supernatural forces and think the alternative medicaine she practices is nonsense (I have made the effort to read about the alternative medicine she practices and view it logically, but am very skeptical about the claims made of curing illnesses that traditional medicine could not cure).

 

At first I would listen to her and take an interest but not really respond with how I feel to avoid confrontation. If I challenge her belief in ghosts then im either accusing her of lying or being mentally ill. Recently, I have told her about how I feel about her beliefs and explained why I dont believe in them. However, when I do so she does not really listen to me and continues talking/ trying to convince me that they true and real.

 

I am pursuing a career in the medical profession, which she knows. I wonder if she might be trying to belittle the profession I seek to enter. She constantly cites examples of incompetent/ abusive doctors, and how her "alternative medicine" is better.

 

I am now finding it awkward to remain friends with her and am starting to question her motivations for being friends with me in the first place.

 

Am I being to harsh? friends will often disagree on things and have varied views, but I feel like a boundary is being overstepped here.

Edited July 20, 2011 by Syzygypassion

[freestyle]

If this friend continues to overstep your boundaries by attempting to push her belief system on you---it may be time to cut her loose.

 

As far as I'm concerned, there can be no friendship without mutual respect.

Anything less than mutual respect comes across to me as a power game.

 

I have a friend who tried very hard, repeatedly, to push his religion on me---I finally had to walk away, because he wouldn't take my emphatic "No!" for an answer.

 

No matter how much I tried to reason with him, he wouldn't hear me. I told him that I absolutely respected his right to believe as he wished, and I never belittled him, or what he believed in----and he STILL couldn't understand. He was too determined to "save' me.

[Tayla]

She could be jealous of your career. Women often belittle other females they are secretly jealous of.

 

Really? Nahwee, I belittle the imbeciles who lack common sense, gender need not apply.

 

As for the OP....ironic as this may sound, alternative medicine is carrying some weight in the health industry. Homeopathic medicines actually carry some positive results as do Vegan Diets which people shout about not being "healthy" No meat? No Eggs? ....you get the idea. So maintain a level of interest while separating the person from the current topic. Basically even the truth from a lunatic is still the truth, find it with this person , or close your ears.

To each their own and I have learned to listen with both ears and carry one tongue.

Draw the line if you sincerely must. I often think Does a Minister Close his mind and heart to a person of different faith or does he learn to be of interest and see that the practice carries some positive for that individual....

[frenchtelephones]

I have a friend who believes in ghosts and who gave me a healing stone to hold in my hand for strength. When I visited her we joked about how the ghost had misplaced my hairbrush. Also, I do hold her healing stone and (maybe because I think it's so nice she gave it to me, maybe because it's really smooth and fits perfectly in my hand) it does make me feel stronger. My point is that her beliefs aren't very serious, she totally respects that I don't hold them, and she lets me poke fun at them a little, which I think is why these differences have always seemed incredibly minor and have never led to any unpleasant discussions. Your friend seems much more serious and also far more defensive about her beliefs, which I can understand puts a real strain on the friendship.

 

It seems incredibly unlikely that she pursued a friendship with you so as to convince you not to become a doctor. She might be extra defensive about her beliefs around you though, as she can safely assume that you (as a med student) think they're illegitimate nonsense (she's probably been ridiculed before, so I don't even think you'd need to say anything on the subject to make her feel nervous.) Anyways, my guess is that she's being particularly hardcore with you because she senses that you don't respect her beliefs (and she might be totally correct on this: do you honestly respect them?)

 

I have a few friends who are (moderately) religious, but beyond having a few discussions where I curiously asked them exactly what they believe in and why we never have tough philosophical arguments about religion. I once had a friend who was communist, so we mostly avoided politics (that friendship did more or less end, but not because of this.) Anyways, since I don't have a burning desire to talk about either religion or politics with all my friends and I could connect with them over a whole bunch of other things we were always totally fine. Since you and your friend will probably never see eye to eye on either medicine or the existence of ghosts I think you'll probably have to more or less circumvent these subjects in order to keep the friendship. The best way of avoiding more arguments in the future is probably by letting her know that you are totally fine with her beliefs (I'm guessing she really needs to hear this) but that you don't want to talk more about it as you both already know you will disagree. If you both actually are okay with holding different beliefs I think you'll get through this.

[vorkaskScouro]

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[Feelin Frisky]

If she's just a "friend" there's room to live and let live. But if you're a couple then this will be a wedge issue that could become terminal.

 

I'm going to try to express a stance on things like this and I hope it makes sense. Having different "beliefs" is one thing and sometimes people can overlook their differences and still be affectionate to each other. But in some cases it's not just a question of beliefs. A person who asserts that their prayer or other mumbo jumbo actually effects things is engaging in a sort of egocentric narcissism in which they assume themselves to be the reason why everything else exists. They treat other persons like they are just characters in "their" world and tend to assume they simply don't exist when they are out of sight. That's the danger of hand-me-down belief systems. It's not that the beliefs are wrong or invalid as much as it is an unspoken assumption that they are the reason everything else exists. They are so important that all they have to do is wish real hard and call it prayer and somehow their future will be magically customized to their liking. They don't think of other people as equals--those are just provisions god has made for me. This "believe it or not" is how the religious right in America excuses itself from "social responsibility" while thinking of themselves as righteous and without sin. Ironically they are less spiritual in the sense of caring for their fellow human beings than avowed atheists who strive everyday for better opportunity and better saftey nets for the common person.