EricMatt Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 After being together for 10 years and married for 8 1/2, my wife thinks she may want to leave me. We have had some really great periods in our lives together and some really tumultuous ones as well. We have a 2 1/2 year old son. There is no one else that she is interested in. She said that she loves me, she is in love with me, I am her best friend, I am a great father, a great person, and she is attracted to me. However, she said that our relationship is missing a sense of connectedness that she feels that she needs. I agree that there has always been a little distance between us, but with so many other things going for us, I don't understand why she wouldn't stay and just work on this. I don't want her to leave. I am deeply in love with her, and I don't want to disrupt the life of our beautiful son. What do I do? How do I enhance this feeling of connectedness she wants?
marqueemoon4 Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 You let her ass go and don't say a goddamn word.
Tech_E Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 You state that there is no one else. Are you sure of this? I know, I know you'll brush this off saying "I trust my wife and there is no one". Are you sure? Are you really sure? Know that you cannot stop her if she wants to leave.
David Cain Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 There it is again. A wife all of a sudden, ups and leaves the marriage for another man. Believe it. There is another man. Her responses show that she's lying her ass off. If she wants to leave for the new-new, then pack her bags and set them at the front door right now.
Surfer203 Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 You have a kid, so I would suggest not giving up right away. Get to the bottom of what is REALLY going on. My wife told me the same things, how great I am, that she loves me etc. Sure enough there was another guy. If there is not another guy then there is no reason she can't take a bit of time to herself to re-center her feelings. Sounds like your marriage is good overall, so why would a seemingly happy person throw it down the drain? Something is a bit off here.
andyg99 Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 I know this sucks but you have to accept that there may be another guy... hell, I'd flat out tell her "I feel really blown away by what you're telling me and I tihnk there may be another guy - let me look at your phone and check texts and numbers so I can at least rule that out". See what she does...
David Cain Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 I know this sucks but you have to accept that there may be another guy... hell, I'd flat out tell her "I feel really blown away by what you're telling me and I tihnk there may be another guy - let me look at your phone and check texts and numbers so I can at least rule that out". See what she does... And if she gets pissy about it in any way then you have your answer.
David Cain Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 You have a kid, so I would suggest not giving up right away. Please point out to me in the original post where he said he wants to give up. And just because there's a kid involved doesn't mean you have to stay in a bad relationship.
KathyM Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 After being together for 10 years and married for 8 1/2, my wife thinks she may want to leave me. We have had some really great periods in our lives together and some really tumultuous ones as well. We have a 2 1/2 year old son. There is no one else that she is interested in. She said that she loves me, she is in love with me, I am her best friend, I am a great father, a great person, and she is attracted to me. However, she said that our relationship is missing a sense of connectedness that she feels that she needs. I agree that there has always been a little distance between us, but with so many other things going for us, I don't understand why she wouldn't stay and just work on this. I don't want her to leave. I am deeply in love with her, and I don't want to disrupt the life of our beautiful son. What do I do? How do I enhance this feeling of connectedness she wants? Marriage counseling would be helpful, assuming you get a good counselor. In addition to that, you need to work on developing the connectedness in your marriage. You need to start increasing your communication level. Call her more often - at least once a day while at work, and spend time talking with her and doing things with her. It's very easy to get in a rut in a marriage where you don't talk during the day, and then you just attend to business at home, and don't actually spend quality time with your wife. You have to work at the connection. Plan a date night once a week where you can connect and enjoy each other's company. Improve your sex life with your wife--that always helps with the connectedness. Turn the TV off and go for a walk with the wife, and engage in outside activities with her. There's a lot you can do. Hopefully, it's not too late.
whichwayisup Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 Yep, you do marriage counselling and communicate with one another. Because of your young child, you both owe it to each other to give it your best. The love is there, the attraction is there, I'm not sure what she means by connectedness? Something tells me you don't know either..
Mauschen Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 Also visit marriagebuilders.com and read the book His Needs Her Needs by Dr. Harley -great book that my husband and I have read.
dreamingoftigers Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 Try calling divorcebusters if you want to save your marriage to this selfish bitch. Wahwah wah, there's no connection, do instead of working on it or trying to solve my whiny bitch problems, I am just going to leave.
chuzzbug Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 I'm sorry to hear that you're in this situation. It sucks. If she wants to leave because she wants "something else", be it "connectedness" or another thing, the chances of her getting it from you is small. I'll explain. Things can go two ways. 1. The partner decides that the relationship is missing X and approaches the other saying "The relationship is missing X. I'd like to have it - let's work on getting it back (or putting it in)." 2. The partner decides that the relationship is missing X, also decides that they can't get it (or don't want to get it) from their partner, and approaches the other saying "The relationship is missing X. Goodbye." Situation (1) brings people closer if they manage to find X. Situation (2) suggests that the partner has already thought about X and considers its absence irreparable. X might also provide a convenient excuse to leave. There are many ways to interpret the situation, but far fewer modes of action that are productive. I suggest that you tell your wife that she has some reasonable amount of time to think about this (2 weeks), at which point you require that she unambiguously states whether she wants to stay and find closeness or leave. Stay strong and connected to your self-esteem. These kinds of things are as much about them as about you.
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