Amme Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 Hi guys! After a few times searching for some articles on long distance I found this forum and it seems like a good place to get some advice. The quick backstory: I'm from the US, took a gap year before college through South America and ended up meeting my current boyfriend there. We have been together now for almost 9 months. We spent over 6 months together almost every day. I met his family and friends down there in Chile and we had some great vacations as well as just being together like a regular couple. I have never felt this way about anyone and I can honestly see us being together forever. We share the same goals for the future, our personalities match (and when they don't, we balance each other out) and we generally just have an awesome time together. I feel like I need to ask some questions here because this a very atypical LDR. I'm not dating my high school sweetheart and then going to college. I traveled alone for a year in South America and previously studied abroad during high school alone at 15. I usually point this out because I feel I've had actually had a lot of time to explore and get to know myself and meet people who interest me as opposed to many of my peers who are just starting out in college. I am going back for a visit in August for 2 weeks. My mom will be joining me for one week and then I will have the second week to be alone with the boy! I'm very excited!!! But I have a few questions: 1. I have no shortage of affection from my boy. He always lets me know that he loves me and definitely is able to communicate with me when he is feeling annoyed or sad ect. However when I get sad that we won't be able to talk for a days (he works in a place with no internet, no cell service, and a shared phone that he can sometimes use for 10-15 minutes a day) he gets upset and annoyed that I am sad. It is impossible to be able to pick a time to talk because someone else could be on the phone. His response to my sadness is that if we go 3 or 4 days without talking it won't change anything because he will still love me and still miss me and that the circumstances aren't under his control. Which is all true and I know that. I have 0 fear that he is cheating or doing whatever and generally we are independent people and want each other to go out and have a life! However for me it is more satisfying to talk to him for just 10 minutes, share my day, and hear his voice. It gives me something to look forward to. For him it feels like doesn't really matter either way because he is sure of our commitment. I guess I'm just wondering if it's normal to have a few days without communication every week? It may possibly be like this but with the roles reversed while I'm at school because I'll have less time and he'll be in a different job with a lot more opportunities to talk. I'm just afraid we will do this until we get to a point where we no longer feel connected because we are just kind of passing the time and only talking a few times a week with skype. How do I work on this, should I change or is it normal how we are doing it right now? Help! 2. What is a good way to deal with having a LDR in college? It actually won't be so bad because after my first year (entering as a sophomore) I can study abroad for possibly the whole year and I also will have 4 month summers for all 3 years that I'm school. We've also talked about him coming up to Canada where I'll be in school to live during my last year if we make it that far. So basically I just need to get through first year. I'm very excited for school but obviously and 10 times more nervous to go because I will have to find that balance between friends, schoolwork, the relationship ect. I guess just like everyone else will haha. I am 90% sure that I'll be going back down there over christmas break which is really nice. But I guess just wondering if anyone has experience doing LDR during school... Thanks to all the brave, wonderful people that are also going through LDRs and trying to make it fun, fulfilling, and eventually just get back to their loved-ones. Any advice you can give would be amazing. Thanks!
Cathster Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 1. I think it is pretty normal to have a few days without communication every week. Every LDR has different circumstances, so I guess the thing is you have to make the best of what you've got. I wouldn't worry too much about not talking to him for a day or two. To be honest, that alone isn't going to stop you both feeling connected. I am lucky in that I'm able to talk to my boyfriend every day most days, although sometimes that means him calling me at 2 in the morning and waking me up. On the flip side of things, my best friend only gets to talk to her boyfriend once every two weeks due to him being at sea. It frustrates her but it hasn't stopped them connecting. She tries to connect in other ways: sending him care packages, e-mails, letters, etc. While you should let him know that if you can just talk to him for 10 minutes you will be happy, sometimes that's not always possible and if you don't hear from him for a day, like he said it doesn't mean he won't still love you. 2. I've not been in this situation, so feel free to ignore my advice... this is purely going on how I would be thinking if I was in school. You are going to be so busy with new friends and schoolwork that time will fly. I know my boyfriend doesn't feel like the time between our visits is very long (though for me two months seems like an AGE) because he's so busy with his job and making new friends. Just make sure you keep regular communication with him - if it can't be a call every day like you said, try to send him an e-mail or text a day, so he knows you're thinking of him. And counting down to your next visit always helps, as well as planning what you're going to be doing etc. I'm fairly new to an LDR myself (mine started in November) so there are a lot more people on here with more wise and helpful advice than me!
Recommended Posts