Jessie Posted September 6, 2000 Posted September 6, 2000 I don't know how to get this semi-boyfriend, I don't-know-what-ya-call him to listen to me, but everytime I start discussing something serious he gets very jumpy and starts doing other things that are very distracting. He changes the subject or even starts studying! This happened once on a bus where his nose was burried in a textbook. Made me feel real nice. They guy apparently has some common psychological disorder and he takes medications. He told me at the beginning not to take some things personally but I can't help it. Sometimes I think he uses his disorder on purpose just to avoid confrontation. Like, he'll call up a bunch of male friends, hang out with them ( I think his friends are immature and stupid)and wonn't seem to have any troubles staying focused with them. This really hurts my feelings, but again, I don't think he is developed enough to realize he is hurting me. Can you teach someone like this?
Deejette Posted September 6, 2000 Posted September 6, 2000 I think you should tell him how upset his non-attention makes you and if he continues, don't try to force him. Move on to someone who will listen. Often we try to make someone fit our mold of how we would like them to be, but if they are not ready for it, we will just end up being hurt and disappointed. They will think we are irrational and won't get it. I don't know how to get this semi-boyfriend, I don't-know-what-ya-call him to listen to me, but everytime I start discussing something serious he gets very jumpy and starts doing other things that are very distracting. He changes the subject or even starts studying! This happened once on a bus where his nose was burried in a textbook. Made me feel real nice. They guy apparently has some common psychological disorder and he takes medications. He told me at the beginning not to take some things personally but I can't help it. Sometimes I think he uses his disorder on purpose just to avoid confrontation. Like, he'll call up a bunch of male friends, hang out with them ( I think his friends are immature and stupid)and wonn't seem to have any troubles staying focused with them. This really hurts my feelings, but again, I don't think he is developed enough to realize he is hurting me. Can you teach someone like this?
Tony T Posted September 6, 2000 Posted September 6, 2000 If his behavior is due to a chemical imbalance or a psychologica condition, such as hyperactive attention deficit disorer, you'll never teach him anything. And, yes, in my travels I have observed that the behavior can be selective. This behaviors are usually the worst around people the person is very familiar with and the person is on best behavior around strangers or people the person wants to impress. Though you can't teach him anything, you probably will never be able to have a fulfilling and constructive relationship with him. If you are a normal and fully functioning person, your best bet is to find same in a partner.
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