User01 Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 Hello all! I have found myself in a really confusing position again so wanted the insight of people who have no vested interest in me or my potential love interest. Praise be the internet! Background information: (apologies for the essay- stay with me people!) I have known girl 1 for a long time, since secondary school, but only in the past year and a half have really got close- as friends. I say friends, as that I am sure of. What is confusing as hell is acting like a psuedo couple (I.e spending lots of quality time together, missing each other getting to know each others parents etc.) Only thing is- and it's a biggie- no physical contact. Back in Oct last year it turns out she was nuts about me, but being the complete noob that I was, I didn't read any of the subtle hints for what they were and rationalised them away into nothing. This became too much for me as my feelings for her had snowballed and I became infatuated. I ended up asking her out, and she declined saying she needed to work on her self esteem first as she didn't think it was fair to let someone else share her mood swings and depression. (I offered support and thought the most important thing is getting herself out of the depression and happy with herself.) Friendship land it was to be then, I started to move on emotionally but stayed her friend as she has been good to me for a long time and could really do with someone to talk to when she was feeling low. Now I thought that as she declined my offer, that meant sorry but NO. What was confusing was 2 months later of seeing her once a week to enjoy being hiking buddies, she then said that she was nervous about being in a serious relationship- it would be her first. This threw me as I had being getting over her, and now she was talking about being serious together and sex. She is still a virgin (as was I at this point) She also told me she wasn't a touchy feely person and it was hard for her to do that. She was the first girl I properly fell for, so as you can imagine I was confused but also happy that it appeared she had come round to the idea. She cited the self esteem issues were being worked on and that she really wanted to make it work. I figured sure, why not? I'll give her time to work on herself and in the mean time we can enjoy each others company. 2 weeks passed and I had no more indication that anything had changed, little things like attempts at holding hands or linking arms were rejected. Because I didn't know where I stood, I asked. I acted pretty clingy to be fair- when you don't feel love being reciprocated you try harder, bad times. She then said she wasn't sure and that after some talking too, that she didn't think she was attracted to me. Right. Thats a big one, no messing about here- even on the love drug my logic could draw no other conclusion: She likes your company and how you make her feel, but not interested romantically. I started to see other people while lowering the amount of time spent with Girl 1, to the point where I hadn't seen/contacted her for 3 months. During those 3 months: I never had been proactive in dating women as I honestly wasn't bothered, seemed like a whole lot of effort and I was happy the way I was. Single. I have no hangups with esteem issues and although reserved, I can be quite energetic and (down ego!) fun to be around and alright to look at haha! After getting such strong feelings with Girl 1 though, I began to feel doubt in myself. If I was as good as I thought then why am I having so much trouble? I put that idea to the test to see if it was me, or Girl 1 with the problem. So I pulled my finger out and started seeing other people! While dating other people I met several women whom had expressed interest in me far more overtly than Girl 1. Only problem is that despite a couple of them being far more attractive physically- they didn't do it for me emotionally or intellectually. Any of them apart from another friend who seemed to have a big crush on me. Girl 2. Girl 2 had no hang ups, and met all my criteria bar one. She was already in a relationship of 6 years. Fail. Girl 2 hinted very strongly at me to effectively steal her from her current boyfriend by escalating physically which I rejected. I don't do cheating, and I wouldn't be able to trust her myself seeing how she behaves when things get tough. I left things and Girl 2 went cold. Along comes Girl 3 who is mad about me, tries to catch me by using sex as a route to relationship without any bonding ground work. End result, I don't feel any connection with her despite her being someone I really should like. I let her down gently (feeling like a bastard in the process) telling her why and being honest. She attempted again to try the bonding but I told her nothing had changed. Felt bad for her as I saw myself in her relating to Girl 1. After the 3 months of dating: (You're doing well! nearly there guys!) I had a weak moment and contacted Girl 1 asking if she was up for going for lunch for a catch up, she agreed and we did just that. During that short time it felt like I hadn't spent any time apart and the conversation was fun, interesting and silly at times. I was going to visit some friends who live at the other end of the country so thought I'd mention I was having thoughts of moving there to start afresh- I was and still am considering actually- when I said this she looked shocked and concerned. I dropped her off at home and said "I'll cya when I cya." thinking that was nice but why should I get back into weekly walks together- I'm kidding myself if I think she wants anything more. I go for a drive to take my mind off things and have some fun exploring, when I get a text from Girl 1. In the text she says she realises how much she has missed me and if we could meet up again. I reply saying that it was good to see her too and we should do something when I come back off visiting my friends. I come back from friends visit having enjoyed myself and am invited by Girl 1 to spent time with her family and her. I really enjoy this as I feel like I get on so well with her family, but get the sneaking suspision that all of this is engineered to encourage me to make a move. Not a bad thing I guess, but difficult to do when there is no privacy to make a move- having been rejected once I don't want an audience should it happen again! Went to the cinema together and had a good time but felt no appropriate moment came to show my interest via touch. Enjoyed the night and planned to meet up again. Met up again to go for a hike and spent 8 hours having fun joking and chatting but each time I did small tests of her affection she turned away. i.e while holding the map together I let my hand brush hers and leave just touching, from which she pulls back each time. When sat next to each other having lunch her body language is crossed legs and pointed away from me. Now having a bunch of little things go that way, I felt like it would be a stupid move to make a pass at her. When I mentioned my friend who I'm staying with while visiting 'down south' had broken up with her BF Girl 1 seemed a bit nervous. The now: I feel like a douche for not having the balls to make a move thanks to over thinking things. I sent a text suggesting lunch before I head off to visit friends again but as of yet, no reply. (she hardly ever has credit so not surprised honestly). During the lunch meet I intend to do initiate touching to see how she reacts. I am going to plant one on her as a proper test of what she is feeling. If she is indeed interested I figure I know where I am, but there is no way I wish to invest my emotions like I did previously if I'm just being led on, I don't wish to keep turning down women I could have given a chance to. Thanks for reading! Virtual Hi5! I know I am pretty shy when it comes to relationships as I wait for a green light before acting, but I feel like the mixed messages are messing with my judgement! What do people think I should do? Or what do they make of Girl 1's behaviour?
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