Author ken_25 Posted July 21, 2011 Author Posted July 21, 2011 it was relieving in the sense that I can feel more distance from her for doing it. it's easier for me to walk away then ever, and that feels good ya know?
geegirl Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 I didn't have much reaction, I asked her if she felt alright doing it, she said yeah, it was exciting, but wasn't the greatest kiss. well, this made me feel better actually, kinda relieved, like I really wasn't being lied to and it's easier for me to leave. Ken, I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. No one deserves to be treated this way. Heartless and cruel and you dodged a big freaking bullet. I can almost imagine her smug and arrogant demeanor while telling you that. How do you deliberately hurt someone like that? I don't know what sort of thrill she gets out of that but all I can say is that she is despicable. And when you ever feel weak and wanting to go back, print this thread and read it to remind yourself of who she is and what she is.
Chi townD Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 Well, I'm happy that you're going to change your living conditions. She's probably going to go ballistic when she see's you moving your stuff out. But, telling her at the last second, I had mixed feeling about that, but ultimately, I think you're right. If you tell her now, she gonna go insane and make your life hell until you leave. This way, either the band-aid comes off slowly or quickly. And besides, you didn't ask her to end the relationship abruptly. You didn't ask her to start dating immediately. Therefore, you shouldn't have to tell her you're moving out.
Author ken_25 Posted July 21, 2011 Author Posted July 21, 2011 thanks guys. yeah I know i do not deserve this. I was always honest and loyal to her, I could see if I was some bastard but I really wasn't. chi, yeah I have mixed feelings doing that as well. mainly because I told her I wouldn't do that too her. but now, I feel like I almost want her to feel shocked or left scrambling, but who knows she may feel relieved. I don't think she would try and make my life hell at all. I just don't really want to give her much time to brace for it at all and come up with a plan, but for all I know, she is planning on moving out in two weeks. so here we go.
Chi townD Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 thanks guys. yeah I know i do not deserve this. I was always honest and loyal to her, I could see if I was some bastard but I really wasn't. chi, yeah I have mixed feelings doing that as well. mainly because I told her I wouldn't do that too her. but now, I feel like I almost want her to feel shocked or left scrambling, but who knows she may feel relieved. I don't think she would try and make my life hell at all. I just don't really want to give her much time to brace for it at all and come up with a plan, but for all I know, she is planning on moving out in two weeks. so here we go. Oh I believe she would make your life hell. She's doing it already with the level of disrespect she's showing towards you. She's already shocked you by ending your relationship and hooking up with this guy immediately. Did you think that this was gonna happen two months ago? Probably not. Therefore, this chick is capable of anything. Best to do it the way you have planned.
Truly Lost Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 I feel bad that you're having to go through this ken_25. It's a crappy situation to be in. I'm not taking sides, but I don't necessarily think your ex is as nasty as it appears. There are two sides to every story. She may have her legitimate reasons for falling out of love. That's between you two. She may have felt this way about you for a while and didn't have the heart to tell you because she wanted to be sure. That's just human nature and I think, for those of us who have been the "dumper", have struggled with making the right decision to end a relationship . It doesn't make her heartless. When she met this new guy she finally realized that the bond you two have is not there anymore. She didn't need to disclose anything else to you. It's over...but in all fairness to your feelings and to express the seriousness of her decision she explained it to you. Some people just walk away with no explination...that's the worst. Your relationship ran it's course and nothing she says to you....,or any of us on this site say, is going to make this experience any easier. I think you should definately start packing your belongings and make other plans to move out. The sooner you get out of this situation the quicker you will be able to heal. It's not good for you to watch how this all unravels.
Author ken_25 Posted July 21, 2011 Author Posted July 21, 2011 yeah I understand that, but let me give you some background. with her first love, she cheated on him with a couple in a 3some. dumped him by moving all of her stuff out overnight when he was gone. then went out with another guy, tried taking off over night but he caught her and anyway that ended. then she went crawling back to her first love and he wouldn't take her back. then I met her, after a month of dating she cheated on me with her first love. I just found last week that she cheated on me our first month in. now three and half years together, she tells me her feelings have faded, one week she feels like I'm the one, the next week she doesn't. doesn't ever try and communicate about her problems with me, just goes through the motions until she met this other guy and was able to pull the trigger on me. then she is texting him every night, now kissing, eventually screwing but they may have for all I know. all the while, she seems happy with what she is doing. it's like our 3 1/2 years weren't much of anything to her, that's pretty heartless. I treated her pretty well, not perfect, but to already be doing this with someone else and expecting me to be around seeing it and not doing anything? what the hell is that? she has some issues, this thing with the other guy isn't going to work out, i think she really knows that. so I'm just kinda getting the shaft here.
Author ken_25 Posted July 21, 2011 Author Posted July 21, 2011 she was with her first love for a little over a year, next guy 1 1/2 years, me 3 1/2.
wilsonx Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 yeah I understand that, but let me give you some background. with her first love, she cheated on him with a couple in a 3some. dumped him by moving all of her stuff out overnight when he was gone. then went out with another guy, tried taking off over night but he caught her and anyway that ended. then she went crawling back to her first love and he wouldn't take her back. then I met her, after a month of dating she cheated on me with her first love. I just found last week that she cheated on me our first month in. now three and half years together, she tells me her feelings have faded, one week she feels like I'm the one, the next week she doesn't. doesn't ever try and communicate about her problems with me, just goes through the motions until she met this other guy and was able to pull the trigger on me. then she is texting him every night, now kissing, eventually screwing but they may have for all I know. all the while, she seems happy with what she is doing. it's like our 3 1/2 years weren't much of anything to her, that's pretty heartless. I treated her pretty well, not perfect, but to already be doing this with someone else and expecting me to be around seeing it and not doing anything? what the hell is that? she has some issues, this thing with the other guy isn't going to work out, i think she really knows that. so I'm just kinda getting the shaft here. Ken, I am in the same boat as you. You and I have similar situations but your ex told you the truth about what was going on and why she broke up with you. Its a fair bet, its over. There's no coming back and the more you hold hope that she is, the longer you are going to suffer because of it and not heal. I wish I would have gotten the truth like you did but I didnt, I had to deal with a gaslighting that tore me down to make herself feel better but I called her out on it for the next week and finally got her admit it not only to me but herself. But you will find someone better, so will I. Thats what we have to focus on together. Forget about your ex coming back. Don't even think about it if it is or isn't going to happen because its something that you can not control.
t_i Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 Do you know how much I'd kill for someone who would get rosepetals and candles for me? Why are you wasting effort on someone who doesn't deserve it? All girls love to be fussed over. However unfortunately some girls arent worth it. Find someone hotter, nicer to spend your time on it will hurt but with time you'll be fine
wilsonx Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 I talked to one of my old bosses who's one of the most straight shooting people on the planet yet has a caring heart and guess what she told me... and Im going to pass this to you Ken because you and I are the same... She said kick that bitch to the curb, line the next set of girls up and pick the right one and go from there. Everyone has their bad apples and she gets to go to her 40 year high school reunion coming up and the ex that did this to her is fat bald divorced has a kid and went no where in life and is unhappy. Let us be the happy ones =) We are going to grow and be better people because of what happened to us
Author ken_25 Posted July 22, 2011 Author Posted July 22, 2011 the only reason I now can see to hope she came back, was to get to deny her. you're right wilson, we're going to be fine. I've learned from this already, in the last few short days and I've already felt a lot better. I will still learn more from it, but I feel I've already grown a little. if there was no other guy, this would be harder, but that's just me. so I'm going to find someone I deserve and so will you, life is a crazy freaking journey.
Sebstian Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 You'll have good and bad days ahead of you, but rest assured that down the line will reach the point where you know and FEEL that she is not good enough for you. It's a wonderful feeling when it happens! So go do all the right things to get your there as quickly as possible. NC, no fb stalking, work out, date girls etc. // Seb
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