my body is a cage Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 well this is a new one. last weekend i met a fairly well known (being careful not to give too many details here) professional creative through a friend of mine. he, my friend, and i hung out all night bar hopping. he was VERY good looking, and flirted with me aggressively throughout the night: asking for my number everytime my friend left, asking what i was doing after this, rubbing my leg under the table, etc... anyway, he is really hot and really talented, and i was somewhat flattered (if not confused) by his aggressive pursuit. we ended up hooking up... and having awesome sex... multiple times... afterwards he said there was something he wanted to say to me but couldn't do it then... i tried to press him but he said he would tell me in the morning (...ok?) so anyway, in the morning, i pressed him again: him: so, i kinda sorta have a gf. me: .... kinda. sorta? him: i havea gf... ANYWAY, i looked him up after this, apparently his gf is a supermodel?! but thats besides the point... for arguments sake lets pretend shes a real human being ... (jk i know shes a person with feeling but... wtf?!?) but yeah so he started saying how he "felt bad because he wasnt this type of guy, that he hadnt been with anyone but her in a year, that he was just really attracted to me, that he IS still really attracted to me, that he feels guilty and bad but doesnt regret doing it because it was really fun? and shes been in a different country for a while and hes feeling distant from her..." but yeah so.... when he left he told me to text him his number bc i was supposed to do that during the night but never did. i texted him 2 days later and he texted back asking how i was and that was about it. my questions: why did he tell me he had a gf? to assuage his own guilt? why did he choose to cheat with me if he had never cheat before? why did he come on so strong if he was going to feel bad about cheating? why confide his relationship issues in me? why tell me to text him after telling me he has a gf?? WHY DID A SUCCESSFUL PROFESSIONAL CREATIVE CHEAT ON HIS SUPERMODEL GF WITH ME??! jk to the last one. not really.... what a ****ing tease! most importantly, how can i convince him to leave his gf and marry me?? (jk... maybe). he is SO HOT. and talented. DAMMIT. jahfijahdfas PS. i'm in my (very) early 20s and he's in his (very) early 30s, for what that's worth
Eddie Edirol Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 He lost interest in his gf for what could be any reason. Maybe supermodels are what he gets to date on the regular but they stink in bed. Maybe she is an emotional stone, or a heroin addict. maybe she is bolemic and her breath stinks. It could be any reason, but realize he is telling you what you need to hear to get you in bed for an easy lay. So now that he wants to keep in touch, you will now be a booty call until he gets the next supermodel that will hopefully be a better lay, or less traveled model than his last. He told you he had a girlfriend after sex, because you might not have slept with him if he told you beforehand. He also told you that to see if youd be ok with sleeping with him without a commitment. That way he can always tell you its not a relationship because he already has a gf. he knows you will hope for more, but he'll never give that to you. By the way, you dont want this guy for anything serious, cuz if he loses interest in you, he can quickly start sleeping with other women under your nose.
OldOnTheInside Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 He lost interest in his gf for what could be any reason. Maybe supermodels are what he gets to date on the regular but they stink in bed. Maybe she is an emotional stone, or a heroin addict. maybe she is bolemic and her breath stinks. It could be any reason, but realize he is telling you what you need to hear to get you in bed for an easy lay. So now that he wants to keep in touch, you will now be a booty call until he gets the next supermodel that will hopefully be a better lay, or less traveled model than his last. He told you he had a girlfriend after sex, because you might not have slept with him if he told you beforehand. He also told you that to see if youd be ok with sleeping with him without a commitment. That way he can always tell you its not a relationship because he already has a gf. he knows you will hope for more, but he'll never give that to you. By the way, you dont want this guy for anything serious, cuz if he loses interest in you, he can quickly start sleeping with other women under your nose. The abridged version: You're a booty call for him OP. If you're okay with just being a booty call...eh. Realistically, why would you expect anything more?
bittersweet memories Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 well this is a new one. last weekend i met a fairly well known (being careful not to give too many details here) professional creative through a friend of mine. he, my friend, and i hung out all night bar hopping. he was VERY good looking, and flirted with me aggressively throughout the night: asking for my number everytime my friend left, asking what i was doing after this, rubbing my leg under the table, etc... anyway, he is really hot and really talented, and i was somewhat flattered (if not confused) by his aggressive pursuit. we ended up hooking up... and having awesome sex... multiple times... afterwards he said there was something he wanted to say to me but couldn't do it then... i tried to press him but he said he would tell me in the morning (...ok?) so anyway, in the morning, i pressed him again: him: so, i kinda sorta have a gf. me: .... kinda. sorta? him: i havea gf... ANYWAY, i looked him up after this, apparently his gf is a supermodel?! but thats besides the point... for arguments sake lets pretend shes a real human being ... (jk i know shes a person with feeling but... wtf?!?) but yeah so he started saying how he "felt bad because he wasnt this type of guy, that he hadnt been with anyone but her in a year, that he was just really attracted to me, that he IS still really attracted to me, that he feels guilty and bad but doesnt regret doing it because it was really fun? and shes been in a different country for a while and hes feeling distant from her..." but yeah so.... when he left he told me to text him his number bc i was supposed to do that during the night but never did. i texted him 2 days later and he texted back asking how i was and that was about it. my questions: why did he tell me he had a gf? to assuage his own guilt? why did he choose to cheat with me if he had never cheat before? why did he come on so strong if he was going to feel bad about cheating? why confide his relationship issues in me? why tell me to text him after telling me he has a gf?? WHY DID A SUCCESSFUL PROFESSIONAL CREATIVE CHEAT ON HIS SUPERMODEL GF WITH ME??! jk to the last one. not really.... what a ****ing tease! most importantly, how can i convince him to leave his gf and marry me?? (jk... maybe). he is SO HOT. and talented. DAMMIT. jahfijahdfas PS. i'm in my (very) early 20s and he's in his (very) early 30s, for what that's worth Come on! You are not his first nor his last.
Feelsgoodman Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 most importantly, how can i convince him to leave his gf and marry me?? (jk... maybe). he is SO HOT. and talented. DAMMIT. jahfijahdfas I lol'ed This guy can bang easy girls like you whenever he pleases. And he has a supermodel GF. The best of both world.
D-Lish Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 He banged you because you were an easy lay.. That's the end of the story.... Period. Guys like this just bang girls that buy into their BS- and you did... So he banged you because you accepted his Bull****. He'll bang you again because he knows you'll go there. If you really ever want to know if you mean something to someone- wait to sleep with them.
OldOnTheInside Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 I lol'ed This guy can bang easy girls like you whenever he pleases. And he has a supermodel GF. The best of both world. Man oh man. That's it. Easy girls. And I'm not talking about the kinda girls that are "in tune with their sexuality". I'm talking about the kind of girls that you can play like a fiddle and dump on the side of the street the next day. My advice OP: Befriend a male player. That way, you can see how incredibly predictable they are. Seriously, most manipulative types function on pre-written scripts.
D-Lish Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 Man oh man. That's it. Easy girls. And I'm not talking about the kinda girls that are "in tune with their sexuality". I'm talking about the kind of girls that you can play like a fiddle and dump on the side of the street the next day. My advice OP: Befriend a male player. That way, you can see how incredibly predictable they are. Seriously, most manipulative types function on pre-written scripts. Yep- I just stated the same advice a couple of posts earlier. Agree with you 100%
musemaj11 Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 Whats wrong with women who want to have sex with hot guys? Why are people so judgmental? All the ugly guys are obviously oozing with jealousy. Personally I dont see a problem with her having one night stand with a guy she found hot. My problem is that she sounds like a naive young little girl.
OldOnTheInside Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 My advice OP: Befriend a male player. That way, you can see how incredibly predictable they are. Seriously, most manipulative types function on pre-written scripts. Hah, I just saw the irony in this statement. I must be feeling slow today. Here's how you detect a player or "plastic" person OP...it's simple. Players aren't genuine. They don't act naturally. They react to your actions to get what they want. Not hard to play the players. Not that I recommend going down that path. All the ugly guys are obviously oozing with jealousy.That's gotta be it.
betterdeal Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 (edited) Good for you! You had great sex with a great looking guy and he's already made it clear he isn't going to move in tomorrow and sponge off you, but is up for more of the same. So, when you want to have great sex with a great looking guy, give him a booty call. But if you aren't comfortable with having sex with someone who is in a relationship, say thanks but no thanks. He hit on you because you're attractive. His girlfriend is abroad and he wanted to scratch an itch. You, of all the chicks in town, were the one he choose to scratch it with. It's just sex, and fun, and two consenting adults. Enjoy it for what it was, and is. As for the emotional stuff, take it with a pinch of salt, and I'd probably let him know you don't want to know about it, certainly not this early on. But good on you for getting a great shag with a hottie Edited July 20, 2011 by betterdeal
MissJonelyn Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 my questions: why did he tell me he had a gf? to assuage his own guilt? why did he choose to cheat with me if he had never cheat before? why did he come on so strong if he was going to feel bad about cheating? why confide his relationship issues in me? why tell me to text him after telling me he has a gf?? I can really only think of two reasons why it would tell you that he had a girlfriend: He probably is planning on breaking up with her.He probably wants to give himself a little leeway just in case he was found out about cheating and try to make it look like you came on to him. And if he never cheated before, so what? There's always a first time for everything. There are many reasons why people cheat on their significant others. It doesn't always justify the means.
betterdeal Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 Everyone appears to be assuming there's sexual exclusivity between him and his girlfriend. Where is that said?
OldOnTheInside Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 Everyone appears to be assuming there's sexual exclusivity between him and his girlfriend. Where is that said? Where isn't it said? Can't say either way. Fact is, OP has used the word "cheated" in her title. Presumably, he would have informed her of an open relationship, if that was the case. That's all the info we have to go on. Thus, all of these conclusions for him being on the "cheater wagon".
MissJonelyn Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 Everyone appears to be assuming there's sexual exclusivity between him and his girlfriend. Where is that said? You can't assume that there isn't an open relationship but you also can't assume that there is one. It is also assumed that if you are with someone, you are with that person and that person only.
Feelsgoodman Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 Whats wrong with women who want to have sex with hot guys? Why are people so judgmental? All the ugly guys are obviously oozing with jealousy. Personally I dont see a problem with her having one night stand with a guy she found hot. My problem is that she sounds like a naive young little girl. Nothing wrong with girls wanting to bang hot guys. Just make sure you don't end up being the chump who buys her dinners and takes her on vacations while she's withholding sex and pretending to be a proper young lady (and f*cking some better looking guy)
betterdeal Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 Where isn't it said? It isn't said anywhere on this thread. Can't say either way. Spot on.
OldOnTheInside Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 It isn't said anywhere on this thread. Spot on. Which is where the rest of her post comes in BD. She used the word "cheated". S'all we know until she returns. If she returns.
betterdeal Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 You can't assume that there isn't an open relationship but you also can't assume that there is one. You can assume anything you wish to. You can even choose not to assume at all and just deal with the facts that are pertinent to you. It is also assumed that if you are with someone, you are with that person and that person only. Sure, that's the default set up for a relationship. For me, it's all pretty simple because I am not comfortable having more than a heat of the moment one night stand with someone who's in a relationship even if it's an open one. Everyone had to go by their own instincts.
betterdeal Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 Which is where the rest of her post comes in BD. You've lost me. She used the word "cheated". S'all we know until she returns. If she returns. Yes, she did. And you think that means you know what his arrangements are. Me, I don't, and I also think trying to figure them out or assume them is a waste of time.
MissJonelyn Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 You can assume anything you wish to. You can even choose not to assume at all and just deal with the facts that are pertinent to you. [/Quote] Fair enough, but if the relationship is indeed truly an open relationship then this entire thread is totally irrelevant. But since she specifically said the words "cheated" people can only assume that it is not an open relationship. Sure, that's the default set up for a relationship. For me, it's all pretty simple because I am not comfortable having more than a heat of the moment one night stand with someone who's in a relationship even if it's an open one. Everyone had to go by their own instincts. Different strokes for different folks. You can never truly tell what someone's intentions are. Only think you can go by is what you want out of a relationship.
OldOnTheInside Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 (edited) And you think that means you know what his arrangements are.Don't really care about his arrangements personally. But the implications behind the words "cheated" and "cheating" are clear. OP chose those words specifically. And she knows more about her situation than any of us. If there is any moral ambiguity here...she can clear it up, if she feels inclined. Simple. Edited July 20, 2011 by OldOnTheInside
catchthedrift Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 I feel like I've been there and it ended up not being anything significant. After all he is just a guy, and guys like sex with pretty girls, even if they have girlfriends. Especially a lot of very successful men are that way. They can get whatever they want, they know it and live it. I wouldn't even believe all this "I haven't slept with anyone but my gf in a year" bull****, this might just be an excuse for you to think you are special to him. I think you might be only one out of many and he keeps on using the same strategy over and over. This guy doesn't like commitment and is a cheater and a player. By nature. Toxic men are like that. Stay away from him, is my advice.
betterdeal Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 Fair enough, but if the relationship is indeed truly an open relationship then this entire thread is totally irrelevant. I disagree. She wanted to talk about it and that's what the thread is for. She had a great time and wanted to boost a bit, IMO, and nothing wrong in that. She also wanted some advice, which she has received. But since she specifically said the words "cheated" people can only assume that it is not an open relationship. Personally, I assume that's her assumption, and it may be a 99% accurate assumption, but it is irrelevant and a waste of resources at this point. Different strokes for different folks. You can never truly tell what someone's intentions are. Only think you can go by is what you want out of a relationship. And you can see the glass as half full or half empty. They got it on, had fun, he revealed some stuff afterwards that makes it sound complicated, she enjoyed the experience. She sounds a little over-excited, hence I suggest she steps back a little, doesn't read too much into it, considers what she's comfortable with, and honours that.
betterdeal Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 But the implications behind the words "cheated" and "cheating" are clear. OP chose those words specifically. Yes, they clearly show that she thinks of it as cheating, not that he is cheating. And she knows more about her situation than any of us. Indeed. Glad we're on the same page.
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