analystfromhell Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 My wife (see other threads by me for some details) and I are headed to MC for the first time tomorrow and while I should have asked a few days ago I figured I'd post and see what advice you all might have regarding this first appointment. I'm not expecting too much, just a "get to know us" type of thing but I'd like to be prepared in case it gets productive. I have a list of things I'd like to run through in my head but is it better just go to agendaless? Also, my wife has said she doesn't want this to become a time sink. I know, I know, more bad jojo. None the less, what is a good interval between sessions? I think at least once a week and maybe more is needed at least in the beginning, until we get on an even keel but is that too much? If things go on as they are I'm going to file in about 60 days so I want to make as much progress as possible to see if things can be saved. Thanks all...
Tech_E Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 Don't hold high expectations for MC. Personally I'd rather invest in a bottle of good whiskey, but then again I'm Irish.... All kidding aside just go in with no expectations and see where it goes. Don't expect miracles during the first session because there won't be any. One piece of advice I'd give is allow a cool down period after the session, especially if it gets intense. There is no need to discuss it right away, just allow it to sink in, and then crack that bottle.... Good luck on the MC.
sillysmart Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 My wife (see other threads by me for some details) and I are headed to MC for the first time tomorrow and while I should have asked a few days ago I figured I'd post and see what advice you all might have regarding this first appointment. I'm not expecting too much, just a "get to know us" type of thing but I'd like to be prepared in case it gets productive. I have a list of things I'd like to run through in my head but is it better just go to agendaless? Also, my wife has said she doesn't want this to become a time sink. I know, I know, more bad jojo. None the less, what is a good interval between sessions? I think at least once a week and maybe more is needed at least in the beginning, until we get on an even keel but is that too much? If things go on as they are I'm going to file in about 60 days so I want to make as much progress as possible to see if things can be saved. Thanks all... First, ask a few questions of the therapist. For example is the goal to save the marriage? Or is it to help you figure out if you want to save the marriage. A good marriage counselor will want a commitment from both of you that the goal is to commit to working on the marriage and to give it a period of time. They will give you homework. It is circular thought to think well i will see how things go and then I will decide if i want to stay. This attitude causes each party to stay on the outside looking in. Both parties have to get into the actual work of making it work, not just watching the other to change. New behavior, new attitudes, new commitments, feelings will follow. I hate to compare marriage to work but you do not go into a job thinking I will just kind of watch someone else do the duties of the job and then I will see if I want to do it. You have to perform to get paid. You have to respond to the task at hand. YOu don't wait for the coworker to take the lead do the work and then get paid...you have to work. It is the same. Do new things but also go back to doing the things that worked before. If there was infidelity then the counseling will be painful. Request that the sessions focus on that part of the time and the rest on doing the things to make things work. Otherwise you are back to outside the circle, reviewing why the infidelity happened and reviewing "if" the marriage should go on. Marriage counselors will often take your lead so If I was you I would set this expectation up front. Without the commitment to make it work in my opinion it won't work.
michelangelo Posted July 27, 2011 Posted July 27, 2011 If your wife's attitude is that it will be a time sink, that doesn't bode well. She's not committed to marriage counseling, i.e., attempting to fix whatever is wrong in your marriage. It won't do any good if the both of you are not on board in this effort.
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