I almost drove off the road cause I thought my life wasn't worth it

[Jimmy The Saint]

Hi my name is Kathy and I am a friend of Jimmy the saint. I am in a big bind here. my boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 years since high school. We have been having problems since day one. He doesn't want me going out with my friends, dress the way I like to dress, I can't even go to the beach cause he is afraid I will look at other guys. I have to put fake names in my cellphone, so my boyfriend doesn't know I have guy friends. We have broken up a few times, but I always go back to him because I am afraid to be wihtout him. When I was in Australia for a semster, my boyfriend got drunk and ran into a house and almost killed himself and the guy in the house. He called me up and blamed me the accident stating that if I was with him it would have never happened. In Australia we talked maybe 7 times, and during the last two months we didn't talk at all. I started seeing another guy, but when I came backwe started back up again. Things have gotton so bad becasue he moved in with his friend Beaver, they go to this redneck bar called the deerhead, and beaver always asks him to do coke with him. Kurt says he doesn't do it but who knows the truth. I started student teaching in Janurary, and teaching has been one living hell. My supervisor thins I don't have the work effrot to be a teacher, and she is considering I do an extra semester. I come into school crying all the time, and my luncj breaks are spent either fighting or talking with kurt in the bathroom. My parents hate him too, One night he came to my house at two in the morning with his friend, his friend was honking the horn and my boyftriend Kurt was screaming at the top of his luings. My father got so mad at him that he called the cops, and the cops herd of his name and asked if I wanted to put a restraining order on him. My dad told the police officer that it was my decision. Of course I couldn't do it. My parents have also told me many times that if I do end up marrying him that he is not getting a dime of their money. They will disown me and not support me one bit. My grandparents will take me out of their will as well. My friends Liz and Kate hjave these great boyfriends who treat them so well, I am jealous that I can't have a guy like that. My friends respond by well dump him and you will find somebody special. But I can't do it, I love him so much. My pictures in his room are on the wall one week and off the wall the next. I don't know if hes seeing other girls or what. Yesterday I stopped by at 6 in the morning to surprise him and when I walked in I saw a girl on the couch, and a three year old sleeping in his bed. When I confronfronted Kurt about it he stated "It was a friend of a friend, Her and her daughter and her boyftriend didn;t have a place to stay, so they stayed at my place. The funny thing was that the boyfriend was nowear in site, and the girls car was still in the driveway. He told me thjat the girl and her daughter were only staying for one night, but when my best friends sister drove by, we saw the same car in the driveway. I also recieved another phonecall from beavers brother girlfriend, saying she saw him in a jeep Charakee with another girl, who she didn't recognize. I am so confused. I love him so much, and I don't want to loose him. Last night I went out with my best friend and one of my other friends, we had a great time and I ended uo hooking up with my best friends boyfriends friends. If felt so right, but when I was driving home I started crying becasue I didn't want to loose Kurt. I have 1700 dollar credit card debt, and my boyfriend lost his licence for 2 years from crashing into a house, I just need somebody to take care of me and support me, but I am so afraid to give up Kurt. My boyfriend also got a job opertunity in Illonois and he wants to take it but he still wants to be with me. He said he needs a break to make sure hes not staying in NH for the worng reasons. We haven't talked in 7 days, I don't know were he is or who he is with, we were suppossed to go to a family gathering together but he hasn;t called me, I am just sitting around waiting for his phonecall. I love him so much but I really don't like having sex with him, I hate giving him blow jobs or making love with him, I pretent I am having sex with somebody else or I amke excuess not to do it, Sometimes I even think if I havw sex with him now I won't have to have sex with him later. When we hang out I drink so I can pass out and not fool around with him. But the thing is I DO LOVE HIM AND I DO WANT TO BE WITH HIM!!!!!!!!! Its just these sexual feelings come in phases sometime I will be all over him and sometimes he repulses me. Please help, I almost drove off the road because I thought my life wasn;t worth it.

[greenlantern]

I almost drove off the road cause I thought my life wasn't worth it Post: 1 | Quote:

 

Hi my name is Kathy and I am a friend of Jimmy the saint. I am in a big bind here.

 

my boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 years since high school. We have been having problems since day one. He doesn't want me going out with my friends, dress the way I like to dress, I can't even go to the beach cause he is afraid I will look at other guys. I have to put fake names in my cellphone, so my boyfriend doesn't know I have guy friends. We have broken up a few times, but I always go back to him because I am afraid to be wihtout him.

 

When I was in Australia for a semster, my boyfriend got drunk and ran into a house and almost killed himself and the guy in the house. He called me up and blamed me the accident stating that if I was with him it would have never happened. In Australia we talked maybe 7 times, and during the last two months we didn't talk at all. I started seeing another guy, but when I came backwe started back up again.

 

Things have gotton so bad becasue he moved in with his friend Beaver, they go to this redneck bar called the deerhead, and beaver always asks him to do coke with him. Kurt says he doesn't do it but who knows the truth. I started student teaching in Janurary, and teaching has been one living hell. My supervisor thins I don't have the work effrot to be a teacher, and she is considering I do an extra semester. I come into school crying all the time, and my luncj breaks are spent either fighting or talking with kurt in the bathroom.

 

My parents hate him too, One night he came to my house at two in the morning with his friend, his friend was honking the horn and my boyftriend Kurt was screaming at the top of his luings. My father got so mad at him that he called the cops, and the cops herd of his name and asked if I wanted to put a restraining order on him. My dad told the police officer that it was my decision. Of course I couldn't do it. My parents have also told me many times that if I do end up marrying him that he is not getting a dime of their money. They will disown me and not support me one bit. My grandparents will take me out of their will as well.

 

My friends Liz and Kate hjave these great boyfriends who treat them so well, I am jealous that I can't have a guy like that. My friends respond by well dump him and you will find somebody special. But I can't do it, I love him so much. My pictures in his room are on the wall one week and off the wall the next.

 

I don't know if hes seeing other girls or what. Yesterday I stopped by at 6 in the morning to surprise him and when I walked in I saw a girl on the couch, and a three year old sleeping in his bed. When I confronfronted Kurt about it he stated "It was a friend of a friend, Her and her daughter and her boyftriend didn;t have a place to stay, so they stayed at my place. The funny thing was that the boyfriend was nowear in site, and the girls car was still in the driveway. He told me thjat the girl and her daughter were only staying for one night, but when my best friends sister drove by, we saw the same car in the driveway.

 

I also recieved another phonecall from beavers brother girlfriend, saying she saw him in a jeep Charakee with another girl, who she didn't recognize. I am so confused. I love him so much, and I don't want to loose him.

 

Last night I went out with my best friend and one of my other friends, we had a great time and I ended uo hooking up with my best friends boyfriends friends. If felt so right, but when I was driving home I started crying becasue I didn't want to loose Kurt. I have 1700 dollar credit card debt, and my boyfriend lost his licence for 2 years from crashing into a house, I just need somebody to take care of me and support me, but I am so afraid to give up Kurt.

 

My boyfriend also got a job opertunity in Illonois and he wants to take it but he still wants to be with me. He said he needs a break to make sure hes not staying in NH for the worng reasons. We haven't talked in 7 days, I don't know were he is or who he is with, we were suppossed to go to a family gathering together but he hasn;t called me, I am just sitting around waiting for his phonecall.

 

I love him so much but I really don't like having sex with him, I hate giving him blow jobs or making love with him, I pretent I am having sex with somebody else or I amke excuess not to do it, Sometimes I even think if I havw sex with him now I won't have to have sex with him later. When we hang out I drink so I can pass out and not fool around with him.

 

But the thing is I DO LOVE HIM AND I DO WANT TO BE WITH HIM!!!!!!!!! Its just these sexual feelings come in phases sometime I will be all over him and sometimes he repulses me.

 

Please help, I almost drove off the road because I thought my life wasn;t worth it.

[gaia]

Kathy, you really need some professional help. Thinking your life is so worthless that you might as well end it is a serious state to be in and you need to confide in someone close to you right now. Maybe a close friend, your mum or a sister/brother. And they need to get you to see a doctor quickly. You may well be clinically depressed and that needs treating.

 

Kurt is no good for you. He treats you badly, has no respect for you and is probably cheating on you. Your insistence that you love him sounds like a fear of being without him rather than a desire to be with him. I don't know if this is right, but you sound to me like your self esteem is pretty low. Use the time away from him to do some serious thinking about what it is you get from this relationship. Balance that with the heartache he brings you.

 

I don't know what the problems at work are, but I'm absolutely sure that the state of things with Kurt and your depression cannot be helping. Poor concentration, lack of motivation and lack of energy are all symptoms of depression that may contribute to what others may see as a "bad" attitude. Go see a doctor and try and find someone at work that you can discuss things with. People are pretty understanding about depression - it's an illness, after all and a common one at that.

 

The problem with sex is probably an indicator that you are deep down very unhappy in your relationship with Kurt. Is there any more to it than that? If you had any experience of abuse as a child that could make things difficult too.

 

There is so much going on for you right now, what you probably don't need is a whole load of stuff to tackle at once. Put all the other decisions on hold and go and see your doctor and get checked for depression. This is almost certainly the single most important step. And please tell someone close how you are feeling as soon as you can.

 

All the best.

[niko1999]

First, where in NH do you live? I live in NH as well:) But back on subject. Read what you just wrote hun. Youre answer is in what you wrote, you know what you really want, your just afraid to do what you need to do. Youre relationship is very unhealthy, and it sounds like some of his craziness has worn off on you. First off, you need to get help, to get away from this guy, beucase is sounds as if you have aa lot of your problems based on him. Good luck to you, it will all work out for the best. You just need to take a deep breath, and plunge away. Let him take htat job, and never see him again. But go back and read waht you wrote, pretend it was someone else, and ask yourself what you would tell this person to do. Its hard, but you have to

[meanon]

Kathy, no man is worth driving off the road for. You don't need a man to make your life worthwhile. You are worth so much more than that. You feel this way because you are not well. Please do something about it straight away.

 

There are so many things you do not like about this guy but right now none of that matters because you need so much not to be alone. You won't always feel like this. I hope when you are well you will send him packing and find a man more worthy of your love. You found someone else before, you can do it again.

 

Take care.

[moimeme]

I love him so much

 

I'm sorry, but this isn't love. It's addiction, infatuation, or something unhealthy, but there is nothing to love about this man. Maybe sometimes you're hot for him, but that doesn't count.

 

You are allowing some guy to mistreat you. This is not him loving you. You deserve much, MUCH better.

 

Listen to gaia and get yourself some help to get out of this destructive relationship.