FeelingSmall Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 I've been seeing a man for roughly a year and it's been a strange and sometimes strained relationship. I constantly felt as if he was playing mind games (and indeed sometimes he was) Was always getting mixed signals, and generally felt like it wasn't going to end well. Well, we both have been on seperate vacations for the last 2 weeks and during the time didn't really communicate very much. It had given me ample time to really think about what I was getting out of the relationship. It's true that I really do love him but in the end I felt as if it wasn't really being reciprocated and I had decided to end things. Was RESOLVED to do so. I sent him an email telling him I had someone picking me up at the train station and not to worry about it, he said call as soon as I get home. I did so and he asked if he could come over, I was wary as it was late and I didn't particularly want him spending the night he insisted. He gets here and it was if he KNEW what was going through my head, because immediately he started in on telling me he loved me and that he was going to be moving in the beginning of sept. and how guilty he felt about all the things he's said and done the past couple of months... How long two weeks really was and how happy he was that I was back. You think I would be thrilled to hear these things... The problem is I don't trust him. Not in a sense that I think he's out boinking other girls, but I just feel like doing a complete 180' this way is strange. I even told him this and he didn't even get angry just insistant that he loved me. I'm really scared to have him move in here though. Can someone change their perspective on nearly EVERYTHING in a matter of two weeks? I will admit I have serious abandonment issues and one thing he told me before our vacations was that he was bored of the relationship. He had quickly rephrased that he was bored of his life here in the city and his job, not really me but the damage was done. I'm confused and wary. Why couldn't he have just acted like this from day 1??? He's pretty much told me he would give me WHATEVER I want. Told me all the things I've been wanting to hear for months and is just being incredible. Why the minute I decide to let go does he decide to hold on? I should add that I didn't tell him what my intentions were walking off that train. This wasn't a deal where I said it's over THEN he started promising me the moon. Although I think he sensed it. I don't know what to think.
sm1tten Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 It seems to me that if he was really having these thoughts he would have communicated some of them while you were on your separate vacations - something like "I've been thinking a lot about us..." Did he say anything like that to you? Did you have any indication that his feelings had changed? Did you say anything to him that might have indicated that yours were? To me it sounds like he was or became aware that you were possibly at the end of your rope and is now throwing out all the stops to get you to not leave him. I'd be wary too. He needs to show you through his actions that he is invested and committed; if you let him slide, he'll go right back to his old ways until you once again get fed up and he'll go through this song and dance routine again... and again... and again.
Author FeelingSmall Posted July 19, 2011 Author Posted July 19, 2011 Thanks Sm1tten - The only thing I said that may have tipped him off was the message telling him not to worry about picking me up, seeing as that was originally the plan. I am very wary, I've been feeling very guilty about it though. I'm guessing a serious discussion is in order because I don't want to coexist with him just to find out he's not really invested. I feel I should add that his vacation was a family wedding and I feel like there might have been a lot of pressure from his family for him to settle down too.
Feelsgoodman Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 I'm confused and wary. Why couldn't he have just acted like this from day 1??? He's pretty much told me he would give me WHATEVER I want. Told me all the things I've been wanting to hear for months and is just being incredible. Why the minute I decide to let go does he decide to hold on? I should add that I didn't tell him what my intentions were walking off that train. This wasn't a deal where I said it's over THEN he started promising me the moon. Although I think he sensed it. I don't know what to think. You are right, he could sense you pulling away, which is way he's all of a sudden so sweet and saying all the right things. My guess is that this guy still wants to butter your muffins, though he's not necessarily interested in a LTR.
Author FeelingSmall Posted July 19, 2011 Author Posted July 19, 2011 You are right, he could sense you pulling away, which is way he's all of a sudden so sweet and saying all the right things. My guess is that this guy still wants to butter your muffins, though he's not necessarily interested in a LTR. He's not really that hung up on sex but yes, that's a very real possibility. Also I'm using "butter your muffins" in the future. At least I got a laugh out of this. My theory no matter what is; If things look too good to be true, they probably are. This is one of those cases.
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