samm84 Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 My ex lives across the road from me, we each live with our parents. She decided to end the relationship a month and a half a go, after some flirting with other men and growing more distant from me. Eventually she cheated on me. We continued to keep contact after the relationship, simply because we live so close. I decided to go NC a week and a half ago, after I found out that she had started seeing another man. She was supposed to be at work today, but I just went outside to get something from my car and saw her and this new guy walk out of her house. I know she saw me and she knows that I saw her, but neither of us said anything to each other. I locked my car and went back inside, as they both climbed into her car and drove off. Bottom line, ITS CUT ME DEEP. How the hell am I supposed to get over her, while I'm forced to watch things like this? I work from home and have a deadline coming up, but now I can't focus.
ahoy Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 That's a crap situation, mate, sorry. All I can suggest is that whenever you see something ****ty like that, take 10-20 minutes to go for a jog. Ridiculous how much angst you can let go of just by hitting the pavement for a little bit. The added bonus is it might help you live a bit longer
Nohbody Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 Have you considered constructing a catapult to fill with flaming debris aimed at her house? Have you considered taking some kind of vacation or couch surfing with friends or otherwise removing yourself from the situation?
Trappedinyou Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 I am in an almost identical situation, in fact, it's the same as yours. I have only seen them together once in the past 6 weeks but he's here quite a lot Just found out he doesn't drive which I thought he did, and when he comes up he has a 2 hour train journey after work to get here which is £26 a pop. I have come to terms with a lot of it simply because I can't change it and reconcilliation is now out of the question. I posted in another thread that the cracks in their distance relationship are starting to show whish the dumpers mother confirmed to me today. The journey and the cost of it are taking its toll and she (the dumper) had his name tattooed on to her wrist on Friday and when he saw it on Sunday he hit the roof saying 'Don't think for one minute that I will be doing something that stupid for you'. Happy days. Get yourself someone new. I love this forum it lets us vent and we get some great words of support aamd wisdom here.
Author samm84 Posted July 19, 2011 Author Posted July 19, 2011 Thanks for the replies. Im a cycle fanatic and do about 20 or so miles every other day, which I started doing since my break up before this one... about 3 years ago. Exercise really does help a lot. I would love to go on holiday almost as much as building that catapult, but since I'm fresh out of University, I think that any money I manage to earn now will be going towards a new place to live! I guess this is a problem with no real answer, I think I'm just venting. I'm trying to look on a positive side to living so close, but I can't see one. Will having to witness every part of her moving on toughen me up? Or just mess me up?
Trappedinyou Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 Samm, you have to move on also and she will have to witness this in you. Any feelings she has for the new love will not yet be as deep as the feelings she had with you. We have to first accept the loss and then change things for ourselves. My ex saw a girlfriend come in here with me and went mental. I then told her yesterday that I was now seeing someone and she rushed home from work to cry to mummy that I can't love her if I'm seeing someone already. Jeez! she dumped me for this new bloke and has had him there from day minus 1. Mother in law said today 'She's made a big mistake and she can see it now'. Shame because 4 weeks ago I'd have sat down and hammered it out but not now.
Author samm84 Posted July 19, 2011 Author Posted July 19, 2011 Thanks for sharing, trappedinyou. You're right, relationships aren't black and white, and I know that he's probably just a rebound. I can admit that for the first month of breaking up, I handled things in completely the WRONG way. Now I keep telling myself that it shouldn't even matter whether he is a rebound, or the love of her life - I don't want to be back with her ever. Im jealous because of the honeymoon faze that he will share with her, that I really miss. Her house was my second home, and her family felt like my family, he's just invading my space. I have made steps in moving on. I'm not panicking anymore, but unfortunately it still doesn't help the pain. I hear stories of healed people still feeling bouts of depression whenever they see the same model car as their ex's drive by - they should try seeing their ex's car parked outside, with another man in it!
Trappedinyou Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 You are correct it doesn't matter now and we are not alone in the way we are feeling. I will do my healing right here opposite her and then I will move home, this is planned to be another area so no bumping into eachother and I doubt very much I'll see her again. Sure I'm still cut up but I'll repair soon enough.
Author samm84 Posted July 21, 2011 Author Posted July 21, 2011 (edited) Thanks trappedinyou, Im sure things will get better for both of us. I feel that I've made so much progress. I do miss her occasionally, but no where near as much as I did, I have even accepted that she is with this new man. I feel that I would be 70% recovered if it wasn't for the fact that she lives so close, everything outside my front door is an instant reminder of her. To be honest, I am scared of stepping out of my house, and I mean actually fearful. I live in a small town, so all of my friends socialize in similar circles to this new guy. Even going out in the evenings run the risk of seeing her at a bar. I have definitely never felt like this before! Edited July 21, 2011 by samm84
Author samm84 Posted July 24, 2011 Author Posted July 24, 2011 2 weeks of no contact so far. We bumped into each other while I was out with a few friends lastnight, gave her a quick hello and she did the same. Ive been patting myself on the back for going NC this long - to be honest, what other options do I have? Anyway, Ive just been outside and seen that this new guy's car is parked outside her house. Starting to feel pretty down again!
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