I really want to like her...

[JHS]

I have been dating a girl for 2 months now. I was acquainted with her through a friend and then we ran into each other and started dating. She is pretty, slender, intelligent, well educated, sensible, a good conversationalist, sharp, etc. I really can't say anything bad about her (maybe a small amount of B.O. which is totally fixable) but for some reason I am just not sexually attracted to her. I hate to say it but there is just nothing sexy about her to me. I can tell she likes me and wants me in that way but I am just not into it with her. She stayed over the other night and I just fell asleep next to her (I was very tired anyway). Waking up next to her didn't trigger anything either. Just not into her physically. I have kissed her a little and it wasn't horrible but I just was not motivated to do anything more.

 

A friend said she felt that way at first about her current BF about whom she is now crazy but it's just not happening with me & this girl. In a sense I want to like her but it's just not happening.

 

Thoughts? Similar experiences? Suggestions?

Edited July 19, 2011 by JHS

[make me believe]

End it. Why waste your time on somebody you're not sexually attracted to? It sounds like she's "good on paper" (pretty, smart, fun, etc), but the bottom line is sexual attraction/chemistry is important in relationships and it's not something that you can force if it isn't there.

[sm1tten]

I had this problem on a recent first date. He was good on paper, but this personality was a little off for me. But I couldn't muster up beyond a base physical attraction to him. He wasn't ugly but he was just not doing it for me. Between that and his personality I was not as interested as I wanted to be but it was an overall good enough first date that I let him kiss me goodnight. When we kissed, I didn't feel anything... and he wasn't a bad kisser. I kind of resolved to go on a second date with him anyway, just to be sure that it wasn't just a one-off thing. But in the meantime I went on a first date with someone I had instant sparks with... and that was kind of that.

 

Frankly, two months is too long to build that sort of thing. I don't know how many dates you went on but I wouldn't have gone beyond two or three if I felt that ambivalent.

[joshgosh]

I agree! You've got to end it. No sexual attraction is a NO NO.

Just imagine you have an arguement and break up for a little while. Would you miss her - sexually? Often that's the thing that brings people back together after they are mad with each other. Without that no hot make up sex.

Also you will find yourself checking out out other girls soon enough.

I just broke up with someone I work with.

Our relationship just sort of happened and I didn't ever find her attractive. We were together too long and I feel like I wasted my time.

[JHS]

Frankly, two months is too long to build that sort of thing. I don't know how many dates you went on but I wouldn't have gone beyond two or three if I felt that ambivalent.

I will say it was a casual 2 months, not an intense, all the time 2 months so it wasn't so bad for her or me. But she's dropping hints and I have to be honest with myself. Good on paper, that is exactly right.

 

Also you will find yourself checking out out other girls soon enough.

 

I did/do this.

 

You're all right. I have had some real nut jobs in the past and this girl is so not a nut job that my rational side is saying that I have to try. But when I see her I see kind of a boy almost. Weird. And worse, I was at dinner with two other couples and her friend next to me was a) really attractive to me and b) being friendlier than I think she should have been. Oy vey!

Edited July 19, 2011 by JHS

[JHS]

You could always give it a shot and if her well-meaning advice about how to handle your son gets to be too much, let things go silent from there. I had one friend who was *always* giving me advice, and I'd let it go in one ear, process it - decide if it really mattered to me - and let it go out the other ear. In the end, we had so much in common that her annoying little habit of always trying to tell me how to parent wasn't all that bad.

 

But some topics do touch a nerve with parents, and behavior and autism is definitely one of them! I know that *anybody*, from family to friends to random strangers, trying to tell me how to handle my son's behavior makes me twitchy.

 

Son? Autism? Am I missing something?

[Casablanca]

Yeah, be done with it....you have had plenty of time to decide if you like her...you dont

[catchthedrift]

I met this guy on a dating website once and we started going on dates but when he brought me to his house and I saw his roommate I knew I wanted his roommate!

And from then on I dated the roommate, who was sweet, nice, educated, goodlooking, well mannered, treated me with so much respect, but when it came to kissing or sex... I just didn't feel it at all.

Isn't it weird how sometimes we meet the perfect person but we aren't into them at all? WHY IS THAT?

I wouldn't ever sleep with him and he was really wondering why that was and I came up with excuses until I stopped seeing him so much and met someone else who I went head over heels for.

... The way it SHOULD be!

If she doesn't excite you, why would you wanna try to force it??

You don't want to hurt her feelings so better end it now before she gets even more into you.

This guy I was talking about hates me now, and it sucks, because I would like to be friends with him, since we got along so great.

So yeah, think about her feelings when making your decision, and better make it fast.

[serial muse]

This is interesting...makes me wonder if it really does just come down to pheromones. Sorry, OP, I don't have much insight, except to say that sometimes you just know that it's not right, and I don't think it helps to try to force it. It's kinder to break it off sooner rather than later, too.

[JHS]

I met this guy on a dating website once and we started going on dates but when he brought me to his house and I saw his roommate I knew I wanted his roommate!

And from then on I dated the roommate, who was sweet, nice, educated, goodlooking, well mannered, treated me with so much respect, but when it came to kissing or sex... I just didn't feel it at all.

Isn't it weird how sometimes we meet the perfect person but we aren't into them at all? WHY IS THAT?

I wouldn't ever sleep with him and he was really wondering why that was and I came up with excuses until I stopped seeing him so much and met someone else who I went head over heels for.

... The way it SHOULD be!

If she doesn't excite you, why would you wanna try to force it??

You don't want to hurt her feelings so better end it now before she gets even more into you.

This guy I was talking about hates me now, and it sucks, because I would like to be friends with him, since we got along so great.

So yeah, think about her feelings when making your decision, and better make it fast.

 

Interesting. The "Roommate Switch" I think he now hates you because you rejected him. Obviously he was into you. I am wondering how you broke up with him - did you just tell him that you weren't into him in that way? So much of dating seems like two ships passing in the night...

 

 

This is interesting...makes me wonder if it really does just come down to pheromones. Sorry, OP, I don't have much insight, except to say that sometimes you just know that it's not right, and I don't think it helps to try to force it. It's kinder to break it off sooner rather than later, too.

 

Thanks Muse, point taken. I learned about the pheromone attraction recently. I met someone through FB/friends and when we met I was totally smitten. But she went from a sweet kitten to a vicious, snarling (paranoid) tiger when that wore off. It was really weird. So that is why I have been trying to 'force' it with this one...but it just ain't there...

Edited July 20, 2011 by JHS