GivenUp0083 Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 So I've been using OKC for a while and I'm just not happy with my response rate and the number of "high percentage matches" that I haven't emailed is dwindling. I've done a lot of things to improve my profile, had many people give me the thumbs up on my pictures, and I know how to write a personal email. I'm just wondering if anyone has used both eHarmony AND OKC and seen better response rate. I know how they both work, but I'm just wondering if I'll be wasting my money with eHarmony as I think I tried it a long time ago and the only women that I was matched up with who communicated with me weighed 100 lbs more than I do. Have any men seen better success with eHarmony than other dating sites? I already know women have plenty of success on just about any dating site....
Star Gazer Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 The response rate is lower on eH because there are far fewer matches, given that you don't get to sort through a catalog of people but rather they are picked out for you and sent to you...sometimes a ton at once, sometimes one or two every other day. What I will say, is that if you're SERIOUS about finding a REAL relationship with someone who's equally relationship oriented, eH is the better route. You really do get what you pay for.
Dust Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 I believe you get what you pay for too. The thing is for a man internet dating is the cowards way out. For the most part I’m shocked every time internet dating works out for a guy. You’re likely to be turned down left and right compared to the same success rate if you chatted up that many women in the real world. The quality of women will be lowered to the point that it will be a pleasant relief to actually meet some one who is attractive. Go out into the real world and meet women. Get off the computer and spend the real time and money to meet some one. That means living life.
KathyM Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 So I've been using OKC for a while and I'm just not happy with my response rate and the number of "high percentage matches" that I haven't emailed is dwindling. I've done a lot of things to improve my profile, had many people give me the thumbs up on my pictures, and I know how to write a personal email. I'm just wondering if anyone has used both eHarmony AND OKC and seen better response rate. I know how they both work, but I'm just wondering if I'll be wasting my money with eHarmony as I think I tried it a long time ago and the only women that I was matched up with who communicated with me weighed 100 lbs more than I do. Have any men seen better success with eHarmony than other dating sites? I already know women have plenty of success on just about any dating site.... A friend of ours (who is a man) met a wonderful woman on Eharmony, and within a year, they were married. They've been married now for four years. And they are really well matched, so I think Eharmony is pretty good. My sister tried Match.com and PlentyofFish. She met plenty of men through that, but so far no one she'd want to have a long term relationship with.
Casablanca Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 I believe you get what you pay for too. The thing is for a man internet dating is the cowards way out. For the most part I’m shocked every time internet dating works out for a guy. You’re likely to be turned down left and right compared to the same success rate if you chatted up that many women in the real world. The quality of women will be lowered to the point that it will be a pleasant relief to actually meet some one who is attractive. Go out into the real world and meet women. Get off the computer and spend the real time and money to meet some one. That means living life. Rather harsh; why should one just limit themselves to the "real world" and not do online as well? I've done/do both; I have talked to and met a few quality women, only one turned into a relationship, but if it was the "coward's way out" there wouldnt be any attractive and quality females online
Author GivenUp0083 Posted July 19, 2011 Author Posted July 19, 2011 I believe you get what you pay for too. The thing is for a man internet dating is the cowards way out. For the most part I’m shocked every time internet dating works out for a guy. You’re likely to be turned down left and right compared to the same success rate if you chatted up that many women in the real world. The quality of women will be lowered to the point that it will be a pleasant relief to actually meet some one who is attractive. Go out into the real world and meet women. Get off the computer and spend the real time and money to meet some one. That means living life. I actually meet and ask out many women on a weekly basis, I just don't typically meet women who are looking for the same things as I am or I don't meet them in an ideal situation to ask them out (i.e. bars, parties, small groups of friends). I've gotten probably 5 numbers in the last month but none of them even responded to my call or text. But I'd like another option to pursue women, especially knowing they may be looking for the same thing and I know they're available. I live in a big city so I'm sure I'll have options, just debating whether or not it's worth paying for. For the record: I've had relationships result in the past from online dating. Thanks.
Dust Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 Rather harsh; why should one just limit themselves to the "real world" and not do online as well? I've done/do both; I have talked to and met a few quality women, only one turned into a relationship, but if it was the "coward's way out" there wouldnt be any attractive and quality females online My friend met his gf on craigslist. They seem to really like each other and I can only assume things are going splendidly. Does that make craigslist some how a great option for dating? I have friends who met their wives in bars. Does that make bars a great option for dating? My point is only internet dating shouldn’t be any kind of focus for a dating strategy. He should not pay for internet dating. He should not waste to much time or hope on internet dating. He should go out into the real world and meet women that way. That means when he’s out doing his errands like at the mall, bank, supermarket etc. That means getting out of the house and having fun like a single man should. Being part of activities. Going out to the beach and park. Stuff like that. You know doing the stuff he has listed in his interests. I mean even if he just has “reading” listed as an interest he can go to the library or a book store coffee house or what ever there are always attractive women there. Stay away from pay dating sites. Don’t rely on or in my opinion even use the free sites.
Author GivenUp0083 Posted July 19, 2011 Author Posted July 19, 2011 (edited) My friend met his gf on craigslist. They seem to really like each other and I can only assume things are going splendidly. Does that make craigslist some how a great option for dating? I have friends who met their wives in bars. Does that make bars a great option for dating? My point is only internet dating shouldn’t be any kind of focus for a dating strategy. He should not pay for internet dating. He should not waste to much time or hope on internet dating. He should go out into the real world and meet women that way. That means when he’s out doing his errands like at the mall, bank, supermarket etc. That means getting out of the house and having fun like a single man should. Being part of activities. Going out to the beach and park. Stuff like that. You know doing the stuff he has listed in his interests. I mean even if he just has “reading” listed as an interest he can go to the library or a book store coffee house or what ever there are always attractive women there. Stay away from pay dating sites. Don’t rely on or in my opinion even use the free sites. So you're one of those people that assumes because a guy has interest in online dating that he's an introverted hermit who doesn't get out and meet people? I live in Chicago man, I'm out ALL THE TIME. Maybe you don't know what it's like living in a big city, but people are always in "the zone". They're walking fast, they are always in a hurry, they have their ipod on, they wear their dark sunglasses so you can't make eye contact, they're on their cellphone, they're always with a group of friends, they're always busy. It's actually a lot harder to approach random people in a big city than you would think. I still do it, but it's not easy. Trying to approach women in a big city in daily routines of life is like trying to email women on a dating site where 90% of the women have taken down their profile. You assume a guy like myself who actually is active and does get out but has a busy schedule and doesn't have many opportunities to spend time lurking around supermarkets to hit on women doesn't get out of the house. You're wrong, and you're wasting space on this thread. This thread is asking for responses on people who have used multiple online dating sites and their thoughts on eHarmony in comparison. Edited July 19, 2011 by GivenUp0083
zengirl Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 I do not believe you "get what you pay for." I tried EH very briefly but saw no one I'd even go out with on there and the site had very few matches for me (it may go better if you're older and/or Christian). Match is better than EH, in my opinion, and I've still rarely had luck on there. I've been on loads of decent OKC dates and even found three BFs there. I think a lot of it depends on your age, geography, and general personality. A lot of women and men use OKC casually though, so there are plenty who never write anyone back. With women, I think it's harder to tell (because honestly a red dot means nothing---I write any man in my age range and area back at least to say "Thanks for the message, but I'm not interested" and it still has me at a red dot because old dudes, barely legal dudes, and guys from far, far away still message me even though my profile says I won't respond to anyone outside those parameters AND then there are the super creepy messages I leave unanswered), because they get so many messages. But you can see who updates their profile, adds and changes pictures, etc. If you're over 35 and interested in dating women close to or over that age range, I'd say EH might work, but I cannot imagine much success for anyone younger. I've had some older friends (guys) who had success on Match, but I've known far more people with success on OKC. Nerdy guys tend to do well on OKC, though (like my friends) whereas more mainstream guys maybe do better on Match. All the guys I know who've had online success on any paying site were the kind of guys who throw money around, though (salesman-y guys, if you know what I mean; not my type really, but I have lots of friends in advertising from back in the day). Most of the guys I've met who have success on OKC have never even written a girl! Go figure. They date girls like me, I guess. I wrote every guy I've ever dated off OKC first.
Dust Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 I actually meet and ask out many women on a weekly basis, I just don't typically meet women who are looking for the same things as I am or I don't meet them in an ideal situation to ask them out (i.e. bars, parties, small groups of friends). I've gotten probably 5 numbers in the last month but none of them even responded to my call or text. Well keep it up. I hope you are asking these women out instead of just getting their numbers though. You ask them out on a date and then they give you their number. Then you just call to confirm the date the day of or whatever. It sounds like you may be getting their numbers with out asking them out with later plans of asking them out on the phone. That’s a bad idea. They are likely to give their numbers out and flake because numbers mean nothing. You need to ask them out in person, that’s the cool way. Bars aren’t ideal but it can be fun to hit on women there, not to mention liquid courage makes things happen. Parties and small groups of friends are great places to meet women though so I’m not sure why you are knocking that. But I'd like another option to pursue women, especially knowing they may be looking for the same thing and I know they're available. I live in a big city so I'm sure I'll have options, just debating whether or not it's worth paying for. For the record: I've had relationships result in the past from online dating. Thanks. I wouldn’t pay. Seriously randomly msg women on facebook and you’ll probably have a better shot. Stick with OKC if you are under 30 or are after women under 30. Don’t rely on it. Consider randomly msging girls on your friends list on facebook. Maybe use craigslist. The real world though. That’s where its at. Don’t forget that. Internet dating turns looking for a gf into applying for a job. You have your resume which is your profile, your cover letter which is the message you have to right them. Just like jobs the women will never look at most resumes and throw the cover letter away. In the real world you get to put them on the spot. Even if they want to say no its awkward for them. They some times go out and get excited about a guy they would have out right rejected online. Not to mention you know you’re attracted to them.
Dust Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 So you're one of those people that assumes because a guy has interest in online dating that he's an introverted hermit who doesn't get out and meet people? I live in Chicago man, I'm out ALL THE TIME. Maybe you don't know what it's like living in a big city, but people are always in "the zone". They're walking fast, they are always in a hurry, they have their ipod on, they wear their dark sunglasses so you can't make eye contact, they're on their cellphone, they're always with a group of friends, they're always busy. It's actually a lot harder to approach random people in a big city than you would think. I still do it, but it's not easy. Trying to approach women in a big city in daily routines of life is like trying to email women on a dating site where 90% of the women have taken down their profile. You assume a guy like myself who actually is active and does get out but has a busy schedule and doesn't have many opportunities to spend time lurking around supermarkets to hit on women doesn't get out of the house. You're wrong, and you're wasting space on this thread. This thread is asking for responses on people who have used multiple online dating sites and their thoughts on eHarmony in comparison. Dude I lived in NYC enough excuses. Bottom line if you’re looking for women 30+ use EH. If you want good looking women who make your dick throb go out in the real world. I’ve been to Chicago and its full of Midwestern idiots. Would be like shooting fish in a barrel for me and you if you tried. But your ID is “given up.”
Star Gazer Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 I do not believe you "get what you pay for." I tried EH very briefly but saw no one I'd even go out with on there and the site had very few matches for me (it may go better if you're older and/or Christian). Match is better than EH, in my opinion, and I've still rarely had luck on there. I've been on loads of decent OKC dates and even found three BFs there. I think a lot of it depends on your age, geography, and general personality. And yet, they didn't last, so you kept going back. I think that speaks volumes to the general mindset of the people on that site.
zengirl Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 And yet, they didn't last, so you kept going back. I think that speaks volumes to the general mindset of the people on that site. That's what you do when a relationship doesn't last. One of them is my current relationship, and I've no idea if it will last or not. If it doesn't, I will once again move on because that's the only healthy way to deal with a breakup. If you're only looking to date someone who's never moved on after a breakup. . . well, that dating pool is fairly slim once you reach a certain age. All three of the relationships I've had from OKC were more good than bad, generally positive and productive for me as a person, and serious in nature. Which is good enough for me. If you want a site guaranteed to set you up with your terminal partner (marriage, whatever), you'll be looking for awhile. *The three BFs I've found there were over a period of several years. And I'm still friends with a lot of the men I met off of OKC (no chemistry, etc) who I never really dated. Most dates won't lead to relationships and most relationships won't last. Not sure why continually trying and moving towards your goal is a bad thing. But yes, if you want people who don't like dating new people when they're single because they once weren't single, I'd stay away from OKC (and every other dating site and dating in general).
sm1tten Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 I have tried eHarmony, OKC, POF, and Match at various times, as well as one local newspaper (if you're in Chicago, you could try the Reader. It's not exactly free but I met my last long-term boyfriend off of there.) EH - I was getting some really off matches. Men who were out of my age range, had children, were divorced, religious... all things I flagged. I didn't even make it out of the free trial period. OKC - I had some short term dating experiences off of here. The longest was 4 months. I found that although I got along with the men just fine, none of them were really LTR potential. POF - More like dragging the bottom of the sea. I never went on any dates from here. I wasn't attracted to any of the men messaging me. Match - I met my current boyfriend here. (I was actually on the free trial.) More relationship minded men, on the average, but I also got a lot of hookup requests and once a man emailed to ask if I wanted a sugar daddy. Bottom line, I don't really believe that you always get what you pay for. You think, a man wouldn't shell out this kind of money to just randomly dip his wick, but these men do exist... to them, spending 40 dollars a month to have access to this kind of roster is a good investment. I know these men exist because they've happened to my friends. Just like there are women on those sites who are looking for someone to take care of them/string along and that sort of thing. Just because you are paying doesn't mean that your intentions are more serious. It means that your willingness to invest financially is higher than others. The only thing that makes me think EH might have more relationship-minded men is that you have to go through that long-assed questionnaire first and I imagine that would put some off.
zengirl Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 As a side note: The few dates I had off of Match not that long ago, one (my worst date in recent years) was a guy who was on OKC and who I'd never go out with had he messaged me on there (our % was in the 40s). Are there really that many people on Match and EH under 40 who don't first try OKC? Why wouldn't they be on both since one is free? (Any thoughts on this? I'm really curious.)
sm1tten Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 That actually reminds me - I went on a first date with someone from OKC that I had straight 0%s with. I didn't even know that was possible.
thatone Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 pretty sure that if they fill out none of the questions it shows straight zeroes due to lack of information for their system to work on. eharmony looked like a scam to me. really expensive and lots of barriers to nickel and dime you along the way. match seems to be heading in the same direction trying to emulate them. from a man's perspective, OKC has the better format, and i had better luck on OKC than on the other sites.
manders_01 Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 As a side note: The few dates I had off of Match not that long ago, one (my worst date in recent years) was a guy who was on OKC and who I'd never go out with had he messaged me on there (our % was in the 40s). Are there really that many people on Match and EH under 40 who don't first try OKC? Why wouldn't they be on both since one is free? (Any thoughts on this? I'm really curious.) I didn't know about OKC until a friend recommended it. I don't see a lot of advertising for it. So it's possible there are still people in the online dating world that don't know about it.
Recommended Posts