BrokenFool Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 Can anyone give me their opinion on this Boy and Girl break up Jan 11 - Initiated by her Apart from 1 week in March NC calls texts emails from boy ignored by girl , told to move on, i dont love you anymore etc Girl deletes whatsapp from phone boy checks on regular basis , girl not logged on , app deleted After the 1 week breaking of NC by boy on April 26 boy receives 7 private number calls in the morning (probably her but boy does not respond) a few weeks later out of curiosity boy checks whatsapp and sees that girl has the app reloaded back on her phone again boy wonders is the girl using this app to chat to her new boyfriend she told me she had so he logs on and waits to see how much shes using the app and this is what he finds girl logs on first thing in the morning and approx every 2 hours from then give or take 10-15 mins each log on is ALWAYS for 5 mins to the point where as soon as girl comes online boy can predict what time she is gonna go offline boy checks with whatsapp people and they say once you have exited the application it takes 5-7 minutes for the status to update from online to last seen at x time which means her log ons are less than ten seconds - not long enough to have a conversation with anybody or send or receive a message and if she was chatting to somebody surely their would be ONE case where she would log off and then either him or her forget to say something and message again and she would have to log on again to read the message now boy is blocked on her whatsapp so from his whatsapp he cannot see her online or when her last login was ( using mates phone to check) girl isnt blocked because boy is not that petty so from 25th June boy stops logging on to his whatsapp and now if girl was to check it says brokenfool last seen at 25/06/11 at 22.02 but girl is still logging on everyday first thing in the morning and last thing at night and inbetween every 2 hours now throw in some private number calls to me , private profiles checking my linkedin profile out and girl changing her facebook profile pics on a regular basis to pics i liked Question WHY is she logging on to whatsapp like that and so frequently ?
Janesays Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 Does it matter? My suggestion is to quit E-stalking her and let her live her life.
Author BrokenFool Posted July 19, 2011 Author Posted July 19, 2011 People dont really come on here to be shot down by people like you if you dont have anything constructive to say then dont say anything for your information i havent contacted her in 16 weeks not even 1 thing ive done to her with whatsapp and with a hope we may be able to get back together and fix things im curious as to whether her log ons indicate she is missing me and checking up on me
Janesays Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 People dont really come on here to be shot down by people like you if you dont have anything constructive to say then dont say anything for your information i havent contacted her in 16 weeks not even 1 thing ive done to her with whatsapp and with a hope we may be able to get back together and fix things im curious as to whether her log ons indicate she is missing me and checking up on me Honestly? Probably not. That's why my suggestion is to put her out of your mind and move one with your life. If you keep obsessively watching her every move on some silly app, you are not doing this. This is the most constructive advice I can give, but you probably won't take it. Instead, you want to hear that she's secretly pining for you and wants you back. Guess what? She doesn't. Time to move on, buddy.
Author BrokenFool Posted July 19, 2011 Author Posted July 19, 2011 I have moved on maybe not as fast emotionally as i would have hoped however you dont go out with somebody for 3 years love them and just be able to get over them so fast im under no illusion shes not sat there pining over me otherwise she would have contacted me but trying to figure out her log ons which may mean she is checking up to see if im ok is a little something but means something to me at least i would feel i meant something to her
Janesays Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 I'm sorry, I wish I could say she was checking up on you or cared about you, but it's highly highly unlikely. If she cared, she would call. Period. It hurts, but I would strongly suggest you getting rid of that app off your phone and moving on completely with your life.
thelovingkind Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 you dont go out with somebody for 3 years love them and just be able to get over them so fast Thousands of posts on this forum - new ones arriving every day - suggest otherwise. Happens all the time.
Sebstian Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 (edited) To me it sounds like she could be checking up on you and may even be in love with you still. But it might as well be the case that she's checking up on the guy she left you for and uses the pictures she knows a guy find attractive (because you told her so). Women almost always have a rebound when breaking up with their bf. This is because she has been thinking about breaking up long before she pulled the trigger and was ready for a new one when you had no clue. That's also why it can seem like an ex got over you in a day. They didn't, they went through all of that before pulling the trigger. A new guy is often the drop making the cup spill over, validating her feelings that she should end things, which she does. Both because she wants to, but also because she feels bad about cheating. These new relationships often don't last as she's mentally not ready, so the new guy moves along. So it could well be that she's recently been dumped and is stalking him now. Who knows, but if you want to get her back you should pick up your phone and find out and give her a chance to try and get you back. I would say that if she indeed is checking up on you that much it doesn't smell of friend zone. Then her interest would merely be to get relief for her bad conscience and keep you as somebody who knows her well, usually supports her etc. One last thing is that this could all be down to coding bugs in the app. Skype sometimes lists people as online when they're not and visa versa. Even Facebook deletes friends at it's own will, only to re-add them a day or two later (without any "is now friends with" notifications). Or the number of friends stated doesn't always match how many are displayed in the list (I know this because I fb stalked my ex and everyone she was friends with... and their friends too.... didn't do my self esteem any good let me tell you!!!). If you're not interested, keep NC for as long as you need. You don't owe her anything after her leaving you, so it's all up to you. Good luck my friend, /Sebastian Edited July 19, 2011 by Sebstian
Nadine22 Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 I'm gong to have to say she's checking up. Some times people get stuck when a relationship has been on off for a long period of time. All the signs including private calls etc...point to her. Thats just what I think. I'm a female and was also in an on off relationship for over 3 years...I did most of the breaking up. I wasn't as bad as what this girl "appears to be" because I am making an assumption here...but I did some of these things. I think she's afraid of "direct" contact in case she gets some of what shes dished out back. Eventually, I think she will make some exuse or some contact if you don't. I know this sounds like alot of assumptions...I"m not saying anything about all of this is healthy but I'm saying people can get stuck in the push pull effect of a relationship that is on and off for a long period of time. Do Not Contact Her - continue to try your very best to move forward in your own life. my prediction is that she will find some exuse...etc and make some kind of direct contact at some point because you do not appear to be chasing her anymore. Do Not Contact Her
Nadine22 Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 I'm sorry, I wish I could say she was checking up on you or cared about you, but it's highly highly unlikely. If she cared, she would call. Period. It hurts, but I would strongly suggest you getting rid of that app off your phone and moving on completely with your life. I disagree...you could be right...I doubt it. Doesn't explain the private calls to him etc...put that all together and...shes indirectly checking. I"m not proud to admit it...but I just did a private call hang up to my ex last week. I have dumped him like 10 times or more over a 3 year period. I'm not proud and I don't cyber stalk because I can't lol..he's not on anything lol...but let me tell you. I would if I had the option. I had the upper hand in the relatoinship most of the time. I broke up over and over...but I still wanted him after I thought he was gone. I was stuck. Its not healthy and the affect of on off relationship creates some addictive behavior that does not make alot of sense. Please don't use my example to judge either lol...who cares about my case lol...I'm just saying that sometimes people want to make a decision a firm one...but for whatever reason have a hard time letting go.
Author BrokenFool Posted July 19, 2011 Author Posted July 19, 2011 Thanks for your reply let me give you some more info We both used to have blackberrys and used to talk on Blackberry Messenger I then upgraded onto a iphone and she downloaded whatsapp JUST so we could message each other like we used to she deleted the app after we broke up and blocked me from whatsapp ( after i kept saying to her if you dont love me then go on block me on whatsapp, after saying it 100 times she did it) so she might not necesarrily know that i am looking at her whatsapp on my brothers whatsapp im ashamed to say in one way that i have been so so curious about this that i have been monitoring her whatsapp for TWO MONTHS and in every one of the times ive monitored her not one time that she logged on has been longer than 5 mins , NOT ONCE and the log ons have always been 2 hours apart now the guy that she started chatting to more after leaving me isnt on whatsapp and they both chat on bbm Sebastian i know what your saying and believe me i respect your opinion, i love this girl so much and want nothing more than for things to be fixed between us but all htroughout the relationship i made the first moves i cant be the one to make the first move this time i have to let her show me for once shes had time away thought about things and misses me and wants me thats why i cant contact her direct shes making little moves to try get me to contact her because i have never gone this long without contacting her 16 weeks NC and also because of the way she was with me she maybe is scared that i wont talk to her im broken inside caught between a rock and a hard place if i contact her and shes not receptive it will hurt if i dont contact her and in the end she takes my silence to mean i dont love her i lose again i wish life could be easy but nothing comes with a manual
Author BrokenFool Posted July 19, 2011 Author Posted July 19, 2011 I'm gong to have to say she's checking up. Some times people get stuck when a relationship has been on off for a long period of time. All the signs including private calls etc...point to her. Thats just what I think. I'm a female and was also in an on off relationship for over 3 years...I did most of the breaking up. I wasn't as bad as what this girl "appears to be" because I am making an assumption here...but I did some of these things. I think she's afraid of "direct" contact in case she gets some of what shes dished out back. Eventually, I think she will make some exuse or some contact if you don't. I know this sounds like alot of assumptions...I"m not saying anything about all of this is healthy but I'm saying people can get stuck in the push pull effect of a relationship that is on and off for a long period of time. Do Not Contact Her - continue to try your very best to move forward in your own life. my prediction is that she will find some exuse...etc and make some kind of direct contact at some point because you do not appear to be chasing her anymore. Do Not Contact Her Thanks for your kind words Nadine, I feel exactly what you are saying, she blocked me from facebook so if she didnt want me knowing anything about her why put up pics of her new baby niece as her profile pic unblock me then block me ?? she wanted me to see the pics and maybe send a congrats message, something i would have done in the past, she knows me inside out and knows that i would be checking, after that weve had a few more main profile pic changes and a few weeks ago when i was in barcelona for 5 days phone switched off she had deleted her facebook profile ( something she had never done in the 3 years we were together and loves facebook) that didnt get a reaction so she put it back on after 5 days one time after breaking up with me and i disappeared for 2 weeks she invented a story about a long lost relative dying and her being upset as a reason to contact me so i know shes scared what if i dont want to talk to her after the way she behaved with me , shes really stubborn aswell the truth is nobody knows im not saying shes made a massive mistake loves me like crazy etc if shes with somebody who makes her happy im truly happy for her because love isnt selfish its selfless , if somebody else can make my princess happy thats what i want for her im just using logic to try work out this stuff and i think their is still something their in her heart whether thats love for me curiosity or regret at how she ended things with me god only knows may we all find that one who will love us EXACTLY like we love them cos when that doesnt happen it hurts i would take any physical pain everyday , emotional pain kills
Nadine22 Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 Don't contact her broken. listen to me. don't. Look I can tell you that as far as I know my ex deleted his Facebook profile a long time ago...but I have mine and I have left it open to the public on purpose lol...because I just know he will check it. Its sick ...I know...lol...but I have been pretending to be happy lol...its sickkkkkkkkkkk. remember I have dumped this guy over 10 times at least and he always took me back. I still love him. I have done these dumb things hoping he won't forget me. When I brake up I mean it...but then I start to miss him and get stuck which is why I kept getting back with him. But when you keep breaking up you always wonder - have I really done it this time~! is this the time of no return. Shes scared if she contacts you directly after everything shes done that this might be the one time you say - sorry honey. Goodbye. Look...if you want to end the cycle...Dont contact her under any any circumstance. She has to believe you are at the point of being completly fed up and done. If she believes this when she does make some exuse or pretend she dialed your number accidentally or something - it will be to test the waters. Be receptive but indifferant. Make her work at coming back and don't let her right back in. She needs to see a change in your boundaries around what you will and will not except now. Your not going to let her come and go anymore. Take it slow...I'll talk to you more in future broken...cause I have to go to work now.
Author BrokenFool Posted July 19, 2011 Author Posted July 19, 2011 Thanks Nadine I really appreciate your support she has done this to me ever since the relationship started , over a hundred times and 90% of the time I have been the one to say can we get back together the times she has come back of her own accord she has never directly said look i made a mistake thats why i think she doesnt give a hoot about me and i wont hear from her again last time i spoke to her was jan 4th nc 16 weeks i really think shes done with me and it hurts
Graceful Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 she has done this to me ever since the relationship started , over a hundred times and 90% of the time I have been the one to say can we get back together the times she has come back of her own accord she has never directly said look i made a mistake thats why i think she doesnt give a hoot about me and i wont hear from her again last time i spoke to her was jan 4th nc 16 weeks i really think shes done with me and it hurts Hey Broken, See, you really do know that despite what she might be thinking or feeling, it really doesn't matter anymore, now does it? Just b/c she checks, or looks, or appears to be stalking, none of it matters. It's just the product of a bored individual who is trying to push your buttons, just like she did for the better part of 3 years. But you know better, and that's why I am proud of you right now. Pain is pain, and disappointment is disappointment. This too shall pass. But cruel, manipulative, controlling, abusive, mean-spirited, untrustworthy, uncaring, unloving, tedious, acrimonious, frustrating behavior does not change, the dynamic does not change. It's just dysfunctional, you know. Who lives like that? Not a nice guy like you. You should be with a completely honest and caring loving woman who wants you for YOU, just the way you are. Not trying to manipulate you into believing you are "less than" because you can't produce a rabbit out of a hat or something. We all have a limited number of days on this earth, you know. You think b/c you are young, it will last forever. Well, it won't. So why waste it? You said so yourself, maybe this woman was finally banished from your life because God was watching out for you and made it possible for you to keep NC to protect yourself once and for all. Spend your time in uplifting, joyous, nourishing ways. Isn't that what you deserve already? You're out of the emotional quicksand. Keep NC. I know you can do it.
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