zengirl Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 When someone you've been dating for over a month (but aren't exclusive) doesn't contact you for 4 days, which is unusual, and then eventually breaks radio silence and makes an excuse about being busy, is it ever worth calling them out on their lame excuse? I'm guessing the real reason is that she's just not that into me and, unfortunately, absence is definitely not making the heart grow fonder for me either. A couple of good dates could completely turn this back around, but I'm not holding my breath at this point. Glad she seemingly had a good reason. I'd say 4 days is a bit long at a month, BUT a lot of girls I know will never text FIRST before they are exclusive (I'm not saying I agree with this policy --- only that it exists) so it can also be sometimes that a gal is perhaps waiting on you to text her. And besides that, when my current BF (who is by far the most communicative and text-happy BF I've had in years) and I first started dating, he'd not text me or call me for days at a time and drive me a bit batty. So, in early times, I don't really think a few days lag is that big of a deal or sign of what is to come. I'd much rather have communication lag in the beginning and then increase than the inverse happen---communication be constant in the beginning and then "settle" in.
Author oaks Posted July 22, 2011 Author Posted July 22, 2011 i'm with carhill. there is no excuse that will hold water. it takes 30 seconds to explain in a text or leave a voice mail. claiming to be too busy to communicate is a lie, there's no way to turn it into anything else. I don't think she was literally saying that she was so busy as to be incapable of contacting me for the entire duration when she was out of contact. More like she was busy enough with something unexpected that someone she's merely non-exclusively dating wasn't high enough up her list of priorities to be contacted. That's not great in itself, but when she explained what the thing was that was keeping her busy I was happy to take her word for it, and I thought it sounded reasonable. I don't think any lie or deception took place although it would, of course, have been nice to have been higher up her list of people to talk to! Anyway... the ball was clearly in her court regarding the future... and she's now asked me out on a date. Turns out I'm free on that particular day, so I accepted.
carhill Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 Happy to read that her personal situation has resolved and you'll be getting together. Please post a progress report in this thread.
Imajerk17 Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 She probably went on a date during that four-day period, which as you aren't exclusive, is her prerogative. EDIT: saw your update. Cool!
Author oaks Posted July 22, 2011 Author Posted July 22, 2011 She probably went on a date during that four-day period, which as you aren't exclusive, is her prerogative. It's possible. I'm chatting online with another girl right now.
KathyM Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 When someone you've been dating for over a month (but aren't exclusive) doesn't contact you for 4 days, which is unusual, and then eventually breaks radio silence and makes an excuse about being busy, is it ever worth calling them out on their lame excuse? I'm guessing the real reason is that she's just not that into me and, unfortunately, absence is definitely not making the heart grow fonder for me either. A couple of good dates could completely turn this back around, but I'm not holding my breath at this point. By no means should you call them out on this 4 day silence. 4 days is nothing in a one month old non-exclusive relationship. If you start giving her a hard time about that, she's going to think you're too controlling and needy. Way too early to be making any demands or complaints. You'll drive her away if you make an issue about this.
Author oaks Posted July 24, 2011 Author Posted July 24, 2011 Smh. Why don't you guys meet women in real life? I do, thanks, although I also use online dating sites to meet women. Not sure which other guys you were directing that at.
PhillyDude Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 By no means should you call them out on this 4 day silence. 4 days is nothing in a one month old non-exclusive relationship. If you start giving her a hard time about that, she's going to think you're too controlling and needy. Way too early to be making any demands or complaints. You'll drive her away if you make an issue about this. And that's been the main reason why I never succeeded with lots of girls because I always got bent out of shape when She clicked over to answer another call Wasn't available for 2 or more days Didn't call back when she said she would
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