zengirl Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 You consider it long term NOW, because you're in it. If it were to end tomorrow, a year or two or five from now you wouldn't say it was a LTR. I still consider one 6 month relationship a LTR, even almost 5 years later (in fact, I consider it my first major LTR despite having longer relationships before it---my HS sweetheart, with whom I was simply a different person, and my college BF, with whom I was never serious, both were several years in length, and yet the 6 month relationship I had immediately after college was more a partnership and LTR than either of those) and many people do. I think tigress had a point that the definition of LTR is more about mindset than anything else. Time factors in, sure, but it's not the defining factor to me.
Stung Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 I look back on my several six-month and one-year relationships, and while I consider some of them serious, I don't really consider them long-term. I do consider the couple of two+ year relationships I had as both serious and long-term. In my head, at least, the two qualifiers are not synonymous.
tigressA Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 I still consider one 6 month relationship a LTR, even almost 5 years later (in fact, I consider it my first major LTR despite having longer relationships before it---my HS sweetheart, with whom I was simply a different person, and my college BF, with whom I was never serious, both were several years in length, and yet the 6 month relationship I had immediately after college was more a partnership and LTR than either of those) and many people do. I think tigress had a point that the definition of LTR is more about mindset than anything else. Time factors in, sure, but it's not the defining factor to me. Thank you, Zengirl. This is my second-longest R as well as my most serious by far. So I will consider it a LTR whether it ends tomorrow or 50 years from now.
Star Gazer Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 I still consider one 6 month relationship a LTR, even almost 5 years later (in fact, I consider it my first major LTR despite having longer relationships before it---my HS sweetheart, with whom I was simply a different person, and my college BF, with whom I was never serious, both were several years in length, and yet the 6 month relationship I had immediately after college was more a partnership and LTR than either of those) and many people do. I think tigress had a point that the definition of LTR is more about mindset than anything else. Time factors in, sure, but it's not the defining factor to me. You and Tigressa are clearly in the majority, both in the incredibly short duration that you consider a LTR, as well as reliance on mindset over, well, the actual "term" (aka length) of the relationship. From the first-fifth dates with my last beau, I was "certain" (hahaha!) that he was "The One." The relationship lasted all of 2 months or so. Do you think that it was long-term relationship given that my mindset at the time was that it was going to last forever?
HeavenOrHell Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 No, your mindset doesn't make it a LTR, the length of time you've been together does, in terms of years. To me it's irrelevant how much time you spend together in that time. Some LDR's will only see each other twice a year to begin with, but they're still in a LTR if they reach the 1 1/2 to 2 year mark. Being in an LDR can mean a much tougher r/ship, a test of your love for each other, so 2 years is going to *feel* like more than 2 years I'm in an LDR, we see each other every 2 months roughly, if we reach the 2 year mark then I'll consider us a LTR. We felt committed to each other early on, but this doesn't mean I called it an LTR after 2 months or something, we just both *wanted* it to be long term and had those intentions. We've been a couple since April last year. You and Tigressa are clearly in the majority, both in the incredibly short duration that you consider a LTR, as well as reliance on mindset over, well, the actual "term" (aka length) of the relationship. From the first-fifth dates with my last beau, I was "certain" (hahaha!) that he was "The One." The relationship lasted all of 2 months or so. Do you think that it was long-term relationship given that my mindset at the time was that it was going to last forever?
Els Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 I would say a year to two. It really depends - I consider mine to be an LTR when we have gone through troubles together and gotten out of honeymoon phase and are still left standing.
denise_xo Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 I consider mine to be an LTR when we have gone through troubles together and gotten out of honeymoon phase and are still left standing. That's a good baseline, I second that.
Kamille Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 I don't understand why the title matters ES. Are you looking for outside indicators that you're as capable as the next person when it comes to having a relationship? You know, length does not a healthy relationship make. Attitude does. So the question isn't how long can you stick it out, but how well are you managing the ups and down of a relationship.
zengirl Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 You and Tigressa are clearly in the majority, both in the incredibly short duration that you consider a LTR, as well as reliance on mindset over, well, the actual "term" (aka length) of the relationship. From the first-fifth dates with my last beau, I was "certain" (hahaha!) that he was "The One." The relationship lasted all of 2 months or so. Do you think that it was long-term relationship given that my mindset at the time was that it was going to last forever? What does "forever" or "The One" have to do with a LTR? I do think a LTR needs a certain amount of time (2 months wouldn't do it for me) but simply that it's not purely about time. You get to things faster in some relationships than others, particularly you get to realness faster in a relationship once you know yourself. I don't think it's simply about your mindset at the time, but the mindset at which both people approach the relationship during and after the relationship. To me, a LTR is a relationship where it was a partnership, where it changed both partners and mattered to them, and which lasted a reasonable amount of time (hence why I said 6 months sounds about right---half a year is nothing to sneeze at and quite enough time to figure out who a person is; to me, it's pointless to spend years in a relationship that doesn't turn into something forever/marriage-type thing, particularly once you know yourself and date people who know themselves as well). The relationship I mentioned is a LTR because we both saw it that way, still do, and it was defining for us both.
vsmini Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 I don't understand why the title matters ES. Are you looking for outside indicators that you're as capable as the next person when it comes to having a relationship? You know, length does not a healthy relationship make. Attitude does. So the question isn't how long can you stick it out, but how well are you managing the ups and down of a relationship. Nailed it.
Star Gazer Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 I don't understand why the title matters ES. Are you looking for outside indicators that you're as capable as the next person when it comes to having a relationship? You know, length does not a healthy relationship make. Attitude does. So the question isn't how long can you stick it out, but how well are you managing the ups and down of a relationship. This is what I was trying to say earlier in the thread, that she's somehow trying to prove that she's capable. I do wonder how she answers questions about her past. Before this relationship, she'd never had a relationship longer than 2 months and had never been in love (I still don't think she is, but that's for another thread), and at her age, I'm sure if she admitted that to a guy who was seeking someone capable of a healthy relationship, they'd be concerned. I know I would if in one of those guy's shoes.
zengirl Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 This is what I was trying to say earlier in the thread, that she's somehow trying to prove that she's capable. I do wonder how she answers questions about her past. Before this relationship, she'd never had a relationship longer than 2 months and had never been in love (I still don't think she is, but that's for another thread), and at her age, I'm sure if she admitted that to a guy who was seeking someone capable of a healthy relationship, they'd be concerned. I know I would if in one of those guy's shoes. You know, I think this is honestly something women care about more than men. So I wouldn't be too worried about that if I were ES. Her bigger problem is the reason she's not had long relationships.
Star Gazer Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 What does "forever" or "The One" have to do with a LTR? I do think a LTR needs a certain amount of time (2 months wouldn't do it for me) but simply that it's not purely about time. You get to things faster in some relationships than others, particularly you get to realness faster in a relationship once you know yourself. I don't think it's simply about your mindset at the time, but the mindset at which both people approach the relationship during and after the relationship. To me, a LTR is a relationship where it was a partnership, where it changed both partners and mattered to them, and which lasted a reasonable amount of time (hence why I said 6 months sounds about right---half a year is nothing to sneeze at and quite enough time to figure out who a person is; to me, it's pointless to spend years in a relationship that doesn't turn into something forever/marriage-type thing, particularly once you know yourself and date people who know themselves as well). The relationship I mentioned is a LTR because we both saw it that way, still do, and it was defining for us both. Again, I don't think mindset (yours or your SOs) is relevant to the determination of whether your relationship is long TERM. Whether a "term" is short or long involves a length of time, NOT ones mindset. Most of the others in this thread are all pointing to significant, not reasonable, periods of time: a year or longer, closer to two. That's a long time, and thus long-term. That's not to say that a 6 month relationship can't be serious or very meaningful ("change you"), because it certainly can. But 6 months in TERM or length of time is a mere drop in the bucket and not long-term. Agree to disagree.
zengirl Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 Again, I don't think mindset (yours or your SOs) is relevant to the determination of whether your relationship is long TERM. Whether a "term" is short or long involves a length of time, NOT ones mindset. Most of the others in this thread are all pointing to significant, not reasonable, periods of time: a year or longer, closer to two. That's a long time, and thus long-term. That's not to say that a 6 month relationship can't be serious or very meaningful ("change you"), because it certainly can. But 6 months in TERM or length of time is a mere drop in the bucket and not long-term. Agree to disagree. To me, the meaningful nature makes it "long term" as the effects of the relationship are lasting.
Star Gazer Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 You know, I think this is honestly something women care about more than men. So I wouldn't be too worried about that if I were ES. Her bigger problem is the reason she's not had long relationships. Women may care more, but that doesn't mean men don't care. I was just saying that it's something she feels she needs to "prove," whether to herself, her friends and family, or the men she dates... But counting off the days/months that they stay technically together isn't proof of anything. They've broken up twice in 5 months, and as of two days ago she was considering dating other men. So I agree that her bigger problem is the reason why she's not had a LTR (and by LTR I don't mean your definition of 6 months ).
zengirl Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 Wanted to add . . . But I'd also consider six months a "long" amount of time. Then again, I work on year-to-year contracts and haven't lived in the same city (and in some cases country) for more than two years since I was 21. To me, a 6 month investment in a relationship is pretty huge. But I rarely even go on a second date with a guy I'm not mad about. I don't understand stringing things along for longer than they need to be.
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