jchips Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 Hi everybody. Short version- Broke up with my bf of 2.5 years (living together 1.5 years) because he was relapsing badly. I couldn't take the lying & deceiving about his use & the distance it put between us. He's been gone for almost 2 months. We have some email contact to take care of loose ends- bills, etc. The tone of his emails is so sweet and even though I know he's still using, he's doing his best not to hurt me any further. I know he feels terrible about what has happened, maybe worse than I feel, maybe not, but he's a full-on addict and can't quit- doesn't want to quit. Here's the crazy part- I miss him more than I can stand it. I know intellectually that his addiction is making me crazy and I can't live with him unless he's clean and sober. I know this. But my heart is just aching without him. How in the world do you get over, move on, when you still love someone so deeply and know there is no way you can be together? Please help. This is tearing me up inside.
wilsonx Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 You have to go no contact. Stop reading his emails and his texts. Stop answering his phone calls. You are making the right decision. Until he fixes himself, you can not take him back. He has to make that decision on his own. You are way ahead of the game of a lot of people that post here. Maybe you being away from him will force him to change and go get cleaned up. It may not but you are doing the right thing for you
thelovingkind Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 Well, firstly know that you're in good company - probably one of the most pervasive and recurrent themes in new posts about break ups on this forum is the conflict people experience between logically accepting that someone is a corrosive and malignant influence on their life, but feeling a powerful emotional current pulling them toward that person at the same time. You have to think of your addiction to your ex in the same way that you think about his addiction to drugs. In some ways the processes are identical - cocaine and romantic love are not a world apart in terms of chemical reliance, and the come down from losing the source of each addiction is horrible. But the solution to each is tried and true and not rocket science: stop using the substance (contact with your ex), don't feed the addiction, get support from friends, ride out the despair and emerge in a brighter and clearer future. The really, really difficult part is wanting to do it. If you don't want more than anything else to move past this, it will be very hard to commit to it. You will tumble down at the first hurdle. Your ex knows it's bad for him but doesn't want to break from his addiction; do you want to break from yours?
Recommended Posts