U1987 Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 When you're talking to a girl, on a date or the first time ever, what do you when the conversation comes to a stall instead of just darting eyes side to side uncomfortably? Bail? Chance subjects, even by going off on a wild tangent? Other?
HeavenOrHell Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 You don't have to talk non stop, silences can give you time to reflect, and to think what other things to talk about, how about have a list of topics in your head before you meet her. It's ok to change subjects randomly if you've talked enough about other subjects, just relax about it and the conversation will flow more readily IF you're with an interesting person which you have plenty in common with. When you're talking to a girl, on a date or the first time ever, what do you when the conversation comes to a stall instead of just darting eyes side to side uncomfortably? Bail? Chance subjects, even by going off on a wild tangent? Other?
Rinas Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 I figured this would happen to me on my dates. Generally when awkward hits, I try and make thing's more amusing. I'll throw a smile or silly face there way to keep things light. Then generally you can change subjects or find something to talk about!
KathyM Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 When you're talking to a girl, on a date or the first time ever, what do you when the conversation comes to a stall instead of just darting eyes side to side uncomfortably? Bail? Chance subjects, even by going off on a wild tangent? Other? Smile. Nonverbal communication goes a long way. Nonstop talking can be tiring to do and tiring to listen to. Nothing wrong with a few breaks in the conversation. It would also be a good time to compliment her on something--possibly her appearance, her smile, her laugh, or make a nice observation about her. You'd come across as very warm and endearing if you had those breaks and weren't talking non-stop. Just don't look uncomfortable with the breaks of silence. Allow the conversation to flow naturally. Don't force it.
catchthedrift Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 Any date I have ever been on where awkward silence moments occurred ended up not being the right fit. You can't force to get along with someone. You can try it for a few dates, but if you don't click, it wasn't meant to be, no matter how hard you wish. If I go on a date and I have tons of things to talk about because it comes just naturally that the guy and me share stories and interests, then that is something to go for! Stay true, be you.
oaks Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 When you're talking to a girl, on a date or the first time ever, what do you when the conversation comes to a stall instead of just darting eyes side to side uncomfortably? Bail? Chance subjects, even by going off on a wild tangent? Other? Well, is it really an awkward silence, or just an ordinary silence? If I can't be comfortable being silent with someone then I'm probably not going to want to take things too far. Don't feel like you have to drive the conversation the whole time. If there's a pause, consider waiting to see if she restarts the conversation. You can also use the emphasis of this silence to communicate in other ways... look at her, smile, touch her, or to change what you're doing for example stop walking and look at the flowers (this doesn't work so well if you're in a bar!).
oldguy Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 It’s not up to one person or the other to carry the conversation at all. In fact I believe if that happens it’s a lecture not a conversation. Generally if there is what you perceived to be an awkward pause in conversation it’s because both people have stopped talking and both are probably trying to think of what to say or do next. In fact what has probably happened is both people stopped listening first & became too preoccupied with trying to think of what to say next while the other person was talking. I think of conversation sometimes to be a bit like a volley ball or tennis match in that you serve up a question, comment or observation and wait for the other person to respond. I like the idea of using light humor to lighten up the mood, as long as you don’t break into an all out comedic routine, and have a set of generic, non invasive questions that invites more than a yes or no response. As long as you don’t turn it into an interrogation. There are endless books and links on the art of conversation. http://artofmanliness.com/2010/09/24/the-art-of-conversation/ Sometimes it is “better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt”. I believe that is an Abe Lincoln quote.
Jonno_S Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 When you're talking to a girl, on a date or the first time ever, what do you when the conversation comes to a stall instead of just darting eyes side to side uncomfortably? Bail? Chance subjects, even by going off on a wild tangent? Other? Grab her breast...
carhill Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 Silences are a great time to just gaze into her eyes. IME, inevitably, if she's really interested in you, she'll ask 'what are you thinking?'. My response sometimes is 'well, right now, how wonderful your <color> eyes are'.
iris219 Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 Well, is it really an awkward silence, or just an ordinary silence? If I can't be comfortable being silent with someone then I'm probably not going to want to take things too far. Don't feel like you have to drive the conversation the whole time. If there's a pause, consider waiting to see if she restarts the conversation. You can also use the emphasis of this silence to communicate in other ways... look at her, smile, touch her, or to change what you're doing for example stop walking and look at the flowers (this doesn't work so well if you're in a bar!). ^This Silence is fine. I have no problem with silence. In fact, I dislike people who feel like they have to talk constantly, like we’ll all explode if they shut their mouths for 2 seconds (like in Speed, sort of). I want a man who has a sense of quiet. If the silence is awkward, that’s a problem and I start checking the time and wondering how soon before I can get out of there.
oldguy Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 Silences are a great time to just gaze into her eyes. IME, inevitably, if she's really interested in you, she'll ask 'what are you thinking?'. My response sometimes is 'well, right now, how wonderful your <color> eyes are'. or if your Jonno_S & she asked what you where thinking you would say; 'grabbing your breast'[sMACK!]
Jonno_S Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 or if your Jonno_S & she asked what you where thinking you would say; 'grabbing your breast'[sMACK!] It's not so crazy...sometimes it's the right thing to do.
zengirl Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 When you're talking to a girl, on a date or the first time ever, what do you when the conversation comes to a stall instead of just darting eyes side to side uncomfortably? Bail? Chance subjects, even by going off on a wild tangent? Other? First time ever is different than on a date. Either way, silence is not so bad. If it were the first time talking and not a date, I'd take it as a worse sign than on a date. On a date, silence can easily mean, "Time to kiss me now!" after all. It's really important, socially in general, to be comfortable with some silence. Silence is not a big deal or a bad thing. It's the "awkward" part that's bad, but if you accept that silences will happen and don't bring awkwardness to it, you'll be able to recognize which silences are truly awkward, which are opportunities, and which are just natural occurrences. Be able to be silent! I'm not saying try not to talk or anything, but you have to be able to give conversations some breathing room.
EasyHeart Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 Maybe you could try dating more talkative women? I tend to have the opposite problem -- trying to get a word in the conversation. I swear half the time we're both talking at the same time!
Mme. Chaucer Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 A conversation is as awkward as a silence when you have absolutely NO interest in the person you are talking to, or in anything they could possibly say, and you are only speaking to them as a means to an absolutely self-serving end. Right?
oaks Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 A conversation is as awkward as a silence when you have absolutely NO interest in the person you are talking to, or in anything they could possibly say, and you are only speaking to them as a means to an absolutely self-serving end. Right? That's deep! (but right)
Mme. Chaucer Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 That's deep! (but right) Thanks! I love being right. And deep.
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