RavenTheMind Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 My boyfriend and I just celebrated our ten-month anniversary. We've known each other for years and tell each other everything. As an anniversary tradition, we laid in bed in the dark and just took turns asking each other questions for hours. One of his questions was: "If you were to put on a girl-on-girl show for me, say, for our one-year anniversary, which of our girl friends would you pick?" We've talked about it before, and I've always been a bit curious to try the idea out, being bisexual myself, but when I asked him which he would pick, he brought up one of my old friends and his ex-girlfriend(s), he struck a nerve. I thought I would get over it; we've never fought, never had any problems... I just thought the bad thoughts would go away. I trust him a hundred percent, I really do, but the thought of him lying somewhere thinking about another girl... it really hurts me. Some backstory: He dated a girl in high school and I met her through him. I loved him while they dated but never said anything. She went bi and dumped him. He doesn't know that she had cheated on him with a girl and then had left him for her. It broke his heart and killed his self esteem. I dated other people, he had an online relationship... eventually we ended up together. We love each other very much, and he loves planning our future together- sometimes I'd think he enjoys it even more than I do. But he and I have remained "friends" with his ex. And over the years, she has hurt my best friend a number of times, stealing away her budding love interests. She's proven to me what a terrible person she is, but to everyone else, she's a big-eyed, naiive, "come-save-me" girl. I asked him how he could still find her attractive after all the things she's done, and he talked about her hot body. Her body, I can say with complete accuracy, is the exact opposite of mine. She is just below average height; I'm six feet tall. She's a very thin-fit; I'm very curvy with twenty extra lbs; not fat but not thin. She's got athlete's breasts- that is to say, small ones; I have very large breasts. He also talked about another of our friends and her hot body- very similar to the first girl- only even more petite. His first choice before asking me out had the same body type as the other two girls. I feel like he's dissatisfied with me, but I hate to jump to conclusions. I love him with all my heart, and he loves me, but I feel like sometimes he wishes I had that tiny body. I've been drifting in and out of depressing thoughts for the past week or so. I accept my body, but the idea that he'd prefer another girl over me hurts like hell. Should I let him know that he hurt me? Should I even be so upset? I mean, he has completely turned me off the idea of bringing in another girl, and it's entirely out of this sudden insecurity and jealousy. Thoughts? Suggestions? I'm sure I have more questions to ask, but they've slipped my mind as I'm at work and watched a two years old tear up a house. Hope to get some feedback.
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