LuluJ Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 I have been dating a wonderful man for almost a year. I'm 26 and he's 38. On our first date, I asked him if he had ever been married, and he said yes, but that they hadn't been together for four years. I assumed they were divorced, but a few months into the relationship, just as things were starting to get serious, he admitted to me that they had never finalized the divorce. They have essentially been SEPARATED for four years, and though papers were drawn up, they had both been "lazy" and never finalized. There are no kids involved, but they share car insurance which saves them both some money. They're amicable, but completely and totally over (according to him). He told me that he loved me, that I was very important to him and that he wanted to be available to me, so he was going to get on with the divorce right away. I have tried very VERY hard not to nag or pressure him, but it's been months and he hasn't done anything to expidite the process, as far as I know. He even had a meeting set up with her, but he blew it off. I told him that it bothered me that he blew it off, and that I didn't want to wake up a year from now and have to admit to myself that he was never going to divorce her. He scoffed at that, as if it was a totally ridiculous fear. It REALLY bugged me that he blew that meeting off. It made me feel like he was ambivalent about divorcing her. She lives very close to him, but as far as I can tell (and I'm with him an awful lot), they have very little contact, and it's all very impersonal, about car insurance mostly. We're planning on moving in together in December, and he's said that he wants to be divorced by the time we move in. However, there seems to be no forward movement, and he seems to be blowing it off. The only other information that I have is that she has a lot of student debt, so is it possible that he's putting it off because he's afraid she'll ask for money? Please give me some advice, I love him, but I don't know where to draw the line and when this becomes disrespectful to me. I've never dated anyone significantly older than I am, and I've never dealt with a married/divorced/separated man. I so very much want this to work. Please help!!
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