HalfStepDown Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 Ok... first off my previous threads/story is under the user name "gtrplayer". Quick nutshell - I'm the guy, 40+yr old male... was in a 3yr relationship with a txt book extreme narcissist. I'm a co-dependent, so as you can imagine it was a terrible mix. Anyway. "I" finally CUT it and went full on NC October 15th 2010 and have been NC since that day!!! So, seriously.... Kudos to me!! Whew! I'm good and have made a lot of positive changes in my life since then, so things are SO MUCH better for me since. The NC was NOT easy... let me assure you. But after about the 4month mark it started getting a bit easier. Now it's much easier... However, don't get me wrong, there are times that it can creep up on me and I have to be ready. One thing that really annoys me now is that I can't "enjoy" music like I use to. Her and I shared everything through music. I'm a musician and she was an avid lover of music, so it was always all about music!! I drive for work and will drive 400 plus miles in two days and never once turn the radio on... strange I would say. When I'm in a restaurant or hotel lobby working etc... I will hear the overhead music and it just bothers me. When I play in the band, it's different because I'm playing it and it doesn't bother me at all in any way. I suppose the question is... HOW does it bother me. It doesn't really send me into a mess over "her"... it just sort of makes me stop and think of where I am now and I feel "self pity" maybe??? For where I am... single, with no "gf" etc... Yes, I'm MUCH better off this way, we know this for sure!!! And I don't know... maybe I just miss the "idea" of having someone etc.. Codependency at it's finest I suspect. So... is there a way to get over this music thing?? I miss enjoying music like I used to and honestly it really pi$$es me off that I allowed her to ruin that for me!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks!
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 have you tried listening to sad breakup songs? Maybe you didn't grieve properly, or maybe you did but missed an element of grieving. I couldn't listen to music for about 3 weeks after my breakup but realized that the songs put off a certain emotion. Which meant to me that I wasn't alone in how I was feeling and the artist had felt what I was feeling at some point. I guess if I were you I'd force myself to listen to music. All kinds of music, your taste may have changed since the breakup.
thelovingkind Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 I normally have two styles of music that I love: acoustic, introspective, singer-songwriter type music that is often about turbulent relationships and so on, and then dance remixes of top 40 pop songs. I only felt the urge to listen to dance music again for the first time post-break up yesterday, which is nearly three weeks since I last felt any real surge of emotion about my ex and about two weeks since I'd say I moved on properly. So I'm a long way down the line and these old interests are only just, just beginning to re-awaken. In the mean time though I've been listening to lots of my more introspective songs. Maybe you have a style like that you'll enjoy listening to? If not, don't fret. Like I said, I was ready to meet someone new before I was ready to listen to music with a four-to-the-floor beat again. Life is weird.
lonelynyc Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 I'm feeling a similar sort of way. I'm very much into salsa music/dancing/playing percussion and got my ex into it too. For the first week of the breakup I could listen to everything--R&B, Rock, Hip-Hop--but not salsa, it just triggered too many memories. It's the same reason why having any of our ex's possessions in sight can cause us so much pain. Listening to the songs we shared with them takes us back to a time and place when we were with the ones we loved and lost... it makes us long for those times we won't ever get back. For the past few days I have been rediscovering the salsa music I was raised to love as being rich in the sort of emotional anguish that I'm going through right now. Half the songs are about loss, searching for a new beginning... Pairing those types of sobering, sad lyrics with such a danceable musical soundscape is almost like saying "Life sucks... so **** it, let's dance." I'm not quite back to dancing to it again, but at least I have found a new sort of way to appreciate it. You will find that too with the music you play.
Geya Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 It's normal! I've been there I know what you mean, music probably triggers emotions, give it time, if you don't feel comfortable listening to music then don;t! until you do.. I didn't listen to music for around two months, now I'm back to listening music, download new songs
jchips Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 Half-Step, you're singing my song. My ex was a musicologist (music historian) and audio engineer & we were together 2.5 years. For me it was classical & some early jazz. He turned me on to so much amazing music! Hearing some music (mostly the Gypsy Jazz) really pulls at my heart strings. For me it is definitely part of the grieving process. It reminds me of something beautiful we shared and enjoyed together immensely. So all I can do is let the feelings be there and not add any story to the feelings (eg "Oh, it was so wonderful when we sat holding hands listening to xyz.") NO! I just let the physical aspect of the feeling be there & don't run from it & voila! It does pass. I can't say why your experience of just not liking music has come up. That's really interesting. Is it with all music? I've found there's something very therapeutic in listening to music that I LOVED long before I met my ex. Don't know why. Maybe it's affirming that I had a wonderful life before my ex and I'll have a wonderful life without him. The love of music did not come from him, it comes from inside of me. Good luck. It's not easy but it sounds like you're getting there.
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