k100danny Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 I have been dating this girl exclusively for around a month, we have known each other a lot longer and had been out for dinner a few times before this. I think she is great, beautiful, intelligent, funny and caring. we have had a couple of disagreements but have made up and forgot about them. looking back they really werent important. obviously after we have words about something the relationship feels different but only until we see each other again. we have agreed to take it slow as we were very good friends even though we have always been attracted to one another, but i am a bit of a worrier and maybe slightly insecure. I tend to analyze things and i asked her if she still felt the same way about me as at the start and she said that obviously when you have a disagreement that things are kind of up in the air but when she saw me again it was just like nothing had happened and she still feels exactly the same way about me. Now i dont know if it is me being insecure (ive only had 1 real relationship before this that i would consider serious and it ended badly) I would like to think she would be honest if she started to feel different about me. but i have a lot of time on my hands and i tend to worry 9i also have generalised anxiety disorder which can make me worry. so i guess my question is should i just let go of my insecurities and trust that she still has the same feelings for me? i mean we havent seen each other as much the last week or so due to commitments but i guess this is normal after a month and i wouldnt want to spend every night with her (i mean i would but i know its not for the best)
Casablanca Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 Things sound fine, is she giving you the same amount of attention as before? I'd say you are over analyzing (which I do a lot too) If nothing has changed in how she acts towards you, it's all good bubs!
grkBoy Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 Calm down. You're doing fine. Don't let insecurities ruin this. Have you tried making a move?
Valid Sintax Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 Since you are "taking it slow", the emotional connections in the relationship are going to develop slowly as well. This combined with your admission that you are somewhat insecure will make it more likely for you to feel those insecurities. Then, since it seems like you said you over analyze things, that also will compound the insecurity issue...trust me, I know! So, recognize that this is a situation that will greatly feed your insecurities and try to not let them get out of control, which is very tough. Also remember that just like the weak emotional/relationship connection feeds your insecurities, it likely affects her as well. So, like you said, when you argue, then it makes her feel distant or think, even briefly, about the merits of your relationship. In my mind, all of this is likely to happen when a couple takes it slow. These are just the downsides of this approach, just like their are upsides. One last piece of advice: When the time is right, move to speed up the relationship (like grkboy said about "making a move") and if all goes well, these insecurities should start to go away.
Author k100danny Posted July 19, 2011 Author Posted July 19, 2011 Thanks for the replies. The reason we decided to take it slow is it did become very intense withint a couple of weeks and as i said we did have a disagreement. i admit it was quite intense and probably needed to slow down but she did say that she thinks we should take it a bit slower too (i didnt know if this was code for im having doubts) We speak probably as much as we did before maybe slightly less but im not too sure. we are both still very flirty and loving in our messages to each other and passionate towards each other when we see each other. very quickly after the relationship started she introduced me to friends and family, after the argument / disagreements we had when we decided to take things a little slower my mind just races with thoughts that i could be losing her. she said she had moved back slightly as she was kind of scared to let herself get really attatched to me this quickly and end up needing me there all the time, does this sound like an excuse? I really hope she would be honest with me because of our good freindship before this. i am just scared the honeymoon period maybe over for her already.
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 Ugh. You sound like me :S The worst part is that 5 months on, I am still as anxious and insecure as ever. The main problem is that I am aware how emotions are volatile. You see it all the time: people love each other to death and then few months later they become strangers. So it's not like I can ever relax and feel secure. If my boyfriend says he loves me one day and then doesn't say it the next - I start to worry that he is about to dump me. No advice for you - just that I understand and I don't really think it ever ends, unfortunately.
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