q1m5 Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 ive been in a relationship with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years, and living together for just over a year and a half. i moved 90 miles away from all my family, and most of my friends to live with him. He has a big family of 8 bothers and sisters, my boyfriend is the only one out of all of them including his mum and dad who actually works. we both work full time, and i try and put as much overtime i can in to either buy nice things or to put into savings for a new car. we have both wages paid into one account, have all the bills come out and share the money, im the one who gets up in the morning walks the dogs, irons work shirts and makes the lunch. im from a fairly 'normal' family who all work, and are honest. His family have always been around as live in the same town, but the past 5-6 months it feels like its got extreme, there over pretty much all weekend every weekend, regardless if im working, if its my only weekend off, or even if im ill, the first 6 months of our realtionship i didnt mind spending part of my weekend over his familys houses with the nights consiting of heavy drinking, loud music, smoking, weed and arguments, but the past 5-6 months they have been coming over our flat all the time. they all stay over, and if im working the next day they stay over the next day, all day with thier childern, making loads of mess and noise. and becuase there all on benifits and spend all the money on drink, drugs and tobacco, we have to pay for all drink etc when thier around. i hate smoking in the house, and in general and a drink now and again is alright, but all of them drinking together huge amounts all loud, everyweekend and on weekdays sometimes is just extreme. regardless if im tired and i have to work a full day the next day, they contiune to stay up till 3 am being so loud i cant sleep. its really wearing thin, and now im going down to see my family or friends every weekend as i cant deal with it anymore, and its starting to push me and my boyfriend away from each other. ive tried telling him how i feel about it all, but he tells me that i dont make enough effort with his family anymore, regardless if he makes the effort see my family, what, 4 times a year. i dont feel like i have any privicy, they use everything in the flat, even my sponge in the shower.. just everything, if i have any cider, they drink it. i love him to pieces and feel sick with the thought of life with out him. but im 20, i dont want this for the rest of my life, hes 32, we've always got on so well with everything, were complete opisites, but i feel like his family are pushing us away. i really dont know what to do.. am i being the selfish one here, or am i just being a dick. or should i not put up with it, and leave the guy i love becuase of his family?
TheFamilyMan Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 The way you are feeling is completely understandable. Family is one of the most important aspects of a relationship, whether that's a positive or a negative thing is situational. But if he is not willing to work with you then you might have to be more aggressive about resolving the issue. Best of luck!
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