aworldofhurt Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 I was deciding whether to write this and leave it very vague but I need to throw in details to get some honest replies. Moved in with now ex . Things were great and we were " in love" , both late 30's. About 5 months in the horrible arguments started. I would catch him in a stupid lie and it would start. One time he saw an email to a friend where I was complaining out him and calling him a name , that started a fight. In all honestly he was a "snapper" . Fine one minute and angry the next . The rest of the time he was caring , affectionate and kind. Someone who I could see spending the rest of my life with. One night we had a major verbal blowout that he started. It got out of hand and became physical and I fought back doing some damage. The police were called and I went to the ER. He never told the police the truth and I faced false charges. The case was dismissed but I never got over the anger and feeling of no protection from someone I loved. He started moving out slowly after that. Had about 3/4 of his stuff still at our house and lived there 3/4 of the time , but was paying rent at his new place. So he got to come and go and I was left financially screwed at our house. Neither was making me happy and I set a deadline and some limits if it was going to work out. One night he shows up , he got angry about something. Kicked in a cabinet and punched a hole in the wall. He was screaming and I was trying to calm him down. I had it and called the police. He went to jail and was facing charges he should have back when I called them the first time. I felt relieved. This man may actually get court ordered help for the anger. I find out after he goes to jail that the week prior ( while telling me he loved me and we need to work some things out ) , he let a friend set him up because he was " single". I guess there was a pretty intense connection for the whole 2 dates , but she lives out of state. He makes excuses for that. I decide to sell whatever I could of his and mine to move . There is a restraining order so I felt like I could move easily. I left his personal items but the rest of it was gone when he came back with cops. Sold or moved. I felt ****ty doing so but I was left high and dry with nothing else to do. Fast forward , I move and we go 3 months no contact. I see him in court which crushed me to even see his face. We had our first phone contact last week and talked for about 5 hours and got our feelings out . He is in therapy and so am I . Also on medication. I saw him in person last night and the love I have for him has never left. We want to give it time and see what happens. Meanwhile I have 2 problems . A ) I have a hard time trusting him. After he fooled me at the end with the girl and he is also a giant pathological liar ( the sky is blue , no it was green yesterday ) if you know what I mean. B ) My family/ friends and his would be shocked if they knew we even had contact. I need to add I feel like a pretty strong person. I have moved on with my head high from other things a few times. I don't have issues with my parents or insecurity issues . I just don't know . Maybe just break my own heart and move on. This has been the hardest break up I ever had.
wilsonx Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 WHAT? WHAT? WHY? I just came out of a cheating relationship second chance and it crushed me into the ground mentally. You want to get into a relationship with someone with anger issues that will crush you into the ground physically literally and mentally! You are not a strong person if you are seriously considering this
Author aworldofhurt Posted July 19, 2011 Author Posted July 19, 2011 there was no cheating going on the entire time we together. We were joined at the hip. He even moved to my neighborhood and left most of his friends behind. I think at the end we lost respect for each other. I am still upset about finding out about the girl he went out with twice while I had no idea. I can say had it happened earlier on I would have been devistated and gone. I think we just didn't have much love for each other at the end. We hurt each other with all the drama we both caused. I feel like we are starting with a clean slate. I don't know if I should even bother but my heart tells me to and set limits this time.
Chuck Bartowski Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 Under no circumstances should you ever go back to a physical abuser! Please think this through. There is no excuse for that, PERIOD.
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