Depressed Mama Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 My husband of 5 years told me 2 months ago that he had been cheating on me for the 2 months before that with a girl from work. I had felt like our marriage was okay but in the last few months I noticed he seemed quite disconnected and unhappy. I confronted him twice about the possibility of them actually having a relationship but he acted like I was crazy and I actually felt like I was crazy too. We have 2 children and we both can say that we do love each other and that up until about 6 months ago, things were going really well. We have been trying to get pregnant for 1 1/2 years now and it really hurt me to find out that through all of that he could risk the possiblility of getting someone else pregnant not to mention all of the other disrespect that comes from this. We immediately decided to make our marriage work and go to counseling especially for the kids. I am not doing it just for the kids. I truly love him so much and cannot imagine a day of my life without him. He is a wonderful man and that's what kills me so much about all of this. There are many things that I have learned about myself as a wife through this and I really do feel as though this is a blessing in disguise. I have become a better wife and mom because of everything I have learned but that doesn't mean I'm not afraid of what could happen in the future. He claims it is over and I have actually spoken to her and she claims it is over. It's just so hard to believe because they used to get in there cars during lunch and meet at her house to have sex and sometimes just to talk and kiss. They even met at work when nobody was around just to talk and kiss. The one big problem is that he can't quit his job because we really need the money and insurance so until we can find a different option I have to send him off to work everyday with her. It is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life but I really do want to make this work. One of the hardest parts of all of this is that I feel like she is prettier than me. I am not an ugly person or anything but if you put the two of us in a lineup with a group of men, I'm sure they would choose her over me everytime. She is just your typically tall blonde with blue eyes and I am average. Since I found out, we have had sex almost every day and just like every other messed up thing in my life right now, I got pregnant. I tried for 1 1/2 years and finally when everything is a mess and we don't even know if we'll make it I got pregnant! A day after I found out, I started having a miscarriage and it just completed a week ago. My mind is so out of whack right now. I thought I was to the acceptance stage and then I went back and started feeling more pain and sadness again. I am just so depressed right now and I don't know what to do. I am having so much trouble coping with all of this and just need some advice from someone who doesn't know me. What can I do to get out of the way I feel? I am just so hurt and scared. I am afraid to open up my heart to him again and be hurt but I don't want to give up.
Stung Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 (edited) I'm very sorry for your pain, and for your loss. I can't imagine the hurt and anger and confusion and grief you must be struggling with right now. I think you should repost this thread in the Infidelity section of these boards; there you will get much more tailored, experienced advice, from people who have actually been where you are now. They can help you decide whether to, and how best to, save your marriage. In the real world, I suggest that you seek marital counseling for yourself and your husband, and be sure it's a counselor who specializes in reconstruction after infidelity. I really just don't see how it's possible to successfully steer past this kind of thing without some professional guidance. Also, you might want to see somebody just for yourself, to help you deal with your depression. Depression is a normal response to what you have been going through, but since you are a mother, you just haven't got the luxury of letting nature take it's course, waiting out the depression. Just consider being evaluated to find out whether your depression is considered clinical. I think you should also reach out to people who actually know and love you. I'm sure you know someone who has been through something painful, who has experienced a loss or a betrayal. Sometimes just the empathetic hug of somebody who has been there can really offer more comfort than you might imagine--similarly, you deserve one hell of a night out with the girls. And your husband had better be out there seriously pounding the pavement looking for another job, like every day, with a big old stack of professionally edited resumes. Good luck. Edited July 21, 2011 by Stung
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