zooka Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 Hey everyone We are from 2 different countries and we had met in US 2 years ago while we were studying and we had a relationship until we decide to take a break a couple of months ago with her offer. Well I lived with her in her country for a while and she also came to mine for a couple of months. Now we're in our own countries. We both had agreed on taking a break and think about things and figure things out about ourselves. We didnt set a date to talk and we didnt put any rules or guidelines while we're on the break. I think it was a good decision taking a break because I was hoping that we'll figure things out and we will be back together at some point. In the meantime we were chatting sometimes on the internet and e-mailing each other. Things seemed like going positive and we both were telling that we miss each other. After 2 months of not seing each other we decided to make a video chat to see and hear each other. It was a very good conversation overall. I could see that she still loves me. At least that's what I thought. Then a few days ago we decided to make another video chat. It was going fine but then I asked her if she dated anyone while we're apart. She said no, and that she doesnt think that the type of our break is not like that meaning that she wouldnt do it. Then I asked her if she flirted with anyone and she said yes. Then she tried to make it seem simple saying that it was not a flirting like giving the guy hope or chance to make her a move or kiss him or something like that. So I asked what kind of flirting is that. And she said that she met new people and its was like a "meeting new people flirting" what ever that is. She wasnt able to explain it. And I got upset so I didnt want to continue the conversation so I said I gotta go, talk to later and we ended the conversation. Anyone can tell me what she means? What should I do? We better put some rules after this point. I dont think flirting acceptable in our type of break because I dont thinks its gonna make us any good and end the relationship at some point. Maybe she's not being honest when she says that she misses me and that she thinks about me. If its like that, then I dont think it makes sense to continue a break and it would be better to break up completely. I dont know what I better do. Thanks for reading everyone.
Author zooka Posted July 19, 2011 Author Posted July 19, 2011 Hey! I said thank you for reading but that shouldn't make you just read it. I would also thank you if you post a reply...
thelovingkind Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 Honestly, breaks are kinda messed up. I very rarely hear of a break that is called a "break" after which both partners return to a happy and improved relationship. Most of the time these are just an excuse for a break up, and the rest of the time the relationship ends up deteriorating because trust dissipates, communication is eroded and suspicions arise. You are quite vague on the reason(s) for taking a break. More on this would help us give advice. But I can say if you want this relationship to continue I suggest you abandon the whole idea of being on a break. I mean, you're already in separate countries anyway. And now you're on a break from each other? It's just a recipe for drifting apart. I don't see how any good can come of it.
Exit Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 I agree that breaks generally don't work. You guys have actual distance from each other, living apart, and you have emotional distance, choosing not to actually be together. On the other hand, I thought you would be thrilled to hear that she isn't interested in dating anyone else, or hasn't dated yet, but instead you focus on the fact that she chose to be honest and said sure she gets a little flirty when she is out and meets new people. Just make yourself clear the next time you talk. Say you don't like the way this break feels anymore, say you want to end up together, and if she is going to end up drifting away from you and finding someone else, she should just end it now.
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