Tolan Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 Well i commented another persons thread so I figured i was just open my own. Me and my ex were together for over 10 years. High school sweet hearts. We have been through 3 parents deaths,5 years of college, 6 months of jail (my bad). I came home from work about 3 weeks ago to a letter and everything she had was gone. The letter basically said stuff about sex and me wanting it to much. But the worst part is she said that she doesn't have the feelings for me that she once did. Not i don't love you any more I just don't have the same feelings for you. I moved to New Orleans from Detroit 2 years ago cause she wanted to live here. She claims their is no one else but I don't know what to do. I decied that I am going to move back to Detroit cause I have no family or friends down here. I leave this Friday but I am meeting her Wednesday to say good bye. Is that a good idea? Also I am having a very hard time sleeping. If I don't drink I can't sleep if i drink then I drink to much and am hung over at work the next day. How can I get out of this rut? Any help would be awesome. Family and friends help alot but their is nothing like a total strangers input. Thanks
mcfuzz Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 Well i commented another persons thread so I figured i was just open my own. Me and my ex were together for over 10 years. High school sweet hearts. We have been through 3 parents deaths,5 years of college, 6 months of jail (my bad). I came home from work about 3 weeks ago to a letter and everything she had was gone. The letter basically said stuff about sex and me wanting it to much. But the worst part is she said that she doesn't have the feelings for me that she once did. Not i don't love you any more I just don't have the same feelings for you. I moved to New Orleans from Detroit 2 years ago cause she wanted to live here. She claims their is no one else but I don't know what to do. I decied that I am going to move back to Detroit cause I have no family or friends down here. I leave this Friday but I am meeting her Wednesday to say good bye. Is that a good idea? Also I am having a very hard time sleeping. If I don't drink I can't sleep if i drink then I drink to much and am hung over at work the next day. How can I get out of this rut? Any help would be awesome. Family and friends help alot but their is nothing like a total strangers input. Thanks Glad you posted your own story buddy. Maybe take up going the gym or a sport, that way you get tired out from the exercise rather than using drink to help you sleep? I'm going to do that once I get back from my holiday. That way you can feel good about yourself and get out that stress. I'm clearly no expert so I am sure more experienced people on here can help too
Dblock10 Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 thats hard. like 10 freaking years... i swear im not committing myself to a girl unless they beg me to marry them. anyway drinking is a depressant im sure you know this already. I think i wouldnt rush anything. it would be hard to meet her but i dont see why you shouldnt. you just have to accept you may never see her again. i went to the gym a lot after my first gf, gave me confidence back. although i wasnt eating properly so wasnt seeing any gains. so eat well, try and sleep well. and hang around with your friends a lot, and meet loads new people. dont even for one second try and meet another girl. your head is not in the right place. just concentrate on yourself and getting over it
Author Tolan Posted July 18, 2011 Author Posted July 18, 2011 I already have a gym member ship I actually did it so I could get healthier so i wouldn't die on her. I just find no joy in life what so ever. I use to be a very happy person even when I was angry or up set I wouldn't let the world get me down. Now I don't even know who I am and its killing me.
Dblock10 Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 **** man you need a holiday. or a complete change of lifestlye trust me. gah i know how hard it is for you. ive been there. i was on this forum back in 07-08 from my first massive breakup. i saw no fun in life. nothing made me happy. i dont know how i got better but i just did things with friends, tried to meet new people. but my mistake was that i was trying too hard to meet someone new. just dont. there is no point. if it was me, i'd go on a holiday with the lads and try and forget life even if its for a bit.
Chi townD Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 Well, not too sure about your decision to move from New Orleans to Detroit. I guess there's nothing wrong with Detroit. I just have issues with a place that has the word roit in it. Well, if you have to meet her. I would just keep it simple and keep it light. I suspect that she'll start to blame everything on you as to why you two aren't together anymore. Don't buy into it. However, you have to stand your ground and inform her that this will be the last time you'll ever see her or speak to her. Then, time to close that chapter dude.
Author Tolan Posted July 18, 2011 Author Posted July 18, 2011 well actually i am moving to jackson Mi its just most people know were Detroit is. The biggest problem is my truck is in both our names so I have to keep in contact with her tell I pay it off and i have to meet with her again to sign off on the title. And as far as the blame goes we already meet up once I guess for her to give me closure. Thats pertty much what she told me that its all my fault. I realize that it wasn't all my fault in fact it was mostly her fault I changed she couldn't. I have a feeling that she is with someone else and doesn't want to tell me cause she knows I would go after them.
Author Tolan Posted July 19, 2011 Author Posted July 19, 2011 I love how 102 people have looked at this and no one knows what to say. Yep FML.
wilsonx Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 sorry man, its not FML for you at all. It happens and we have to live with it and move forward. I hate to say this but in the end it will only make you stronger. Go out and make lots of guy friends. Lots of them, they will help you through it. Join a recreation sports league, something like kickball or something. Try http://www.teamwaar.com or http://www.meetup.com Post here, ask questions, keep moving forward. The more active you stay, the less depression will hit in. It will hit though but you have to use all that negative energy to push you forward
lonelynyc Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 sorry man, its not FML for you at all. It happens and we have to live with it and move forward. I hate to say this but in the end it will only make you stronger. Go out and make lots of guy friends. Lots of them, they will help you through it. Join a recreation sports league, something like kickball or something. Try http://www.teamwaar.com or http://www.meetup.com Post here, ask questions, keep moving forward. The more active you stay, the less depression will hit in. It will hit though but you have to use all that negative energy to push you forward This is some of the best advice you could encounter on this forum. Don't look for rebound flings... However exciting it might be in the beginning, you'll be left with all the same questions and self-doubt as before. Making new male friends can make all the difference, especially types of people you might not have associated with in the past. I'm in my 20s, but have befriended a guy a couple decades older than me with whom I play pick-up basketball in the park on the weekends. As someone that has been to hell and back in relationships and has experienced the type of adversity in life (outside of stuff pertaining to love) that can break someone down, he has a ton of wisdom. I love my college/work friends, but there's only so much advice they can impart. Find comfort in the people who have been in your position but made it through to find happiness again. Sidenote: don't move back to the Detroit area if you're employed in New Orleans. The best revenge is living well, and if you move back up to the region with the highest unemployment rates in the industrialized world, and don't secure a job... you'll be alone and broke. The loneliness will pass if you're proactive.
Author Tolan Posted July 19, 2011 Author Posted July 19, 2011 Sidenote: don't move back to the Detroit area if you're employed in New Orleans. The best revenge is living well, and if you move back up to the region with the highest unemployment rates in the industrialized world, and don't secure a job... you'll be alone and broke. The loneliness will pass if you're proactive. already have a job but yeah thanks for the advice. As much as it helped don't take this the wrong way but I guess their is nothing that is gona help.
Author Tolan Posted July 27, 2011 Author Posted July 27, 2011 Well I got back to Michigan where I thought I would be better. To tell you the truth I think I am worse. For the first 2 days I couldn't do anything but cry. I still have a very hard time making it though the day without breaking down. But I guess it was my choices and I have to live with it. I guess it might have to do with me really saying its over by moving here. I did meet up with her one last time before I left. I asked one more time if their was anyone else if that's why she was doing thing. She was looking me in the eye when I asked then when she answered she looked down and away. So yeah I think I got my answer even though she swears their is no one else. I don't know just thought I would give a update in case anyone cared.
Recommended Posts