isdn00789 Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 The title pretty much says it all, but I also have a few specific questions about sites in general: On sites like match.com, if I am subscriber and a send a message to a user who is not, can they reply? What are the limitations?Is there any way for me to see who is a subscriber before I subscribe myself? (Maybe a mute issue depending on the answer above) I've tried free sites like okcupid and plentyoffish and have never really had much success. I don't find that many people I'm interested in, and I've never managed to move a relationship from online to offline. I feel like moving to a paid site might be the way to go because I'm assuming anyone paying the rather high fees they charge might be a little more serious about actually finding someone to date. Thanks in advance!
KathyM Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 I've never used dating websites, since I've been married almost all of my adult life, but a lot of friends and relatives have used various sites, and from what I've heard, E-Harmony is probably the best. They do a good job of matching people and you find a better quality of people, from what I've heard. A friend of mine met (and married) a really nice woman he met through E-Harmony.
GivenUp0083 Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 Unfortunately, my friend, you won't find much difference in response rates between OKCupid, POF, AND match.com. I used match before I went to OKC because my response rates were too low to justify paying a monthly fee. I did meet my last gf from OKC which lasted 5 months, but ended rather surprisingly (guess you never really know someone). But, since getting back into it, I've noticed I can't get a response to save my life. I have a good profile, had many people review it and give me good reviews on it. I have clear, good pictures of myself, good face and body photos, I've lost weight recently (30 lbs) and I am slim and muscular now than I used to be. I send emails trying to be friendly, a little funny when possible, ask questions about their profile, point out some common interests and ask them more about it, I ask general friendly questions like "how was your weekend?" and "what do you like to do the most in the summer time?". I get a lot of profile views but no email responses. I can't figure it out but something has to be wrong with me. I thought my response rate would improve since losing weight as I look and feel better, but no dice on the emails from online dating. I'm baffled, but I've done all I can to help myself and I can't figure it out so I'm just going to stop wasting my time.
Casablanca Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 I've met people off of all four of the big sites, OK, plenty, match and eharmony...eharmony is the hardest to get around the system on...on match it isnt too bad...you can put a piece of information in your profile or the name you use as your username and hint at the fact if you arent a subscriber that you can be found easily on the internet...hinting at say facebook....then wink at every girl you send a message to...that way if a person cant see who sent them a message, they can at least see you winked at them and may try to find you facebook or something (did have one girl do that) I have gotten better responses on the paid sites...though I always used the free trials and such...my only relationship to come from the internet came off of plenty of fish I get a lot of profile views but no email responses. I can't figure it out but something has to be wrong with me. I thought my response rate would improve since losing weight as I look and feel better, but no dice on the emails from online dating. I feel women online are (as a percentage, not all) more picky...now of course they have to sift through more BS from idiot guys who just send them messages about sex...but I rather be in that position where sure you may have to read a lot of crap, but something in that crap pile may be good even if just one...I'll respond to someone who I think is attractive to try and see if there is any interest from my side Best bet for messages...make them PERSONAL...show them you read their profile...ask questions and make comments about things that intrigue about her other than her looks...also I found a little bit better success getting responses last time when I made my message headline based on somethign I saw in their profile...that way in case they like to do a mass delete of every message title that said "hey", "whats up" or "how are you", mine makes it plus it might gain their attention better because it shows I read their profile before they even opened my message
grkBoy Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 On sites like match.com, if I am subscriber and a send a message to a user who is not, can they reply? What are the limitations? Usually a non-subscriber on a free account will get an email saying that someone messaged them and they should subscribe to see who it was. Most of the time though they don't or even send those emails to spam folders. So why does it seem someone would set up a free profile on Match but not go all the way? Mostly I notice the time they set one up is a moment of vulnerability, adventurous thinking, desperation, insecurity, etc...and they set one up (or a friend does it) in the thinking they're going to try it and find someone, but many then stop when it comes time to give a credit card #. They'll fall back into the thinking of things like "dating sites are for losers"* or "I can do better than this" or "I don't really want to meet someone this way" or whatever. Is there any way for me to see who is a subscriber before I subscribe myself? (Maybe a mute issue depending on the answer above) I don't know right off the bat. Match.com and Yahoo both got busted years ago for posting fake profiles, keeping deleted profiles, and other shady tactics to lure men in. Best things I'd say is to see when their "last activity" was. If you see it's been weeks or months, then assume this person is gone. Also, fill out a free profile, see how far they let you go. From there, the information you see that you could not fill out (like stuff about your perfect mate) is the litmus test. You see a pretty girl and her "what I want in a man" section seems blank or very "open", assume she's not a paying member and move on. I remember when I tried Yahoo long ago I emailed a lot of women I found interesting (looks and profile personality), but noticed how many of them seemed open on height, weight, income, etc. when it came to their ideal man. I should have known better when I never saw anything out of any of them...not even a "unread delete". Same deal when I tried Match.com. My suggestion is the usual advice many give. Set up profiles on POF, OKC, and one pay site. Use them all, but don't "live" on them. Seen some who spend hours upon hours every day surfing dating sites. Just make it a point to check them out for an hour each day or every other day, send some emails, and go about your life. Also make sure to go all-out on your profile and put your best foot forward. * I'm NOT saying that dating sites are for losers, so don't suddenly go on the attack. I'm simply sharing a thought several colleagues have actually shared with me. I remember one who said she would die alone before she settled on someone who needs the internet to meet someone. She's still single btw. You can see she's her own obstacle.
manders_01 Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 Unfortunately, my friend, you won't find much difference in response rates between OKCupid, POF, AND match.com. I used match before I went to OKC because my response rates were too low to justify paying a monthly fee. I did meet my last gf from OKC which lasted 5 months, but ended rather surprisingly (guess you never really know someone). But, since getting back into it, I've noticed I can't get a response to save my life. I have a good profile, had many people review it and give me good reviews on it. I have clear, good pictures of myself, good face and body photos, I've lost weight recently (30 lbs) and I am slim and muscular now than I used to be. I send emails trying to be friendly, a little funny when possible, ask questions about their profile, point out some common interests and ask them more about it, I ask general friendly questions like "how was your weekend?" and "what do you like to do the most in the summer time?". I get a lot of profile views but no email responses. I can't figure it out but something has to be wrong with me. I thought my response rate would improve since losing weight as I look and feel better, but no dice on the emails from online dating. I'm baffled, but I've done all I can to help myself and I can't figure it out so I'm just going to stop wasting my time. I mentioned this in another online dating thread last night. Sometimes it's something about themselves that cause them not to write back. If there is something that the guy writing me (or someone the site has matched me with) and I aren't compatible on, if it's a biggie for me, I won't pursue. Would it be kind of them to write you back indicating they don't feel you are a good match? Absolutely. Do they have the right not to? Of course. PS There was actually a very good article written about email response etiquette here.
manders_01 Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 Usually a non-subscriber on a free account will get an email saying that someone messaged them and they should subscribe to see who it was. Most of the time though they don't or even send those emails to spam folders. So why does it seem someone would set up a free profile on Match but not go all the way? Mostly I notice the time they set one up is a moment of vulnerability, adventurous thinking, desperation, insecurity, etc...and they set one up (or a friend does it) in the thinking they're going to try it and find someone, but many then stop when it comes time to give a credit card #. They'll fall back into the thinking of things like "dating sites are for losers"* or "I can do better than this" or "I don't really want to meet someone this way" or whatever. IIRC, you used to be able to respond to someone without being a subscriber. I would put up a profile in the hope that someone I winked at would be interested enough to email and then I could respond. Not the best way to go about online dating but when you're poor, it works. Or should I say worked.
manders_01 Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 (edited) Of OKC, POF and Match, I prefer OKC. I feel like it gives the best sense of my compatibility with a person because of all the additional questions you can answer / ask. I like POF the least. I does seem to be the site that attracts those that are not seriously considering a relationship. I've had ads up this go around since the beginning of May and been on dates with one guy from Match, one guy from OKC and have just started emailing someone from Match. I feel like for the most part, it's all hit or miss. PS Sorry about the multiple posts, I couldn't get multi-quote to work for some reason. Edited July 19, 2011 by manders_01
grkBoy Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 IIRC, you used to be able to respond to someone without being a subscriber. I would put up a profile in the hope that someone I winked at would be interested enough to email and then I could respond. Not the best way to go about online dating but when you're poor, it works. Or should I say worked. Maybe they allow women to. I dunno. I remember reading about how the recipient could read the message, but not respond unless they subscribe. So people first slipped phone numbers and emails into the messages, but Match tried to block those out...then people even went to the point of cleverly hiding the number in words throughout the message. I guess they eventually just decided to only send the non-subscriber an email that someone messaged them. It's not a perfect system IMHO...hence why I usually suggest one pay site and the two free sites, as well as making the effort to do other things. In all honesty, I'd love it if dating sites would add a "REJECT" button. So someone would press it on a profile, and then the person rejected would never see that someone show up in searches or browsing. Kind of like how when you block someone on Facebook you become nonexistent to them. So men and women who get emailed by people they're 100% not into they can just "reject", even send a reply without worry of a reply back with drama. The person is cut off. People could even go through the browse and just reject everyone they never want to hear from. Does this sound shallow and cold? Yeah. What happens to the man or woman who comes online and has practically no one in their browse? They would get maybe a message saying how they might want to change how they act, or how they present themselves. Plus get advertisements for dating coaches. I just think while loads of people join dating sites, too many more singles think there is a bad stigma attached to it all, even in this day, and especially women want to be able to join and not deal with all the "little boys" and other creepy ones who seemingly don't know how to handle themselves.
manders_01 Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 Maybe they allow women to. I dunno. I remember reading about how the recipient could read the message, but not respond unless they subscribe. So people first slipped phone numbers and emails into the messages, but Match tried to block those out...then people even went to the point of cleverly hiding the number in words throughout the message. I guess they eventually just decided to only send the non-subscriber an email that someone messaged them. It's not a perfect system IMHO...hence why I usually suggest one pay site and the two free sites, as well as making the effort to do other things. In all honesty, I'd love it if dating sites would add a "REJECT" button. So someone would press it on a profile, and then the person rejected would never see that someone show up in searches or browsing. Kind of like how when you block someone on Facebook you become nonexistent to them. So men and women who get emailed by people they're 100% not into they can just "reject", even send a reply without worry of a reply back with drama. The person is cut off. People could even go through the browse and just reject everyone they never want to hear from. Does this sound shallow and cold? Yeah. What happens to the man or woman who comes online and has practically no one in their browse? They would get maybe a message saying how they might want to change how they act, or how they present themselves. Plus get advertisements for dating coaches. I just think while loads of people join dating sites, too many more singles think there is a bad stigma attached to it all, even in this day, and especially women want to be able to join and not deal with all the "little boys" and other creepy ones who seemingly don't know how to handle themselves. Not anymore. I had to subscribe to read the first email I received. OKC and Match do have this, sort of. Both allow you to hide profiles (and yes, I have done it, I'm shallow and cold too ).
bac Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 I've tried free sites like okcupid and plentyoffish and have never really had much success. I don't find that many people I'm interested in, and I've never managed to move a relationship from online to offline. I feel like moving to a paid site might be the way to go because I'm assuming anyone paying the rather high fees they charge might be a little more serious about actually finding someone to date. Thanks in advance! Everyone pays on match. Success depends on your gender, age and personality. If you are a woman, your success is limited by the number of guys who are interested in you. If you are older than 30, your success is limited by the fact that all quality people are already taken by others. If you have problems because of your personality and attitude, nothing can help you to buid a LTR. But, you can find easily people with the same problems for ONSs and FWBs online.
GivenUp0083 Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 I mentioned this in another online dating thread last night. Sometimes it's something about themselves that cause them not to write back. If there is something that the guy writing me (or someone the site has matched me with) and I aren't compatible on, if it's a biggie for me, I won't pursue. Would it be kind of them to write you back indicating they don't feel you are a good match? Absolutely. Do they have the right not to? Of course. PS There was actually a very good article written about email response etiquette here. I realize they're not going to write back to say they aren't interested. What bothers me is I don't know WHAT the "biggie" is. I don't know if there's one thing that is in my profile that is coming up as a red flag to these women or if I'm just not attractive (others have told me I am attractive and my pictures are good), or maybe it's my height as I'm only 5'8". As for being picky, that doesn't make sense to me....you're on a DATING website. You're having a hard time one way or the other of meeting men that you are interested in or are looking for the same things you are. To judge so many on a one page profile, deny them a response as a way to get to know them better, and then chalk it up to "picky" is very superficial to me. I can't help but wonder of all the losers that email her, how many great ones she ends up passing up as well. It's a numbers game for the woman as well, and I have a news flash for the women out there: time is not on your side.
manders_01 Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 I realize they're not going to write back to say they aren't interested. What bothers me is I don't know WHAT the "biggie" is. I don't know if there's one thing that is in my profile that is coming up as a red flag to these women or if I'm just not attractive (others have told me I am attractive and my pictures are good), or maybe it's my height as I'm only 5'8". As for being picky, that doesn't make sense to me....you're on a DATING website. You're having a hard time one way or the other of meeting men that you are interested in or are looking for the same things you are. To judge so many on a one page profile, deny them a response as a way to get to know them better, and then chalk it up to "picky" is very superficial to me. I can't help but wonder of all the losers that email her, how many great ones she ends up passing up as well. It's a numbers game for the woman as well, and I have a news flash for the women out there: time is not on your side. And that is something you will never know. Because more than likely if they do write back, they will leave it vague and just mention that you are not a good match, they're not interested, they've started dating someone, etc. My biggest "being picky" item is whether the guy wants kids or not. If he definitely does, and more so if he says how many (which you can do both of on Match), I would not pursue. That relationship is doomed from the start. Others are drugs, even weed, and I prefer they be taller than me. I'd say only one of those is actually superficial. But it's my right to be that way.
GivenUp0083 Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 And that is something you will never know. Because more than likely if they do write back, they will leave it vague and just mention that you are not a good match, they're not interested, they've started dating someone, etc. My biggest "being picky" item is whether the guy wants kids or not. If he definitely does, and more so if he says how many (which you can do both of on Match), I would not pursue. That relationship is doomed from the start. Others are drugs, even weed, and I prefer they be taller than me. I'd say only one of those is actually superficial. But it's my right to be that way. Well I don't state whether I want kids or not on OKC (even though I do want kids), and I don't do drugs nor do I mention that either. My point is, dealbreakers such as the ones you mentioned as an example, aren't even in the profile, so how am I being ruled out on things they don't even know about me yet? That's the crazy part for me, I don't even get responses. They don't even ASK me if I want kids or not.
manders_01 Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 Well I don't state whether I want kids or not on OKC (even though I do want kids), and I don't do drugs nor do I mention that either. My point is, dealbreakers such as the ones you mentioned as an example, aren't even in the profile, so how am I being ruled out on things they don't even know about me yet? That's the crazy part for me, I don't even get responses. They don't even ASK me if I want kids or not. Do you have a lot of questions answered on OKC? I find a lot of information there that ends up being deal breakers for me. If not, unfortunately, I don't know what to say. Sometimes women who are doing online dating are looking for the perfect one, aren't actually looking, are already taken but haven't removed their profile, aren't attracted to you, don't feel you are good enough for them, aren't secure enough in themselves to think you are actually interested, etc. Hope it turns around for you soon!
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