piscis Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 Hi! I have not posted for a while. I have been not able to end my R with the MM I work with. It's been almost 2 years. Anyway I am frustrated right now, and just wanted to say so. Nothing much to do about it by the way, right now I do not even have the strenght to think correctly.
Silly_Girl Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 Hi again. How is life? Not your affair, not your MM, but your life... Are you having fun, seeing friends? Are you taking good care of yourself physically? And emotionally? How ARE you?
Emme Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 Sorry to hear it hun. What are you frustrated about? What do you want to happen that isn't happening?
jwi71 Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 Hi! I have not posted for a while. I have been not able to end my R with the MM I work with. It's been almost 2 years. Anyway I am frustrated right now, and just wanted to say so. Nothing much to do about it by the way, right now I do not even have the strenght to think correctly. I remember you. I had hoped an update would be more positive. Why are you frustrated? What, precisely, is frustrating you?
TurboGirl Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 Hi! I have not posted for a while. I have been not able to end my R with the MM I work with. It's been almost 2 years. Anyway I am frustrated right now, and just wanted to say so. Nothing much to do about it by the way, right now I do not even have the strenght to think correctly. The longer you are in the A the harder it will be to end it... and the worse you will feel when it ends! Because it will end. Did he tell you he was leaving his W and would be with you? What is the main thing you are frustrated with?
Author piscis Posted July 18, 2011 Author Posted July 18, 2011 (edited) Hi!! Well I am mad with myself for believing. I stopped posting months ago and today I went through my posts and I realized I am in the same place I was months ago. Silly Girl, with your questions you made me see that I have lost of things inthe world and I allow this man to not let me see everyting I have. Life is really good if I think about it but I am so stucked in this R that sometimes I forget I really have a nice life. The thing is nothing has changed, he is and will continue home, and I know he has lied to me and I am really mad with me for not leaving. I joined a codependecy group and it is really hard, mostly because I am not that religious and even though it is not focused on a God but in a higher power its is hard. I am sick and tired of myself for not ending this R that hurts me and makes me cry more than it makes me smile. And today I just wanted to say it loud because as I feel as I feel it is difficult to see it can change.... Thanks for caring Edited July 18, 2011 by piscis
spice4life Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 Affairs can do that to a person so feel it and don't beat yourself up over it. Hope you feel better soon!
waytogo Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 Hi!! Well I am mad with myself for believing. I stopped posting months ago and today I went through my posts and I realized I am in the same place I was months ago. Silly Girl, with your questions you made me see that I have lost of things inthe world and I allow this man to not let me see everyting I have. Life is really good if I think about it but I am so stucked in this R that sometimes I forget I really have a nice life. The thing is nothing has changed, he is and will continue home, and I know he has lied to me and I am really mad with me for not leaving. I joined a codependecy group and it is really hard, mostly because I am not that religious and even though it is not focused on a God but in a higher power its is hard. I am sick and tired of myself for not ending this R that hurts me and makes me cry more than it makes me smile. And today I just wanted to say it loud because as I feel as I feel it is difficult to see it can change.... Thanks for caring Gently Pices, I say from a previous post of yours, you were ready to end for the same reasons near a year ago. If it helps, you may look at my post about A's lacking imagination. A's can become as/more boring than any M could ever. Not much new to look into, etc. I was beginning to check-out of my A for months before I really did. The final straw? I realized I intended to get work done 1 day but only stared at the computer for a whole day. I literally sat there in some perallysis of sorts with my work on some pages, all other infidelity reading. I could say I didn't get anything done; but guess I absorbed something from the infidelity sites. It just sunk in. There was nothing to build on the 'R' I'd been investing myself. I bit the bullet and prepared to examine my life and what I want in it. It was interesting, xMM once reminded of the last kiss we had years ago. I actually didn't remember it. I recently realized I was driving past the place that it happened. It's out of biz. While I'm sorry for those biz owners', it's seems appropriate to my sitch. The end is just the end. Good news, new begginings are amazing!
whichwayisup Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 When you ready and truly at the bottom, at your worst, and can't take it anymore, you will end it. Once you rid of ANY hope, you'll end it. Once you see the reality for what it is, you can decide if you want to continue on as the OW, settle and accept how things are, choose to be a happy OW or end it so you can find a guy who will love and adore ONLY you. Good luck and I hope you find the strength you need to walk away..
Silly_Girl Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 Silly Girl, with your questions you made me see that I have lost of things inthe world and I allow this man to not let me see everyting I have. Life is really good if I think about it but I am so stucked in this R that sometimes I forget I really have a nice life. It's so easy, Piscis, to let the relationship stuff sneak to the front of your mind over and above everything else. It's a question of discipline. When I broke up with my guy I was heartbroken like never before. My counsellor helped me to train myself to only think of him and deal with those issues at a certain time of the day and the rest of the time I had to push it away and fill my life with all the other positive things around me. You have positive things too but you're not taking time to appreciate them. Some of the key is 'fake it til you make it'. Even faking TO YOURSELF sometimes. Getting on and doing things, going places, seeing people when your heart is not in it at all. But those things do help you to regain your identity and remind you that there is a life, whether MM exists or not. The man could be struck down dead by lightning tomorrow - would that mean you no longer have a life worth living??? NO!!! You're a person in your own right and whether you're happy or not is your responsibility. You can be happy with him in your life, or happy without him, but most important is that you get back to what really matters here... You.
Gentlegirl Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 It's so very easy to become absorbed in the A that you let it swallow you up. The longer you stay , the more involved you will become. Then you will islolate yourself from real life. You will be miserable, you will be frustrated. You are stuck in a very dark place. I was there for almost 3 years. The feelings are intense for sure and it is emotionally draining. Soul destroying is another thing that comes to my mind. Unfortunately , it is a hard road to go NC and get right away from the toxic fumes of the A. It can be done and a lot of people here have. I am 10 months NC now. I still think of him in some way most days. I just binned all the poems he wrote me. I actually had to hide them because my family is often in my house. They had to go because they were a link with him and I REALLY no longer want it. I don't cherish memories because the pain has obliterated any good feeling I ever had about the MM. Don't waste another year and make it 3 as I did. It's difficult but do able. My thoughts are with you, Gentlegirl.
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