Ah, modern dating -- and FWB

[USCGAviator]

Funny thing....I happen to make a great FWB partner. I'm also quite attractive

[catchthedrift]

I only had one FWB in my life, I shared no interests with him, we had way too many awkward moments, and the sex wasn't fun to me because I wasn't emotionally attracted to him enough. Not my cup of tea, but each their own...

As for your story:

If this guy has feelings for you - stop seeing him! His heart will get broken. Does seem to me like he doesn't really know what he is in for with you and you need to make it more clear to him!

[OliveOyl]

I am always intrigued to hear about FWB plans. I have no judgement against FWBs, but I just couldn't do it. Not being able to get emotionally involved/attached would be so much harder for me and would far outweigh the "benefits". The idea of someone getting up after a fun romp and leaving instead of staying all night... I couldn't handle that

 

I thought I wanted something closer to a FWB when I started thinking about dating at the end of my marriage, but it turns out I was wrong, seems I want the whole kit and kaboodle...

[Ruby Slippers]

Olive, I NEVER thought I would be OK with FWB. But the brief times it has worked, I have had a great time with it. It has been a good exercise in honest communication, being in the moment, and enjoying fun times with a man in a free, unconstrained way.

 

I think the key is that in both cases, the guy was more into me. It would probably be a lot harder if I liked him more and he could take it or leave it. Like carhill says, the person who cares the least has the most power. But I'm not one to abuse any power I may have.

[musemaj11]

Maybe I will be alone, but at least I can have some fun.

 

For the record, I haven't lied or misled anyone. I have been 100% straight-shooting, i.e.: "I'm not interested in a relationship with you because of X. But I like you and think you're cool and sexy. Are you interested in something light-hearted and fun only -- hanging out and having sex? You are free to look for a relationship elsewhere, as am I."

 

They are free to say yes or no.

If u were a guy saying this to a girl, you would be in a great risk of receiving a slap across the face. Lol

[thatone]

 

Seriously, I have friends who are beautiful, own their own businesses, are fun and loving, in great shape, not clingy or needy -- and we just keep meeting these guys with major issues, cheaters, liars, *******s, commitment phobes. It's not just me.

 

And you know, I have no problem dating a guy who earns less than me, has less going on socially, isn't in the best shape in the world, whatever. But in my experience, if you are doing better than the guy in just about any area, he gets threatened and insecure, and stirs up a bunch of BS about it.

 

the above statements struck me, and i have a theory based on my own experience.

 

if you look at younger women these days, from a man's standpoint, it's pretty damn difficult. the women you describe have their entire week planned down to the hour, in many cases. that's why the common phrase you see so often from women on dating websites is they're "looking for someone who can keep up with me".

 

well, the answer to that is no.

 

men approach, men are expected to plan and pay for dates, men initiate physical contact. when the response we get to the attempt to initiate any of those laundry list of things we are expected to do is "i'm busy", well, the needy/clingy one starts to look a lot better, at least her response will be positive.

 

those women you describe might potentially be better long term material than the needy types, but then again, not really. i'm not interested in tagging along in some woman's insanely hectic life, no matter how tempting her appearance and personality may be, nor am i interested in being activity #347 on the back burner in any given week for whenever she feels like it.

 

i may be a bit more jaded looking at the past since i've recently met a woman with a lot more potential than my last few, but the more i think back on the ones who didn't pan out, the more i think that the overly busy schedules that these women keep were huge red flags.

 

seriously, taking a past example of mine if you go to school full time monday through friday, work full time on tuesday through saturday, and won't give up your sunday gym sports get togethers, then i'm sorry you just need to be single, i'm not taking a back seat to your softball league.

 

it's not insecurity you're seeing, it's frustration.

 

speaking of the much more promising one i recently met, that's a lot of the reason WHY she is more promising. she is busier than me, but she puts a real effort into meeting me halfway on things. she always returns calls, she always keeps her promises about meeting at a time or calling at a certain time. she will stay out later than she should here and there if we find something we are both having a lot of fun doing or seeing or whatever, not every day but when she can, and i reciprocate by leaving her alone the next day so she can get a nap in after work to catch back up if she missed sleep the night before. when she does need to do something else or be somewhere else that doesn't involve me she lets me know in advance and suggests the next date/time herself to show effort on her part, rather than simply ignoring texts/phone calls or responding to a suggestion of mine with a "sorry i'm busy that day".

 

you know, simple communication and common courtesy 101, the part that so many people seem to have missed out on these days, since they grew up socializing on a phone and facebook .

 

so to summarize this rant, a few suggestions to your highly available and desirable friends...

 

a) NEVER ignore a phone call/text, if you can't answer right now, call back as soon as you can

b) NEVER respond negatively without offering something positive as an olive branch

c) NEVER cancel a date without apologizing and offering something in return at a different time

d) NEVER tell a man no to any suggestion of his for a date due to anything less than work or family. (and yes i'm saying your female friends do not count)

Edited July 19, 2011 by thatone

[musemaj11]

I think the reason that most women are unattracted to FWB relationship is because most women still see sex as something that men take from women, so they feel used when a man is only interested in having sex with them.

[mitchell]

Ruby, I think your just too loveable! No doubt you are hot and sexy, but the guys all fall for your loveable nature.

[Emilia]

the above statements struck me, and i have a theory based on my own experience.

 

if you look at younger women these days, from a man's standpoint, it's pretty damn difficult. the women you describe have their entire week planned down to the hour, in many cases. that's why the common phrase you see so often from women on dating websites is they're "looking for someone who can keep up with me".

 

well, the answer to that is no.

 

men approach, men are expected to plan and pay for dates, men initiate physical contact. when the response we get to the attempt to initiate any of those laundry list of things we are expected to do is "i'm busy", well, the needy/clingy one starts to look a lot better, at least her response will be positive.

 

those women you describe might potentially be better long term material than the needy types, but then again, not really. i'm not interested in tagging along in some woman's insanely hectic life, no matter how tempting her appearance and personality may be, nor am i interested in being activity #347 on the back burner in any given week for whenever she feels like it.

 

i may be a bit more jaded looking at the past since i've recently met a woman with a lot more potential than my last few, but the more i think back on the ones who didn't pan out, the more i think that the overly busy schedules that these women keep were huge red flags.

 

[ ... ]

 

a) NEVER ignore a phone call/text, if you can't answer right now, call back as soon as you can

b) NEVER respond negatively without offering something positive as an olive branch

c) NEVER cancel a date without apologizing and offering something in return at a different time

d) NEVER tell a man no to any suggestion of his for a date due to anything less than work or family. (and yes i'm saying your female friends do not count)

 

Probably agree with this. I think I made this 'mistake' a few years ago - although admittedly I wasn't looking for a relationship only casual dating so guess it didn't harm anyone.

 

When I tried online dating sites I was tempted to put that line about men keeping up with me but not in the same context. There are very few things that I plan more than 72 hours in advance, often only on the same day, because too much planning is suffocating. It is true though that women from this point of view in general are less easy going than guys.

 

Most acitivies I arrange tend to be with men because they are freely available to jump in the car and go surfing at the drop of a hat. I don't see my girlfriends that much anymore because I have to apply 2 weeks in advance for their time. I can see my male friends any time pretty much (unless they are dating someone).

 

On the other hand though, a lot of men my age I know are just lazy and can't be bothered with stuff, just want to watch the telly and grow a beer gut. This is what some of us mean when we say please keep up with us. Please don't grow lazy and fat but stay active and make the effort.

 

Agree with a) b) c) d)

[VertexSquared]

Interesting -- where are you looking for relationship material? Online?

[zengirl]

Well, I'm not asking you to cry over people not getting attractive FWBs either. Though, I do feel it is harder than you believe for guys because even less attractive women get asked for casual sex often enough. However, someone who wants sex simply becuase she is 'in her sexual prime' cannot blame men for doing the same.

 

I don't think anyone is blaming men for wanting FWBs. I just made the distinction that the OP is not at all lying so it's okay. Wanting most things is fine; it's if you lie or cheat or hurt people to get what you want that it becomes a problem. From what she says, the OP is being very honest and trying hard to not hurt anyone in the process. If any man seeking a FWB could say the same (and I'm sure some can, some can't, and that likely applies to some women as well, though the OP's way about it seems fine), then he's fine in my eyes too.

 

If an ugly girl wants to be in a beauty pageant, it doesn't give her a right to sabotage the other contestants because she has a low chance of getting what she wants honestly. So the "ease" in getting something should have no impact on how you try for it or how your character allows you to treat other people, so I'm not seeing the "Well, but it's easy for women!" argument.

 

Sure, they may lie to her or her friends about their intentions. Will the OP or any women in a similar FWB relationship disclose that she is in one to a guy she genuinely likes and wants a relationship with?

 

The OP has subsequently said she'd stop it if she found a guy she really liked. Which seems wise.

 

Though I'm not saying this is a bad point, Sanman. Frankly, I think entering into a FWB or playing around makes it less likely to get into a good LTR (I've not tried it, but observation) since the friends I have that are most likely to do that are the friends I have that are single for the longest time (and they start this activity at the beginning of their single time, so it's not like they took it up because it's "been so long!"). But I couldn't say why. My theory is that it numbs you to real intimacy and human connection, but I'd say the same for men. Most of the men I've dated in the past five years had outgrown casual sex before I met them, and if it makes for a much better partner in a man (and I'd say it does), I cannot imagine it's any different with a woman. (Again, no offense, OP, just a different perspective.)

 

That said, I don't think that means there's anything wrong with it perse. But I also think multi-dating is fair game, and I'd never tell a guy about it unless he asked, because that's basic etiquette. Then again, I don't sleep with anyone when I multi-date, so maybe that makes it different. I really couldn't say. I think as long as the OP stopped her FWB activity once she realized she really liked the guy, that's honest. Her activity with another man hasn't impacted him at all. It's different than lying to someone and directly using them, which has a big impact. YMMV.

 

I think the key is that in both cases, the guy was more into me. It would probably be a lot harder if I liked him more and he could take it or leave it. Like carhill says, the person who cares the least has the most power. But I'm not one to abuse any power I may have.

 

But what's the fun in sleeping with someone you're not mad about? I just don't get it. (Not criticizing. . . just hard to wrap my head around.)

 

I think the reason that most women are unattracted to FWB relationship is because most women still see sex as something that men take from women, so they feel used when a man is only interested in having sex with them.

 

I can only speak for myself but I'm uninterested in it because I still see sex as something intimate and loving that happens with someone I really care about. Old-fashioned, maybe, but that's the only way sex is actually fun and interesting to me. (It's not a matter of morality or anything like that---I don't think people are bad people for sleeping around or doing FWBs or whatever; I just don't understand how it's any fun.)

Edited July 19, 2011 by zengirl

[Emilia]

Interesting -- where are you looking for relationship material? Online?

 

Me? Not anymore. I did during recession when I had less money to do interesting stuff. Now that I am earning enough in a steady job I meet men through sports/activities/etc. I didn't find online worked for me anyway, people tend to be unadventurous (guess by nature of the medium)

[tigressA]

I had a couple of FWB situations. The first one was perfect. We weren't each other's type for a relationship, but we were really physically attracted, so we took advantage of that. He was my first partner. We were really honest and open--he offered, I accepted. There was no vague possibility of something deeper.

 

The second one was a disaster. Things were vague, he said he liked me but didn't want a relationship, etc, and I tried to change his mind. I really fell for him and I still had lingering feelings for him even when I was dating other people. I had cheated on my long-term ex with him. When I was single again I became a person I really didn't like in order to try to hook him. The whole drama didn't end until over 2 years after it started. Goes without saying that this incident turned me off FWB arrangements.

 

The absolute best way to go about having a FWB arrangement is to be completely honest about what it is. When it's left open-ended--as in, maybe we'll just f*ck, maybe we'll end up in a relationship, who knows--more often than not it's massive drama.

[Sanman]

I don't think anyone is blaming men for wanting FWBs. I just made the distinction that the OP is not at all lying so it's okay. Wanting most things is fine; it's if you lie or cheat or hurt people to get what you want that it becomes a problem. From what she says, the OP is being very honest and trying hard to not hurt anyone in the process. If any man seeking a FWB could say the same (and I'm sure some can, some can't, and that likely applies to some women as well, though the OP's way about it seems fine), then he's fine in my eyes too.

 

If an ugly girl wants to be in a beauty pageant, it doesn't give her a right to sabotage the other contestants because she has a low chance of getting what she wants honestly. So the "ease" in getting something should have no impact on how you try for it or how your character allows you to treat other people, so I'm not seeing the "Well, but it's easy for women!" argument.

 

 

 

The OP has subsequently said she'd stop it if she found a guy she really liked. Which seems wise.

 

Though I'm not saying this is a bad point, Sanman. Frankly, I think entering into a FWB or playing around makes it less likely to get into a good LTR (I've not tried it, but observation) since the friends I have that are most likely to do that are the friends I have that are single for the longest time (and they start this activity at the beginning of their single time, so it's not like they took it up because it's "been so long!"). But I couldn't say why. My theory is that it numbs you to real intimacy and human connection, but I'd say the same for men. Most of the men I've dated in the past five years had outgrown casual sex before I met them, and if it makes for a much better partner in a man (and I'd say it does), I cannot imagine it's any different with a woman. (Again, no offense, OP, just a different perspective.)

 

That said, I don't think that means there's anything wrong with it perse. But I also think multi-dating is fair game, and I'd never tell a guy about it unless he asked, because that's basic etiquette. Then again, I don't sleep with anyone when I multi-date, so maybe that makes it different. I really couldn't say. I think as long as the OP stopped her FWB activity once she realized she really liked the guy, that's honest. Her activity with another man hasn't impacted him at all. It's different than lying to someone and directly using them, which has a big impact. YMMV.

 

Well, I think it is good OP is honest about this as most people are not. Then again, it is also a question of volunteering the info as most people wouldn't think to ask about this or the 1,000 or complications that people hold back. As for using people, she is using a person and taking advantage of the fact that he likes her. The difference is that she would be knowingly using the guy rather than unknowingly using someone. It is taking advantage of your position. In the same way, most guys I know do not openly lie about things. They also take advantage of their position and lie by omission. Usually, that means dating a woman and avoiding all talk of exclusivity and real relationships and moving on when she tries pinning him down. I'm not judging whether any of this is right or wrong, I am simply saying that I don't find one so disparate from the other. In the end, someone usually gets hurt both ways and it can be messy. Frankly, I have been there and I am just tired of all of that as it is too complicated for my busy life now. I find that I kind of like just dating one girl and getting to really know her for a relationship as long as she is of the same mindset.

[Scottdmw]

RS, I can understand the attraction of a FWB situation, in theory it sounds like it has a lot of the benefits without the negatives of an actual relationship, or like it can at least be a substitute temporarily. But, I think there are some serious problems that just make it not worth it.

 

First, there are risks. Even with safe sex, there is a real possibility of pregnancy or disease. There is no complete safety from these things. The typical user failure rate for even the pill is around 11%/couple/year. Maybe you are more careful than average, but maybe not. Some diseases are curable, some aren't. If you end up with an incurable disease, or an accidental pregnancy, those are going to have repercussions if you ever meet a guy that you really like. Both of those possibilities create baggage for you, maybe a little bit maybe a lot, it's hard to say in advance. If in a year or two you do meet the man you feel you'd like to be with, how will you feel if he rejects you because of one of these reasons? Will the temporary sex have been worth it?

 

Even if you avoid those two problems there is the emotional side. Maybe you have succeeded in the past in having a FWB relationship where you didn't get attached. That is no guarantee you'll be able to do the same thing again. Human beings are made to bond emotionally during sex, that's the way hormones are supposed to work. It is quite a slippery slope because the better and more fun sex is the more likely it is to create intense bonding. And, conversely the more skillful you get at not bonding during sex, the more likely you will continue to do that if you do meet a good guy. You could end up with a heart that is so armor plated no one can get in.

 

It just seems like a bad idea to me, honestly. You're taking significant risks of not actually finding a real love relationship in return for temporary sexual fulfillment.

 

Scott

[zengirl]

Well, I think it is good OP is honest about this as most people are not. Then again, it is also a question of volunteering the info as most people wouldn't think to ask about this or the 1,000 or complications that people hold back.

 

I disagree. Those complications are super obvious to anyone who has even an iota of relationship/sex experience, IMO. Or, heck, has watched a TV show.

 

As for using people, she is using a person and taking advantage of the fact that he likes her. The difference is that she would be knowingly using the guy rather than unknowingly using someone.

 

It's not "using" someone if you say honestly going in what you want and they agree to it. That's a mutual decision to keep a relationship on a certain level. Totally different.

 

It is taking advantage of your position. In the same way, most guys I know do not openly lie about things. They also take advantage of their position and lie by omission. Usually, that means dating a woman and avoiding all talk of exclusivity and real relationships and moving on when she tries pinning him down.

 

I find this lame, but it's not openly lying and really women need to be more assertive and intuitive in that process as well. It's why I wait until exclusivity is established to have sex, personally. Because guys do things like this. What makes it openly lying is what they say. Some guys will do this but also talk about the future, say they really like the girl, make allusions to her being GF material, etc, and still never get pinned down. That crosses the line IMO.

 

At any rate, what the OP does is entirely different. She makes it 100% clear what she wants and doesn't force the other person to be on their game and make sure they establish it. To me, that makes it totally disparate. That would be more like the guy saying, "I'm going to take you on dates and treat you nicely, and we'll have sex, but I'm not going to get pinned down into a relationship. Are you okay with that?" There's absolutely no line to even worry about crossing there, as everything is laid out with integrity. (The fact that it would rarely work isn't the point. The integrity in an action has nothing to do with its efficacy.)

[Untouchable_Fire]

So, I met this pretty cool and quite sexy guy this weekend, but he's not relationship material for me. In spite of this, I like a lot of things about him. I might consider him as a FWB, but the problem I have run into in my past 2 FWB situations (guy I was dating that I tried this with, and guy I asked to be FWB from the start) is that the guys had feelings and couldn't keep those out of the equation.

I was totally honest with this guy about this possibility and my experiences with FWB, and said my worry is that he will fall for me, because it seems that all guys I get involved with do. He laughed and said, "Well, your confidence is certainly very sexy," then got even more moony eyed. haha

We were also talking about my fitness regimen, and he said at the very least, he'd love to go running with me, as he'd like to get in better shape, too.

Is this a bad idea?

I'm starting to think that if I really want a FWB, I'm going to have to go for some super hot guy who has many options and is less likely to get attached to me. But the truth is that I prefer guys who are very intelligent, creative, and cool, and, in my experience, really hot guys are usually dumb and just not that interesting -- hence, not very attractive to me.

Has anyone had a successful FWB situation? How did you make that happen?

 

What's the point? You are so emotionally F***ed up that you are incapable of an actual relationship?

[Untouchable_Fire]

speaking of the much more promising one i recently met, that's a lot of the reason WHY she is more promising. she is busier than me, but she puts a real effort into meeting me halfway on things. she always returns calls, she always keeps her promises about meeting at a time or calling at a certain time. she will stay out later than she should here and there if we find something we are both having a lot of fun doing or seeing or whatever, not every day but when she can, and i reciprocate by leaving her alone the next day so she can get a nap in after work to catch back up if she missed sleep the night before. when she does need to do something else or be somewhere else that doesn't involve me she lets me know in advance and suggests the next date/time herself to show effort on her part, rather than simply ignoring texts/phone calls or responding to a suggestion of mine with a "sorry i'm busy that day".

 

I think you are stumbling upon the secret here. They are not as busy as you may believe. If she really likes you... then she will MAKE time for you.

 

I've dated women that seemed like I had to plan dates 2 months in advance. I found there was a lot more free time in her schedule than she let on. In fact I suspect she had a full 8 hours during the day free, because she rarely ever did her job while at work.

[iris219]

You're taking significant risks of not actually finding a real love relationship in return for temporary sexual fulfillment.

 

I completely agree with this. FWB seems like such a waste of time and a bad idea (or more accurately, an idea I don't understand). I'd rather be out with friends and having the possibility of meeting someone suitable vs. sleeping with someone I'm not interested in. FWB seem like a lot of work for little reward.

 

Even if you don't develop feelings, you will still be investing time and energy that could be better spent. I also believe that you become not as open to a real relationship, should it present itself, because you're placated with sex and some emotional fulfillment.

 

But, if you can think make work, go for it! As others have said, just be honest about your intentions.

[zengirl]

I won't go out with a new guy on the same night he asks or anything (he has to plan a little bit in advance for the first few dates) and I won't drop plans I'm looking forward to already even for my BF (but he'd probably know about my plans anyway and, in most cases unless it was a true "Girl's Night" type thing, be invited, if he wants to come), but if you're having more trouble scheduling a date than a simple, "Aw, bummer, I'm not free Tuesday, how about Thursday?" type of deal, yeah, she's not into you.

 

I also believe that you become not as open to a real relationship, should it present itself, because you're placated with sex and some emotional fulfillment.

 

I think I tried to say this, poorly, above, in my discussion with Sanman, but you put it quite well, iris. That's exactly why I think a lot of girls I know actually suffer in their relationship quest if they engage in FWB and perhaps think its best done if you're truly not looking for any relationship at all. (Mileage may vary and no judgment towards the OP---just a thought.)

[thatone]

Probably agree with this. I think I made this 'mistake' a few years ago - although admittedly I wasn't looking for a relationship only casual dating so guess it didn't harm anyone.

 

When I tried online dating sites I was tempted to put that line about men keeping up with me but not in the same context. There are very few things that I plan more than 72 hours in advance, often only on the same day, because too much planning is suffocating. It is true though that women from this point of view in general are less easy going than guys.

 

Most acitivies I arrange tend to be with men because they are freely available to jump in the car and go surfing at the drop of a hat. I don't see my girlfriends that much anymore because I have to apply 2 weeks in advance for their time. I can see my male friends any time pretty much (unless they are dating someone).

 

On the other hand though, a lot of men my age I know are just lazy and can't be bothered with stuff, just want to watch the telly and grow a beer gut. This is what some of us mean when we say please keep up with us. Please don't grow lazy and fat but stay active and make the effort.

 

Agree with a) b) c) d)

 

i think that's why these FWB arrangements become more and more common. women particularly with their multi tasking skills that we men don't have seem to fill their schedules with lots of pre-planned activity to occupy themselves when they're single, and then find themselves obligated to so many other people in those activities that they can't make room for a man when they do meet one.

 

I think you are stumbling upon the secret here. They are not as busy as you may believe. If she really likes you... then she will MAKE time for you.

 

I've dated women that seemed like I had to plan dates 2 months in advance. I found there was a lot more free time in her schedule than she let on. In fact I suspect she had a full 8 hours during the day free, because she rarely ever did her job while at work.

 

well, it's a finer line than that from my experience due to the reasons listed above. there really are lots of women out there who have every day accounted for without leaving any leisure time open at all.

 

for me personally, i don't mind working around the schedules of others within reason but i'll be a lot quicker to lose interest if a woman is that busy. and if there's a 'needy' one on the backburner, she can very easily move up a spot due to that.

[pyroguy]

Actually, it is.

I went to a lecture on the geometry of music a while back -- for FUN. I'm an insatiable learner, and intelligence is THE biggest turn on for me. If the guy is dumb, no matter how hot he is, he just doesn't hold my interest.

But I can have an hour-long conversation with a guy about physics and want to rip his clothes off as soon as he mentions multiverse theory.

I messaged and sent a couple of pictures to this quite nerdy and slightly overweight guy on OK Cupid last night, an astrophysicist who seems totally brilliant from his profile, but he hasn't written back. That surprised me. I approached him in a non-sexual, no-pressure way. My hope is that he is crafting the perfect response as we speak.

 

Don't doubt for a second that this guy is completely intimidated by you...looks anyway...no matter how smart he may be. He knows the way things are these days, and contrary to what women will tell you, it's just as had or harder for men today. See if you hear back from him.

[iris219]

well, it's a finer line than that from my experience due to the reasons listed above. there really are lots of women out there who have every day accounted for without leaving any leisure time open at all.

 

for me personally, i don't mind working around the schedules of others within reason but i'll be a lot quicker to lose interest if a woman is that busy. and if there's a 'needy' one on the backburner, she can very easily move up a spot due to that.

 

You just described me in the bolded part.

 

I know we've gotten off topic, but I wanted to say no one HAS to be constantly busy. I’m very busy because what’s the alternative? Hanging out at home with a book and my dog. This is fine on occasion, but I choose to be on the go constantly—I check in at home throughout the day to see my dog, but I’m busy from first thing in the morning until late at night many days. I won’t get home today until after 9:30 pm today and I won’t even have time to make it to the gym.

 

I rarely say no when invited to social functions. If I know someone, anyone going anywhere, I will probably go, and often I'm trying to do three different activities in one night (and I still don’t meet anyone suitable for dating!).

 

If I met someone I wanted to hang out with, I would suddenly get a lot less busy. Guaranteed. And when I don’t I want to hang out with someone, I’m very good at convincing even myself that I’m too busy.

[pyroguy]

I WANT a real relationship, but I am not finding good candidates for that. And I'm at my sexual peak, so I have to do something!!

 

This guy actually told me that he thinks the women generally outclass the man on dating sites. He said, "These women have lots of higher education, great jobs, active social lives, and just everything in the world going for them." I said, "Yeah, most of my friends are having trouble finding guys anywhere near their level. We are all meeting a lot of... losers and *******s."

 

Seriously, I have friends who are beautiful, own their own businesses, are fun and loving, in great shape, not clingy or needy -- and we just keep meeting these guys with major issues, cheaters, liars, *******s, commitment phobes. It's not just me.

 

And you know, I have no problem dating a guy who earns less than me, has less going on socially, isn't in the best shape in the world, whatever. But in my experience, if you are doing better than the guy in just about any area, he gets threatened and insecure, and stirs up a bunch of BS about it.

 

 

To that last part; I think modern women are more likely to have the issue with it. I would say more guys like this get cheated on than any other...but I don't have stats to back that up...just an opinion. Society really isn't ok with this yet, despite what others may say.

[nyc_guy2003]

I think my face is cute to a little more than cute, and my body is fit, sexy, and very hot.

 

I'm not trying to objectify women or anything, but could you send me some pics so that I can fully appreciate the context of this thread, thanks.