lemonlegs Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 Hi everyone. I broke up with my boyfriend almost a month ago because I really just needed my space. Being 19, we spent WAY too much time together and it was way too intense for me to handle. We still talked quite a bit VIA text or phone calls, but we only saw each other once and haven't slept together. This past weekend I felt very sad while in a different city with friends but all's I could do was think of him. I feel very conflicted now... I don't know whether I truly miss being with him or if this is just a natural feeling that will subside. I don't want to act out of fear of him moving on if he waits for me any longer or because I'm simply just missing a relationship or if I truly miss him. You'd think it'd be easy to tell, but it's so not. I don't know what to do at this point. Any advice?
thelovingkind Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 I've experienced this recently, and as someone who's been broken up with. Personally, I consider myself to have moved on. I'm in a good clear mental space again where I've accepted that my life always comes back down to me and that I don't need anyone else to validate that existence. I'm ready to meet someone new when that person comes along. I no longer cry or experience depression. I am not the lost, disconsolate soul that I was four weeks ago. But I do get lonely. And when I get lonely, almost inevitably I think of my ex. I wouldn't argue with the statement that "I miss my ex from time to time". I do think, however, that this only occurs because he was the last person with whom I experienced deep intimacy. Before I met him, my mind would drift back, on occasion, to the last person before him with whom I had that connection. You could say that it's less of a personal loss for me now. It is not loneliness that centers around him and his unique qualities and our unique qualities as partners, it is more of a "generic" loneliness that is simply flavoured with his presence. He was the last person to get into that corner of my mind that engages with romantic connection and intimacy, so of course that corner will still have remnants of his being there until the presence of someone new comes flooding in and obliterates the last memories of him. I don't know if I feel comfortable providing any advice based on the information you've given, but I would say that despite these occasional feelings I absolutely want to meet someone new, someone who won't leave me or have doubts or feel "off" suddenly. If my ex (unlikely as it may be) starts to miss me in the vague, distant manner that I now miss him and that you now miss your ex I would rather he didn't contact me.
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 Can you give more information? describe exactly what you are thinking about, specific thoughts about him, can you picture yourself with anyone else and if so who would you rather picture yourself with. answer these questions to the best of your ability and I'm sure someone can shed some light on your situation.
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