TaintedHeart Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 I think my ex is having a case of G.I.G.S but I'm not 100% sure of this. So if she is having a case of G.I.G.S and actually believes that the grass is infact greener and that she's really happy and life couldn't be better then why does she keep 'bragging' and rubbing my face in it? What is she gaining? I really didn't think she was the type of person to act in such a spiteful way, it's like she's saying 'You made my life hell and deprived me of life' 'I'm so much better of without you' I mean, come on! Like she hasn't hurt me enough.
Author TaintedHeart Posted July 18, 2011 Author Posted July 18, 2011 (edited) I can't believe you're acting so childish, why are you trying to hurt me? Stop acting like I deprived you of life because you know this isn't true! Seriously didn't think you would sink so low and play these silly pathetic games. You're not 16 anymore. You always made me believe that you were the 'decent' 'tactful' person in the relationship, yeah right! This is what I want to say to her! But I'm not breaking NC so thought I'd write it here. Edited July 18, 2011 by TaintedHeart spelling
Mack05 Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 Tainted can I give you some advice? You joined here the 9th of July and you have 131 posts in 9 days. Thats insane. I think you need to seriously see a Therapist to help you process your thoughts correctly. Posting this amount of posts is pointless. Take 3 days. Write all your thoughts on paper everyday and then come and post. Have a gap 3-4 days between very thread u start. Otherwise people are going to see another aimless thread/post on a similar topic. Spend 3 days writing a journal and post the most important bits here. I bet you that u find it far more beneficial. I you feel the need to post more, offer other people advice. You will be surprised how it helps your own recovery..
Author TaintedHeart Posted July 18, 2011 Author Posted July 18, 2011 Tainted can I give you some advice? You joined here the 9th of July and you have 131 posts in 9 days. Thats insane. I think you need to seriously see a Therapist to help you process your thoughts correctly. Posting this amount of posts is pointless. Take 3 days. Write all your thoughts on paper everyday and then come and post. Have a gap 3-4 days between very thread u start. Otherwise people are going to see another aimless thread/post on a similar topic. Spend 3 days writing a journal and post the most important bits here. I bet you that u find it far more beneficial. I you feel the need to post more, offer other people advice. You will be surprised how it helps your own recovery.. I don't think Im hurting anyone by posting. If I get upset or angry or feel like I'm going to break NC I post, because it helps. I'm sure you can block me.
Mack05 Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 I don't think Im hurting anyone by posting. If I get upset or angry or feel like I'm going to break NC I post, because it helps. I'm sure you can block me. Tainted I dont think you are seeing my point. You seem like a lovely girl. I like you, i'm sure everyone else does too. We all feel your pain. You can post 500 times a day if you feel that it's right. I just don't think it is doing you any favours. My advice to you was that your thought process is all over the place. To try to correct that 1) Most importantly see a therapist 2) write a journal and then post here every 3-4 days. If you post less frequently, but with more thought put into your posts you will probably get more benefit from the site..Honestly I wasn't meant to be critical just trying to help.
wilsonx Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 (edited) tainted, feel free to do whatever it takes for you to heal. If it takes you posting 1000 posts in a month then do it. Its about you expressing yourself. My friends ****ing could not stand me the first 2-3 weeks after my breakup... I obsessed about a stupid relationship over and over and over and over and over but in the end I finally felt like I said everything. If I did not have my friends around to listen to me 20 hours a day on my phone I probably would have topped the 2k posts mark in a those 2-3 weeks Mack gave a suggestion about journaling but you can consider your posts here as journaling. It is, its technically online journaling and if it helps you cope better, then do it!!!! Right now its about you and what you need to help YOU move forward!!! Other people need to understand that we are all in different phases in the recovery process of a breakup. tainted is at the beginning and doesn't have any advice to share yet and we need to be supportive of that instead of telling him how to choose to express himself. Edited July 18, 2011 by wilsonx
Author TaintedHeart Posted July 18, 2011 Author Posted July 18, 2011 Tainted I dont think you are seeing my point. You seem like a lovely girl. I like you, i'm sure everyone else does too. We all feel your pain. You can post 500 times a day if you feel that it's right. I just don't think it is doing you any favours. My advice to you was that your thought process is all over the place. To try to correct that 1) Most importantly see a therapist 2) write a journal and then post here every 3-4 days. If you post less frequently, but with more thought put into your posts you will probably get more benefit from the site..Honestly I wasn't meant to be critical just trying to help. I agree, my thought process is all over the place and yes I probably have posted too much but it is actually helping me. I don't write huge posts so I don't see any harm in posting a few short ones daily.
Mack05 Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 I don't agree with most of what Wilson says here, except for doing what feels right for you. But in these painful circumstances we don't always know whats best for us. When we are in the phase you are in now, you have what seems like a million thoughts going through your head. Add to that, the emotions you are feeling are very very uncomfortable. We don't like this feeling, so the temptation is to reach out to the one person who we think can make these horrible uncomfortable feelings go away. I admire you Tainted for not breaking NC, but constantly posting (the large volume of posting) here seems (in my opinion) to be a way of avoiding dealing with those horrible uncomfortable feelings. At some stage you are going to have to face them properly. It seems to me you post the first thing that comes into your head. I think a better way of dealing with this, is to write a journal for 3 days. Sit through the uncomfortable feelings (I promise you it helps). Read over your journal entries and then post the most important things for you. It's just a way of keeping your thought process in check. Plus the advice you receive will all be in one place, where u can read back over it over and over again. It's just my opinion. I hope it it helps. If you are happy to follow Wilson go for it. I just don't agree with him in this spot
Mack05 Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 Tainted I think as well reading books like getting past your breakup will really help you too. I hope things get better for you
Author TaintedHeart Posted July 18, 2011 Author Posted July 18, 2011 tainted, feel free to do whatever it takes for you to heal. If it takes you posting 1000 posts in a month then do it. Its about you expressing yourself. My friends ****ing could not stand me the first 2-3 weeks after my breakup... I obsessed about a stupid relationship over and over and over and over and over but in the end I finally felt like I said everything. If I did not have my friends around to listen to me 20 hours a day on my phone I probably would have topped the 2k posts mark in a those 2-3 weeks Mack gave a suggestion about journaling but you can consider your posts here as journaling. It is, its technically online journaling and if it helps you cope better, then do it!!!! Right now its about you and what you need to help YOU move forward!!! Other people need to understand that we are all in different phases in the recovery process of a breakup. tainted is at the beginning and doesn't have any advice to share yet and we need to be supportive of that instead of telling him how to choose to express himself. I get a thought or a bad feeling and post, I don't mean to piss anyone off, I've never used a forum or blogged so this is all new to me but the one thing I do know is that it's helping. Opinions, writing, reading is making it easier for me, even if I am coming across as confused or a bit of a nut job Thanks Wilson for understanding and thank you Mack for being concerned? I'm actually a woman Wilson
KathyM Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 Why allow your X to torment you? Block her Emails, and don't take her calls. Problem solved. Unless you have children with her, there is no reason to allow her to contact you.
wilsonx Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 \ I'm actually a woman Wilson Awww, crap I'm sorry, I meant to type her. I was watching TV and was thinking about something else while I was typing
Author TaintedHeart Posted July 18, 2011 Author Posted July 18, 2011 Awww, crap I'm sorry, I meant to type her. I was watching TV and was thinking about something else while I was typing Not a problem
antinko Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 (edited) I feel really guilty and I seriously need some input. I still feel like I'm going in circles, sometimes hating her, sometimes missing her immensely...but then at other times feeling guilty. I posted what happened with my break up in another thread, but upon reading it I somewhat recoil at myself... I think I now feel so guilty because I didn't realise that she was hurting too. I was so shocked at it all that I just reduced to a three year old... Oh God...it's so horrible thinking about it, I hate myself right now. We broke up and I wouldn't stop crying. I couldn't get to my house because we were miles away, so she allowed me to stay the night; we shared the same bed and I cried myself to sleep. I put her through so much heart ache by doing that. I was so selfish. Maybe she was right to break up with me... Now two months past and I broke last week, contacting her... As described in my thread, it didn't go amazingly well and I came across as clingy. What does she see there? I've learned NOTHING. So I've been sitting here for a few hours trying to write a message for her which basically says the above, apologising. But I haven't sent it. I haven't sent it because I know, whilst I do want her to feel better, I also want her to reply and say 'it's ok - finally you understand.' or something like that. Even if she did, though, I know I'd feel that she was just being nice... And worse of all, I know that the damage has been done. I'm such an idiot. I need to grow up. So now I'm not going to send a message, but I'm sitting here thinking "well, even if she doesn't consciously think it, at least on some level, she probably thinks I'm a hopeless tool with no respect for her feelings..." and we're never going to reconcile. I'm so ashamed of myself right now. At this point, I don't even want her back necessarily - she *did* hurt me and she's done it to others before - but I wish I'd at least left her with an ounce of respect for me. I will learn for my next relationship, should it happen again like this, but I really wish it hadn't happened like it did. Edited July 18, 2011 by antinko
wilsonx Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 Who's respect are you looking for? Hers? I'm going to say something that needs to be said... F*** Her! She has no respect. The only person who respect should be owned is yourself. The question is do you respect yourself? If not what steps are you going to take to start respecting yourself? Once you figure out what these steps are, then take them until you start respecting yourself again.
Author TaintedHeart Posted July 18, 2011 Author Posted July 18, 2011 I feel really guilty and I seriously need some input. I still feel like I'm going in circles, sometimes hating her, sometimes missing her immensely...but then at other times feeling guilty. I posted what happened with my break up in another thread, but upon reading it I somewhat recoil at myself... I think I now feel so guilty because I didn't realise that she was hurting too. I was so shocked at it all that I just reduced to a three year old... Oh God...it's so horrible thinking about it, I hate myself right now. We broke up and I wouldn't stop crying. I couldn't get to my house because we were miles away, so she allowed me to stay the night; we shared the same bed and I cried myself to sleep. I put her through so much heart ache by doing that. I was so selfish. Maybe she was right to break up with me... Now two months past and I broke last week, contacting her... As described in my thread, it didn't go amazingly well and I came across as clingy. What does she see there? I've learned NOTHING. So I've been sitting here for a few hours trying to write a message for her which basically says the above, apologising. But I haven't sent it. I haven't sent it because I know, whilst I do want her to feel better, I also want her to reply and say 'it's ok - finally you understand.' or something like that. Even if she did, though, I know I'd feel that she was just being nice... And worse of all, I know that the damage has been done. I'm such an idiot. I need to grow up. So now I'm not going to send a message, but I'm sitting here thinking "well, even if she doesn't consciously think it, at least on some level, she probably thinks I'm a hopeless tool with no respect for her feelings..." and we're never going to reconcile. I'm so ashamed of myself right now. At this point, I don't even want her back necessarily - she *did* hurt me and she's done it to others before - but I wish I'd at least left her with an ounce of respect for me. I will learn for my next relationship, should it happen again like this, but I really wish it hadn't happened like it did. Did you mean to post this here?
antinko Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 (edited) Who's respect are you looking for? Hers? I'm going to say something that needs to be said... F*** Her! She has no respect. The only person who respect should be owned is yourself. The question is do you respect yourself? If not what steps are you going to take to start respecting yourself? Once you figure out what these steps are, then take them until you start respecting yourself again. Hm, interesting point. While I did look after her a lot, a few weeks after the break up, we saw each other to touch base and I did say I'd let myself go a bit, that I'd put her first all the time and was rarely doing much for me... Weirdly, had I put myself first more often, she'd have given me a hard time so I couldn't win either way, but the point is that, yeh I lost respect for myself. I lost respect for myself and I know it would have been unsustainable to keep doing what I was doing. Maybe she realised that before me. I don't know. I keep analysing this and never get any proper answers - everything seems to contradict. I have to admit, though, you're right. I need to learn to respect myself and I think I've been taking steps to do that for a while now, but unfortunately it was too little too late when it came to the relationship. After struggling in the early stages of my chosen profession, through sheer hard work and stubbornness, I am now flying and feeling a bit better in that respect. I'm back at the gym and almost in peak condition and my diet is much better. I am angry at myself for handling the break up badly. Common sense told me to do certain things, but my emotions got the better of me and I lost control. It's not 'end of the world' lack of control, but it's a lack of control which didn't satisfy the high standards I set for myself. In short, I feel like a hypocrite because I should have been the bigger person coming out of the relationship. All I did was let myself down. @Taintedlove - Yeh i meant to post here. I had just read the post on how the 'dumpee' can come across as the hypocrite in the break up by not recognising the 'dumper' was feeling a lot of pain too. I mostly believe this is exactly what my ex was going through as she is really a lovely person, but has many of the symptoms of G.I.G.S. When she broke up with me she was certainly 'confused' and couldn't give me any real answers. I never understood what she meant...until, I think, now. Edited July 18, 2011 by antinko
wilsonx Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 (edited) Weirdly, had I put myself first more often, she'd have given me a hard time so I couldn't win either way, but the point is that, yeh I lost respect for myself. This is something to take with you for the rest of your life. You are 100% wrong here. If you put yourself first and she gives you a hard time, you remind her that YOUR wants and needs always come first to you and hers come a CLOSE second. If she does not like that you walk away and you still have you and you have your respect and you win Look where you are at now that you are not first, you feel lost empty and like you have nothing. You are rebuilding yourself. This is your lesson you take away from this relationship. If you have other things to occupy yourself other then a woman in your next relationship then not only will she respect you more for being a man, if the relationship ends, you will only have a small hole to fill to replace her instead of this huge hole you are doing now Edited July 18, 2011 by wilsonx
antinko Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 This is something to take with you for the rest of your life. You are 100% wrong here. If you put yourself first and she gives you a hard time, you remind her that YOUR wants and needs always come first to you and hers come a CLOSE second. If she does not like that you walk away and you still have you and you have your respect and you win Look where you are at now that you are not first, you feel lost empty and like you have nothing. You are rebuilding yourself. This is your lesson you take away from this relationship. If you have other things to occupy yourself other then a woman in your next relationship then not only will she respect you more for being a man, if the relationship ends, you will only have a small hole to fill to replace her instead of this huge hole you are doing now Thanks again. It's tough reading that, but I know it's true. In fact, it answers a few other questions for me too.
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